Driving on motorways

[anon3738]

I’ll keep this short cos there’s a lot of background. I don’t have much of a relationship with my mother. I speak to her when I have to and very little details are given because she’s a control freak.

I’m passed my driving test in October 23 and she found out this morning I had planned to take my two kids (13, 8) so not babies on a ‘fun’ day trip a 2.5 hr drive away on the motorway. She absolutely booted off, shouting down the phone at me like I’m a fucking child. Telling me how irresponsible I am, to have some common sense and how she’s clearly the only one looking out for my kids. She said I need experience I’ll end up killing us all and it’ll be on my head.

im a good driver I don’t speed, I drive daily on dual carriageways. I have driven myself to Scotland and back from the Yorkshire area without an incident.
she wants me to do pass plus. I work full time am a single parent and don’t have the ££ or the spare time to take additional lessons.
am I been unreasonable to want to go where I want when I want without having to run everything past my mother.

Block your mum, enjoy your day!

Just ignore her , or better still don’t tell her anything .

Sounds like you need even less of a relationship with her.

Is she quite well in the head?

She's being ridiculous.

She's crazy. You're doing an entirely ordinary and normal thing.

Edited as didn’t read your post properly. Sorry!
Your mum is batshit

She’s definitely hard work. She doesn’t know I drove to Scotland I had to lie and say my friend was driving 😂 im 37 years old fgs and I ‘neeeeeeded’ to msg her when I arrived and before I get off then again when I got home. It’s absolutely ridiculous.

I did a test drive before the Scotland trip without sounding to outing where I am I drove down the m62 and back to an outlet and leisure place.

The DVLA consider you safe to drive, so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Driving on motorways is easy and they are the safest roads. If you drive on dual carriageways a lot I don't understand the issue.

Your mum is a nutter. NC all the way.

I understood that the motorway is the safest place to drive.

(Unless it's a 'Smart Motorway') 😱

Of course YANBU about the driving. Obviously.

But YABU to pander to your mother by listening to her. She sounds completely unhinged so just put the phone down on her, ignore her, stop telling her your plans, reduce contact with her to an absolute bear min& get on with your life.

OP my dad is the same. He's suffers badly from anxiety and always thinks of the worst possible outcome. I've had to go low contact as it really affects me.

Sounds like your DM needs to chill a bit!

For a similar price to Pass Plus, I would recommend a day out with 'Reg Local' a former advanced police driving instructor. He's based in the Bolton area. When I bought my first fast car, I did a day with him, and learned a lot - about being a faster, safer, and smoother road driver - better able to judge appropriate speeds for corners, better anticipation , etc.

He has a YouTube channel under the same name, which has lots of useful driver improvement videos which are (obviously) free.

Here's his Motorway driving video:

I don’t want her to plant the seed and make me fearful of driving on them because I didn’t spend all the time money and effort and pass a test to only drive to work and back 5 days a week, this was supposed to be life changing for me and the kids, make life better and open up a whole new world and she just puts a dampener on it.

Severely limit what you tell her about your life, she will find something to pick at and criticise so don't give her any fuel.

She is being ridiculous. Is she an anxious driver or a crap driver? Or even better maybe she doesn't drive at all. She is not remotely qualified to determine if it's safe for you to drive on the motorway.

I'm assuming she has form for trying to infantilise you and put you down. I would have nothing to do with her if she's going to shout and scream like that.

Tell her you've booked the pass plus and tell her less in the future. Unfortunately I could only have a very superficial relationship with my Mother. On the plus side when she died, I didn't lose an emotional support source.

@anon3738

plant the 'Don't be so fucking ridiculous' seed & let it flourish!! Give her plenty of the blooms!

Don't let her undermine your confidence. If she's already made you wobble, if you can afford it, just book a motorway lesson with a normal instructor!

Have a great time with your kids!!

I was only saying the other day (no idea actual statistics) that I feel way safer and like everyone else is taking the road seriously on a motorway. Driving in inner city areas is the thing that’s taking yours and others lives in your hands, IME. After completely uneventful hours on the motorway the other day, then coming into London I was having to adjust myself to everyones terrible aggressive driving, pedestrians just blithely crossing everywhere, dogs and kids etc even though I was at 20/30. Anyway, I’d be pissed off being infantilised and having it assumed I’d risk my children in any way. I feel like my mum does this type of thing as she herself is terrified of everything and does very little in life.

Your mum is ridiculous
I let my 17 year old drive 5 hours away on motorways 3 months after passing his motorbike test!

Pass plus is supposed to be good and I believe some insurers give discounts to those who sit it.

I'd suggest that if your mum offers to pay then sit it. Does no harm. Prices to her you're safe. Don't see a downside apart from having to get childcare for however long it is.

Just ignore her.

Ignore her.
I passed my test that same day I was on the motorway after picking up my 1st car. 1.5hr drive back

You are an adult and I presume generally responsible. Sometimes you don't need to tell your mother everything. In fact tell her nothing until she gets the message. I presume you don't live in the same house as her.