Does your DH like you?

[WeirdTrees]

I don’t think mine likes me. I don’t think anyone in the world quite dislikes me as much as he does.

I’m a person who tries to be very engaging, funny and get complimented quite often by friends/acquaintances for being a nice person.

Does anyone else have a DP who has no patience for niceness with you? Speaks to you in a way they wouldn’t speak to their friends/colleagues/people down the pub?

I think you need to leave him. That’s not acceptable on his part and you deserve better.

My DH drives me mad sometimes but he’s my best friend and I love and like him. He certainly acts like he likes me too.

Yes, he likes me more than anyone in the world.

Why are you trying to be engaging and funny rather than just being who you naturally are?

And it really isn't the norm to dislike your partner. Are you really happy?

So why are you still with him?

Yes, he likes me, finds me funny. Loves me to bits too!

Sorry but this doesn't sound normal, or good. We fight sometimes like all couples but I know the love is there.

Op, why on earth are you still with him??

I have OP, and it's why we're now getting divorced! I realised that I was wasting my life staying with someone who didn't appear to even like me, let alone love me. I realised that I deserve more than that, and you do too.

I had it confirmed when I plucked up the courage to finish things with ex-DH, after many years of being the bouncy, outgoing Tigger, compared to his Eeyore.
He told me he still loved me, but most of the time, didn’t like me. Cut me to the core, still does.
Everyone tells me what a likeable, lovely person I am. Yet he seemed to despise everything I stand for.

Like is so important in a relationship. My new chap really likes me a lot. It’s taken 4 years to like myself again. Don’t stay if you are disliked, I’m sure you are lovely because you are questioning this and it doesn’t make sense to you.
Don’t let him destroy the essence of you.

I’m probably still in the relationship because practically it’s my only option right now. I think though that now I’m aware it’s not positive any longer, I can actively put steps in place to sort myself out of this hole.

It’s strange, I always used to get frustrated reading mumsnet threads of people saying they were in terrible relationships but couldn’t leave. Now I get it.

This is sad op. Of course your dh should like you. They should love and adore you.

Why can't you leave? There is always a way.

It's not normal op. I'm my dh best friend and he is mine.
You wouldn't spend time with someone you didn't like, or didn't like you, so why choose to spend the lions share of your time with someone like this

You're not in a loving relationship. You're at a statement where he doesn't like you or care about you. What's the point in staying together?

My husband and I are great friends and care about each others well-being, thoughts and feelings.

You can find someone that enjoys your company and is pleased to see you every day.

My ex husband didn’t like me, that’s why he’s my ex.

I'm not going to be all Mills and Boon here. Yes my DH likes me. I think there are lot of things he really values about me but at the same time there are things about me that irritate him - and I feel the same about him! I love him very much and see all his good qualities, but I also see his flaws.
From what you say though - it sounds like your DH really dislikes you. That's not good. I felt my ex disliked me. I remember saying "I can't think of anything you like about me". It was such a relief when we split up.

God, I wish that there was a revolution across the land where every person in a relationship was sat down and asked this, to be honest. So many couples on here and in real life where they have lost sight of the fact that your partner should be the person you treat best. I see threads on here where behaviour from partners gets excused that you would never tolerate from a friend, colleague or even a stranger. Boiled frog, isn't it. It's both genders, but the way I see men talk to/about their partners and women in general I often think... do you actually like women??

I have an ex who I now realise had grown to dislike me. Mercifully it was never that serious or long a relationship but it still did a fair bit of damage to my self-esteem because he did and said some incredibly unkind things and he got in first to finish things and did so quite cruelly. Knowing that someone purposely treated me like that actually really hurt me!

I do understand why is isn't always so easy to do the "up and" part of up and leaving someone so I can see why people are stuck and the damage this can do to ones perception of self.

The only good thing to come from my run in with a knob is that the next time I met a knob - who would have been a much more dangerous knob- I caught on quicker.

I have been there OP. My ex was like this with me. It wasn't done in a way that was blatantly obvious. But there were little sly digs over time. Being quiet with me in the evenings. Spending time with anyone else other than me. It's only really been since he left that I realise how bad it actually was, because I don't have the constant pecking anymore.

It's not always easy to leave OP. I get that. I've realised now since we split how fucked my self esteem has always been. I've come to see that my own family are a lot more disfunctional than I ever really knew and I ended up marrying a man who was just like my mother!!!

Make steps to leave. Make steps to work on your self esteem. Work on yourself. You deserve better. And better is just being by yourself and loving yourself.

I'm sorry Op.

Yes my DH likes me. We often say that it's our favourite thing about each other that we LIKE each other. The love is a huge bonus.

Thank you for all of your feedback.

I noted some of you commented about love and care. I do believe he loves and cares about me a great deal, despite some people who perhaps that’s not possible. I think he sees me as family, that he has obligation and duty so he goes out of his way to provide in the ways he believes is best.

I just don’t think he likes me. People do semi regularly tell him about how great I am (that sounds very contrived to type!) but they say oh she’s so much fun, she’s clever and interesting and I see he just gives a polite nod but doesn’t really seem to believe it.

It is NOT your only option. This is the mindset he’s probably pushed you into via destroying your self esteem and sense of self. Take it from someone who left a similar situation with zero family in this country, zero financial support or even a job and not being married so had no settlement.

Yes, he says I'm his best friend and I feel the same way. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I would evaluate my options.

Yes I was in this relationship. When I finally, finally ended it he admitted he didn't love me anymore and his feelings had started declining years ago. It hurt to hear but I felt relieved that it wasn't all in my head. If you don't feel liked by your partner then that will slowly wear away your confidence, your self worth, etc until you don't think you can leave. You do have options, you could leave if you looked in to it.

My exH was like this OP. It did strange things to me as a person. It was so gradual and insidious I didn't quite notice it. It was thrown into sharp relief when I saw friends with their husbands, and my sister and her husband - the way they laughed together and spent fun time together, even with the pressures of family life etc. When I did stop and think "hang on..." I made excuses to myself. "Oh, it's just the way our relationship is, we have other things of value" etc. It very very slowly dawned on me that I was the only person he spoke to like shit and that he had no respect or liking for me at all. However when I tried to raise it, it was all my imagination, naturally.

We are divorced now of course. Despite the way he acted towards me, I was made to feel this was all my fault too, that if only I had been a better wife and person, he wouldn't have had to dislike me so much. My confidence remains really low sadly, six years later. I have to see him frequently, and he still occasionally seems to feel he has the perfect right to be disrespectful.

Even though I was terrified about being single again in my forties, and lonely and childless (we were infertile), it still happened despite me trying to make the whole thing "better".

Get out of this relationship. It won't get better.

When they show contempt the only response is to disengage and continue as if you have not noticed. Every time. In turn, this adjusts their perspective until you claw your way back to a place of respect. Take back the power. You need to be ruthless to do this but it works.