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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To take joy from someone else’s misery?

50 replies

Pompleandprim · 14/06/2024 14:28

When that person is an abusive prick?

My ex stopped having any contact with DS two years ago and had been emotionally abusing him (and arguably physically abusing him during contact time though this was never proven - I believe my DS though). DS is now 7 and thriving without him. He caused my DS a LOT of trauma though, on top of his significant disabilities.

so no contact for years but he does pay his measly bit of CMS through direct pay. However he was told back in April that the amount he pays will be increasing by £35 a month as of this month; he pays first of the month but the payment is due to me by 11th of the month.

He did not pay the increase this month. I’ve no idea if he will realise the payments have gone up, and I will not be contacting him to remind him. So I’ve informed CMS who have provided the option to do collect and pay. This will cost me 4% but the money goes straight into DSs savings anyway and I don’t need it. It means my ex will have to pay and additional 20% though - which means on top of the extra £35 a month there’s an additional £35 fee a month too.

This has made me happy. Which I know makes me petty and spiteful. But this is the definition of him LITERALLY having one job - whilst I manage various appointments, medications, tribunals and everything else on top of the daily care for my disabled child. All he had to do was stay on top of his payments and he failed at the first hurdle. As such, his payments will now increase by 40% of what he had been paying.

AIBU to take a small amount of joy from this? Because it will make an evil, abusive man who caused my DC so much trauma, miserable?

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 14/06/2024 14:42

Nbu at all!

Screw him!

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/06/2024 14:46

Petty and spiteful it might be, but I would be the same as you - in fact i would gleefully bask in his predicament and karma, lol.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 14/06/2024 14:46

Nah, I’d be the same.

You fuck around, you find out.

ARichtGoodDram · 14/06/2024 14:49

I don’t blame you at all.

Men like that getting caught out is funny, even if it is petty to find it so.

Im still highly amused at my exes recent social media breakdown because someone “grassed” him to his exes and CMS about his new job and payrise so his payments have doubled. I find it fucking hilarious that he’s got some comeuppance even though our daughters are adults so it doesn’t benefit me in the slightest financially 😂

Mouswife · 14/06/2024 14:49

It’s hard not to find relief when someone who has really hurt you gets a little if what they dish out.
you are only human OP.

just to add - I laughed out loud to the point of crying when my lying ex claimed furlough and then got caught out by the CMS. He told them he was earning less than minimum wage with his own company, but when furlough was up for grabs suddenly he earned so much more. He had to back pay thousands !!!

Boltonb · 14/06/2024 14:50

Fathers who abandon their children, and fathers who pay the minimum legal amount of child support are the lowest of the low. So I’d definitely enjoy knowing he’s having a little dose of karma aswell. Well done!

aerkfjherf · 14/06/2024 14:50

serves him right.

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 14/06/2024 14:53

Oh you nasty person!

Said no-one (in their right mind) EVER!! I would totally be the same as you.

Willyoujustbequiet · 14/06/2024 14:53

I'm happy for you OP!

Blackbeardsvest · 14/06/2024 14:54

Nope, you're allowed this one I think OP. It's still a lot less karma than he actually deserves but it would still be making me smile if I were you Smile

Cattenberg · 14/06/2024 14:56

YANBU OP.

My friend’s twatty ex was self-employed and he understated his income to the extent that he paid hardly any income tax or child maintenance.

When lockdown happened, he couldn’t work and his lies meant that he couldn’t claim the furlough payments that he would have been entitled to. Served him right!

MrsHouseMouse · 14/06/2024 14:59

Definitely YANBU.

It's laughable how much some get away with paying CM.

AmusedTraybake · 14/06/2024 15:02

This reply has been deleted

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AmusedTraybake · 14/06/2024 15:02

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KreedKafer · 14/06/2024 16:01

I was genuinely delighted when my ex died, so I think you can certainly be forgiven for gloating about someone's minor financial inconvenience.

Lavenderandbrown · 14/06/2024 16:03

Dancing for you op dancing with you.

Luxell934 · 14/06/2024 16:05

Why can't more women do this collect and pay thing? Theres so many people on here who say they get £7 a week or something ridiculous like that!

ARichtGoodDram · 14/06/2024 16:06

Luxell934 · 14/06/2024 16:05

Why can't more women do this collect and pay thing? Theres so many people on here who say they get £7 a week or something ridiculous like that!

£7 a week is what people get if the NRP is on any benefits

collect & pay wouldn’t change amount of the award.

AtrociousCircumstance · 14/06/2024 16:09

Not petty at all. He deserves far worse.

LakeTiticaca · 14/06/2024 17:14

Yanbu but I was secretly hoping your were going to tell us his knob had fallen off 🤣🤣

BlowDryRat · 14/06/2024 17:22

YANBU. I once read someone on here calling the 10% fee "the bastard tax". It's true. I enjoy my exH paying it too 😁

BeverForget · 14/06/2024 17:46

What kind of creature bore him?
Was it some kind of bat?
They can't find a good word for him,
but I can...twat.

Dr J.C. Clarke

TheLadyOfTheFlowers · 14/06/2024 17:48

Cattenberg · 14/06/2024 14:56

YANBU OP.

My friend’s twatty ex was self-employed and he understated his income to the extent that he paid hardly any income tax or child maintenance.

When lockdown happened, he couldn’t work and his lies meant that he couldn’t claim the furlough payments that he would have been entitled to. Served him right!

Oh I remember a thread about this happening to someone! Brilliant 😂

Previousreligion · 14/06/2024 17:56

I would take pleasure in the misery of someone who had abused my family or me.

On the other hand it would piss me off that the additional £35 was benefiting CMS rather than my child!

Remembering39862 · 14/06/2024 18:03

The Germans have a word for this: Schadenfreude. Defined as “happiness at the misfortune of others”.

I say enjoy your well-deserved schadenfreude OP!

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