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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that parent who know their kids have a contagious illness still mix with my children

76 replies

my2boys · 07/04/2008 22:59

My children were at my inlaws for one night over the weekend. Their cousins came to see them during the day. When I picked children up and they were at home I was told by my DH that his mother had said the other two kids had just got over conjuntivitis. My eldest 3 yr old has since been sick all night and my youngest 21 months was taken to the doctor today and diagnosed with conjuctivitis which is very contagious ! I am hopping mad at my selfish irresponsible sister in law and her attitude she has the gall to tell us not to go near her precious kids a week or so before she went on holiday as she didnt want them to catch anything from mine. Mine were perfectly healthy..........

OP posts:

edam · 08/04/2008 08:47

I'd still like to know, thanks. And 'just got over it' could be a misjudgement - seems so, given my2boys' youngest has now got it.

Isn't it just basic good manners to warn another parent if your child has an infectious illness? When other people have warned me, I've usually said 'fine' but been glad that they've told me. And I've always warned other families.

edam · 08/04/2008 08:49

Btw, NHS Direct is far from perfect. GPs and A&E say they send far too many people to hospital - inevitable because they can't actually see the patient. And I was involved in some mystery shopping where they missed heart failure.

blueshoes · 08/04/2008 08:56

My SIL and her children were due to come over. On the day itself, she asked whether it was alright because one of her dcs had conjunctivitis. I believe I said, oh don't worry, come on over.

Am with soapbox. But I can understand how others might have decided otherwise.

sarah293 · 08/04/2008 09:02

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love2sleep · 08/04/2008 09:09

I agree that C can sometimes be nasty but please don't blame your SIL for this. When ds1 had it a few years back our GP was very laid back and told us it was fine to go and see his cousins. I decided to ignore his advice but you can't really blame her if she was just following similar medical advice. There seems to be a lot of confusion about when it stops being contagious.

edam · 08/04/2008 09:11

You can still blame her (or the MIL - maybe SIL asked her and she said 'Oh, it'll be fine') for not having the manners to ASK whether it was OK, though.

bozza · 08/04/2008 09:15

My DD nearly always gets sticky eyes with a cold and kept being sent home from nursery - but I was less than convinced that it was conjuntivitis - certainly nothing Edam describes. So am rather pleased that she doesn't get sent home anymore. It never really needed any treatment beyond wiping the eyes with cotton wool in a morning.

ALMummy · 08/04/2008 10:58

Totally agree with Belgo. It always surprises me when people talk with a cavalier attitude about illness in kids, like they dont suffer as much. A friend of mine said well they will have to get it sooner or later about a bout of chicken pox going around. Perhaps, but I have never had it and personally wouldnt go seeking it out either just to "get it out of the way".

edam · 08/04/2008 11:17

Ah, I would be relaxed about chicken pox, better to get it over with (much more severe if you catch it as an adult and potentially very bad news if you are p/g). BUT I would still expect someone to warn me if their child had it. When ds had it, I kept him at home and only met up with parents whose children knew about it/had had it already.

belgo · 08/04/2008 11:35

Chicken pox is incredibly inconvenient if they catch it when you have a holiday booked. I would certainly want to know if my children were exposed to it.

krang · 08/04/2008 11:51

This pisses me off: why not just give the parent the chance to decide whether or not they want to expose their kids? I'm with edam: DS had conjunctivitis three times when he was under one and it was an absolute fecking nightmare each time.

kittywise · 08/04/2008 11:53

I think you will go mental if you worry about and get wound up by things like this. Life is far, far too short.

LilRedWG · 08/04/2008 11:59

I don't mind colds, but am very fussy about seeing people with stomach bugs, conjunctivitis, chicken pox etc., not because I'm over protective of myself and my family, but because I don't see the point in needlessly inviting illness into our home.

Luckily most of our friends feel that same way, but some don't and I did actually have to say to one friend, "I'm very sorry to hear that your DS is so poorly with hand,foot and mouth, but I'm afraid that, no, you can't bring him over to play with DD to cheer him up." I think she was a little suprised, but I don't know why - she herself had just called me up to tell me he was very poorly and that he couldn't go to any of his normal groups etc as he was so contagious.

Ineedacleaner · 08/04/2008 12:09

Personally I don't bother about coughs, colds, conjunctivitus or chicken pox. I would ALWAYS let someone I was visiting know if the children were ill and when they had CP I never went out anyway.
In fact I actively sought chicken pox, may seem horrible but I have seen an adult with chicken pox and a pregnant woman that had never had them worrying when they went around the nursery and I really wanted my 2 to get it out the road when they were young. My adult friend who had it caught it off her children and when she was ill was actually so angry with her mum for keeping her away from it as her children got over it with not much problem but she was very poorly for a while.

I know everyones different and everyones children don't suffer in the same way I do think people do get a bit wound up about things that really aren't a HUGE deal. While I wouldn't go out and sctively seek some illnesses I also wouldn't get upset about being in contact with them.

sarah293 · 08/04/2008 12:26

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SoupDragon · 08/04/2008 12:33

I think you'd find that most of those you call "selfish" would have a different attitude when visiting a child who has poor health/compromised immune system.

sarah293 · 08/04/2008 12:35

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Ineedacleaner · 08/04/2008 12:44

We are not talking about children here (as far as I know anyway) with poor health or compromised immunity. To call those of us who say it is no big deal selfish is a pretty sweeping statement actually.

My friends dd had to have a heart op at the age of 1 and although my dd appeared to be well at the time I never visited her for a couple of weeks before as you never know what might be brewing and she could not afford for her dd to even get a cold before the op so if you think that was selfish really what more do you want?

PrimulaVeris · 08/04/2008 12:46

Since I've had children I've had conjunctivitis more times than I'd really like to recall - caught from them and their friends. And very often painful. I've been through the giving eyedrops to wriggling toddlers too.

But even I don't think it's a big deal. It is NOT a sickness.

And, to be fair to the mother, it can be very difficult sometimes to work out exactly when you first get it (and become infectious) and when it has finally cleared up.

bergentulip · 08/04/2008 12:54

I'm sure all parents on here would call and mention a slight sniffle to a friend with children suffering from compromised immunity/poor health etc.... before coming over. That's just common sense.

I would always mention to others anyway (not just a bit of snot though!), but would not be pee'd off if snotty/gooey/spluttering children were brought round mine.

And chicken pox? I am a fan of putting a (otherwise healthy!) child in the line of fire with that one. Why run the risk of a worse case when older? I am rather disappointed my efforts to date have been futile.

As a child, I was thrown in a bath with three other toddlers, one with CPox, in order that I get it. It worked. I was miserable for 2 weeks(!) :0)

BexieID · 08/04/2008 12:55

I would be annoyed, especially as she asked for your kids to be kept away from hers prior to going on hols.

Colds on the other hand, are a slightly different matter. I work in retail and get more colds on average. Customers coughing and spluttering over you, wish they'd blardy stay away. I do take time off when the cold is at it's worst, but run the risk off being over the time off percentage!

I don't exactly have peoples kids coughing over me though, but would like the parents to mention a cold/vomiting/tummy upset before visiting! You'd be forewarned if they are feeling a little rough as well, especially if they were being dropped off.

nappyaddict · 08/04/2008 14:55

i can understand about chicken pox. i wouldn't want someone who was still contagious with it to come over either. but i don't mind coughs and colds. i can understand why riven would not want people with coughs and colds near her dd but otherwise i am shocked that people would cancel playdates if someone had a bit of a sniffle.

bergentulip · 08/04/2008 15:03

Okay- which inconsiderate person has put their congitivitis-carrying DCs up against their computer screen, and made it jump over here to my DS2??

Seriously- no kidding. He has woken up from his nap with seriously gooey, pussy, yukky eyes..... I blame you aaaaaallllllll.

sarah293 · 08/04/2008 18:14

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Original poster

my2boys · 08/04/2008 20:36

Thanks for all of your views some very different I still feel it is very irresponsible and selfish of my SIL and MIL to just expose someone elses child to a contagious disease what ever it is and not say a word to the mother and just slip it in conversation 24 hours after. As their mother they did not have the courtesy to mention anything to me and kept it very quiet..why? When I took my 21 month old to the doctor she said the same. It has now spread to my ds's other eye. I entrusted the two most important people into the care of my MIL thinking they would be safe happy etc and to give her the opportunity to see and enjoy them, and I feel they have just disrepected that. I am well aware children catch things and pass things on etc its the disrespect and irresponsibility and selfish ness that I dont like. it could have been avoided. As I also mentioned we were told to stay away before they went on hol so as not to pass anything on to her kids my children were not ill at the time but still had to stay away just in case, its ok for her SIL to pass stuff onto mine. It now transpires hers only had conjunctivitis a week ago and she was moaning that she couldnt do anything ! She knew the risks and in a very cavilier manner just carried on even if my MIL said oh dont worry they'll be alright she should have had the maturity and decentsey (sp!)not to risk it it was not their right to decide.

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