To think that comments on Mumsnet are a good indicator of what people in real life think, but may not say.

[DonnaChang]

At a work event today, I ended up speaking with a woman who was regaling me with a story in which she clearly thought she was the victim, but actually came across as an ass.

As I was smiling and nodding civily, I started thinking that the responses she’d receive on Mumsnet would be quite blunt and she’d be told she’s a CF, and hard work.

Posters on here often counter with “would you say that to someone’s face?” when they think that responses are harsh but AIBU to think that while someone may not say it in real life, they’re probably thinking it?

Not a feminist? So, not interested in equality for women? Happy to not have the right to vote for example? I mean you can be all the other things you said and still want to see equality between the sexes.

But to answer the OP's question - I don't think I'd make a sharp comment in real life to an acquaintance or someone I was having idle chit chat with. It's not worth the aggro it could cause. Online is a different beast though - sure spread it round that Dru is a judgmental bitch I don't care.

To be clear, most of what I say on here I would say to a friend or family member because the relationship is different. I'd obviously tailor it to be more tactful. But I feel like honesty is important in relationships, and I also feel a lot of what I respond to is people not standing up for themselves which is definitely not something I would do!

MN is a good barometer of what a part of society is thinking. Other forums/groups are better barometers of other parts of society think.

I compare what I read here with what I read elsewhere, and sometimes what's written is very different. I have noticed though, that no matter what the overall mood/opinions of different forums/groups are in general - they have all become extremely polarised over the last 7-8 years, and since the election the temperature of argument has shot up. I've not seen any other group/forum quite as het up by VAT on private education.

It's not helped by the number of shill and sock puppet accounts that have appeared since the election was announced. Some of them are obvious from their very first post, others you can see nudging their threads in certain directions. The Reform shills have been the most obvious this week.

You said it much better than I did!

Why ‘luckily’? What’s wrong with being left wing and a feminist? I didn’t realise they were negative traits!

@Brumhilda , could you expand/explain what a feminine role is?

No one seems to agree what being a "feminist" means anyway.

If it were truly a hellhole, you wouldn't be here. Unless you are also the bringer of bitterness and envy?

feckin hell, what century is it again?

Lots of left wing feminists have lovely husbands. What’s a “feminine role”?

I'm from a different breed.
I say it as I see it no in-between no sugar coating.
I will just come out with it bluntly getting to the point no faffing.
I won't say anything behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face.

No, I don't think.

I think that:

-pretty much everyone in the world is more emotional, angry and bitchy inside their heads than they are in public. Thank God for socialisation eh

• Women in particular are socialised to act 'nicer' in public than they may really feel
• Anonymity is liberating - for good and bad
• Many people are more small and large C conservative than they might claim to their peers.

Put all this together and yes I think MN might well be a real microcosm of how people are feeling IN THE EXACT MOMENT that they make their post.

But just because you post something mean or controversial, doesn't mean you're a twat all the time.

Personally I think a space that allows women to say exactly what they want, without policing or male social pressure, if a beautiful thing in itself even if I don't always like what I read.

But precisely what is a 'feminine' role? Aside from the very physical realities of gestating, birthing and breastfeeding children, these are social edicts as to which tasks people should be performing based on what set of genitalia/chromosomes/physical bodies they possess.

There is no law that women are duty-bound to abide by these edicts, just a whole set of conventions and institutions set up to benefit a society that's always been structured to benefit the interests of men.

What other women do is 100% up to them and I neither care nor judge either way. What I don't accept is that roles are necessarily 'gendered' in such a way.

I too have a lovely husband. An awareness of the options, rights, responsibilities (or what's not the responsibilities) of women doesn't equate to a hatred of men, despite what so many MN threads try to convince others to believe.

This surprises me a bit. A lot of the feminist stuff I read on here talk about voting Tory and how the left are shafting women or whatever.
I'd hope a site like this would be supportive of feminism but I think it should welcome people left and right politically.

I read lots of threads across the board and for the most part would not know someone's political views - but I also like that there are places on here where you can discuss these views.

Regarding the OP, I think a lot of people do express views here that they would not say, but I think the people who post are influenced by the first few posters.
So if I ask about wanting to give my 13 year old a gin and tonic, if the first three posters say I am all kinds of crazy, then that's generally how the thread will go.