Would I be a CF?

[Gingerbread34]

More of a WWYD. I have a good friendship group who all live close by. They all have much bigger support networks and never ask for any favours, whereas my support network is just DH and my parents.

DH and I have been given a last minute chance to go to an event on Saturday, but we have a dog. The event is an hour or so away, starts at 4pm and we wouldn't get home until gone 11pm. My parents would normally come round to look after the dog but they're away this weekend.

I have a good friend who I know would happily look after my dog if she's free but she's already looked after him for us in the last month and I'm really reluctant to ask her again because I can never return the favour (she has dogs which are massive and bouncy, my house is much smaller and we also have a nervous cat - our dog is older and very chill with the cat). Friend, like all the others in the group, never asks for favours as she has a big family who she'd turn to for help first, and her family always look after her dogs if she needs them to.

I'd love to go to the event but I don't want to be the person always asking for favours when my friends never need to ask me. I have offered help to all of them before but 99% of the time they have family they would ask first. DH and I also only have one car which he often needs for shift work, so I'm very rarely the driver if going out with friends (but I always offer petrol money).

Would you ask or not? I'm worried I look like the CF of the group who always needs a favour. It's not essential we go to this event, it would just be quite nice! I've known friend for over 15 years and I don't ask for favours regularly as my parents can often help if we need it, so I might be overthinking it, but DH also felt uncomfortable about the fact we can never return the favour.

Ask, say you know it's short notice but if at all possible could she help, then make sure to get her a thank you gift afterwards if she says yes.

Ask! But why couldn't you dog sit her dogs at her house from time to time instead of bringing them to yours?

I’d definitely ask and just say “look, no worries at all if it’s a no, do just say but could you…?””

I've offered to do that whenever she's said she's going out or away, but she always says it's fine as her parents, brothers or sister in law are having them

I think you could ask. But to be honest your not being in a position to return the favour doesn't matter. You can help them out with non essentials, just be proactive in finding ways to give back. Buy her a voucher for somewhere nice, offer to take her for lunch one day.

Definitely ask. I would do I for any of my friends as I wouldn't want them to miss out on something fun just because of their dog if I was able to help

Thanks everyone, I'll definitely be getting her a gift and card if she can do it. I just feel a bit guilty as I have so few people I can ask for help, although it's not often I need it, whereas my friends all have massive families who they're really close to.

Ask her, and enjoy your evening, if she does the favour. Buy her a gift - wine, flowers, or something

You're definitely over thinking it. None of my friends would think twice about asking something like this. We all help each other out if we can and we all feel comfortable enough to say no if we don't want to do something. Hopefully your group is the same.

Do you have a group chat you could ask in if you don't want to ask an individual?

If you have parents around to help you have a much bigger support network than the majority of people. I'm only pointing this out in case you are giving our vibes of "poor me I don't have many people to ask/help".

I appreciate this might not be your bag, and it depends on where you are, but I recently signed up for Rover.com as my partner has to be away for a week and then had to be in the office. Met up with the sitter in advance and we are having a trial session first. Might that kind of thing work? I feel your pain, by the way. We don't have any family support, but at least we have each other -usually!

I would ask, but you could then give a gift to say thanks. Something nice like a hamper or treat experience

Clearly she doesn't have more support than her friends, though, so that is moot. And I wouldn't say that having parents to help means she has more support than the 'vast majority' of people. I would say that is quite standard, it is only on Mumsnet where people never seem to have any type of support network.

Sorry no I really didn't mean it to sound like that! I meant it in comparison to my immediate friendship group. I know me and DH are incredibly lucky to have the support we do from my parents and that a lot of people don't have any support at all.

Why does your dog need looking after? Dogs can be left that long usually?
Anyway I’d definitely ask! She won’t mind!

I’d ask but be vigilant on asking for too many favours. You don’t want it to get to the point nobody will do anything for you because it’s all one sided

I found our dog sitter through rover.com. She's been great. Our dog is very old and the sitter works from home so they have each other for company.

Just ask, if she doesn't want to she can just say no.

I have a larger support network than my sister so she always has to ask me and I know she feels like you descirbe. I know how lucky I am to have inlaws who help out whereas she doesn't so if it's possible for me to do it I'll say yes but will also say no if I simply can't. It's never a big deal and I don't feel like she's taking the piss.

Def ask. I am sure she helps because she can or she likes to, not so you reciprocate but a nice bunch of flowers or a lunch out would be much appreciated l am sure xx

I would def ask and add “feel awful asking so there’s a bottle of wine in it for the kind soul who is able to help me!”

Definitely ask People generally do not mind being asked to help others. It a perfectly normal way to live .Enjoy your evening.

@Gingerbread34 if you were my friend, I'd be upset if you didn't feel you could ask!

Even if I had to say no.

You sound very considerate!

That's 7 hours isn't it. Surely you would leave your dog alone for that long??

OP there are so many dog walkers/ pet sitters about now, could you look at one of those?

Or a group chat text? Would you require her to come and see to your dog for an hour or so or give up her afternoon and evening?

Local teen to walk the dog?

*wouldn't

Thanks all, I know my friend would think I was crackers for feeling bad about asking but I hate the idea of being a CF or coming across as rude or something. I don't ask for favours regularly at all, this is only the second time this year I've asked her but it just feels a bit cheeky as she never has to ask me for practical favours!