Do parents actually teach their children manners anymore?

[PleaseBePacific]

I get the bus to and from work each day and every day without fail young people push to the front of the bus queue, this is everything from school kids in uniform to early 20s going to work. I go at a variety of times and stops so not the same people every day.

I have always taught my DC to wait their turn, AIBU to say most parents don't seem to bother these days?

I could be that they’re being taught but then don’t practice the manners when out of sight of their parents - in the case of kids, anyway. I feel the same way as you and am sometimes surprised by good manners from a teen, which is a sad thing to say. I can’t excuse adults’ rude behaviour and it makes my blood boil - just yesterday I [lightly] elbowed a young woman and loudly said “Excuse me!” because she was completely pushing in front of me in a short queue for the bus. Just… why? It’s not going to leave without you, love.

I’m certainly teaching my 3-year-old and so far he’s quite polite with his ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’, and he’s obsessed with putting his rubbish in the bin (sometimes we pick up other people’s 😂). Hopefully I can maintain it…

I don't drive so get the bus regularly and can't say this is something I've experienced.

It's a long time since I've been on the bus regularly, but IME at some stops there is a queue with people lining up directly from the stop. And at others (usually the busier stops with lots of routes), it's a free for all when the bus arrives. Are you sure you have the unspoken etiquette of your route right?

I get the bus with school children. They are always completely fine.

No, I just encourage mine to grunt and shove.🙄

People of all ages do it, but yes I am hot on this with my kids

People of all ages do this.

TBH I generally find kids and young people pretty polite and conscientious on public transport - even the most gangster looking teenagers are often extremely polite to their elders!

As others have said, all people of all ages do this. I've just been on an 'adult only' cruise. The manners of some of the older generations; well some had absolutely no manners whatsoever and seemed to enjoy being rude. Lots of pushing in of queues for coaches despite queueing up, in typical British fashion, and they'd steadfastly look in the opposite direction to avoid eye contact. I certainly sharpened my elbows after day 1! 😂But not all of them! Most were lovely; it was just the odd few...So it's not just the younger generations!

I'm of an age where many of the parents of these kids are younger than me, and a lot of them seem to be severely lacking in manners too. Kids don't stand a chance!

I think this may be the stop you are getting on at?

Best answer!!

OP are you one of those people that expects people at bus stops to memorise what order the other people arrived in?

I don't see any of that around here. The girls at my Dd's school have lovely manners. Of course occasionally I see some bad manners but if anything it comes more from older people than kids. But I don't conclude from that that most parents in the 40s didn't teach manners! I don't know any parents of school aged DC who don't teach manners. It's just a lazy trope trotted out from every older generation to the younger generation for time!

Variety of times and stops and everyone under 20'is doing it? Really?

Maybe it's where you are - people here young and old tend to scrupulous about correct order or letting people ahead of them.

The worst behaviour I've seen at a bus stop recently was by two retired women. One (that wasn't getting that specific bus) had a walker, and the other decided she was in the way. There started sorting and haranguing each other while most of us (young and old) just got on the bus around them - including a young man who I suggested go in front of me in order to avoid these women, but he refused.

I'm not sure that it's a case of ' young people/their parents are the problem'...

I too have to get the bus to and from work 5 days a week and I hate it. The bus stop is stupidly designed and people know where to stand to push on first. If I have stood there for nearly an hour waiting for a bus I am not letting some entitled person who has just arrived, shove on first. In the process I’ve been elbowed, pushed, trodden on and wheeled over. Mostly university and older school kids but some older folks too. If someone says “Oy, wait your turn!” to these delightful folks, they just sneer and carry on. One even said “How dare you tell me what to do!” I can’t be like them and forget how mum taught me to have manners and respect, so, every day I just get trodden-elbowed-shoved….😕

No but then the schools don't help either. A couple of years ago I was walking home, against the flow of kids walking out of the local school. 12 kids walked into me, expected me to flatten myself against a wall/hedge to get out their way. I'm 6ft 2 and 15 stone so they really should have seen me.

Angry I visited the school and politely asked for the head...her pa saw me and took details....I heard nothing further so wrote and hand delivered a letter...still nothing....this school is in an affluent middle class area and prides itself on its results

I don’t think they are - as long as you are ‘kind’ nothing else matters. Really doesn’t set them up for an international future. But the bright will pick it up themselves.

DS10 will always offer other people to go ahead of him and he holds doors open for people. He has done for years.

Worst I experienced was commuting when heavily pregnant - men aged 20-40 pushing past me to get on a train, taking the last seat then looking away. At the time I lived near the end of the line so seats were usually not an issue but when there were delays, someone would do this to me every time. By comparison, the school children or uni students would offer me their seat

I'm in my 50s and we were being told off for our behaviour out of school when I was in my teens. Plus ca change...

I use buses a lot (London) and never encountered this from any age group.

Some do, some don't. I mean, face it - you don't even have to look beyond mumsnet to see a lot of parents stating it as an obvious fact that you simply CAN'T expect kids of a mere 3 / 5 / 12 / 16 / whatever to obey their parents or follow house rules, that their DC "refuse" to follow instructions and the rest. Not all, but a lot. In my lifetime there's been a definite increase in parents who let kids rule the roost at home and lash out at anyone who doesn't let them behave however they like when elsewhere; just ask any teacher. Not to mention the ones who think teaching manners is the teachers' job (along with using a knife and fork and toilet training). I've got a cousin who seems to honestly believe that manners just sort of kick in automatically at a certain age, like puberty or something - it would be positively abusive to tell her 4yo DS not to plunge his hands into the dessert that's meant to be shared out between everyone, but one day, he's going to just magically know. There's a lot of it about.

I'd definitely agree that young people don't have so much respect for their elders nowadays. Maybe that's because their parents don't really believe in this either, unlike previously when the elderly would have been the generation who fought in the war. I do impress upon my DC that we need to show kindness and consideration to those who are more vulnerable than ourselves, but honestly it's an uphill struggle sometimes given the appalling behaviour you see in all generations quite often nowadays.

And while the school kids tend to be the most rowdy (I put it down to hormones/the herd effect), personally I find that in terms of pure selfishness the 60+ and male commuters often give them a run for their money.