School Father’s Day sale

[Nimbus1999]

My kids school does a Father’s Day sale every year. I am separated from my ex and we 50/50 parent although our relationship is terrible and we only have the bare minimum communication.

I knew about the sale and asked him to give the 3 kids some cash. He hasn’t. I’m broke so begrudge having to spend cash I’ve put aside for other things for his Father’s Day present. Also have no cash in the house so would have to try to get to a bank before school. But on the other hand, all the kids will be buying their Dad’s a present and my kids enjoy it.

Incidentally, FD has never been a big deal to him. Although court said he can see kids every FD, he said he doesn’t want to.

YABU - Just give the kids some money so they can buy him presents.

YANBU - He should have given them some cash so it’s ok not to pay for his presents.

If it makes a difference, Mother’s Day was always a non event in our house and since splitting, I’ve always given the kids money for my own school gifts.

I can see why he's an ex..
If you don't have any cash in the house, I'm not sure I would be willing to go to the bank for some before school.
Get the kids to make something at the weekend.
It's really really tactless of schools to do this.

If you told them you don't have money for this would your kids really be that bothered?

When is the sale? in school hours or after because if after then don't go. If during don't send any money in.

If they ask tell them Dad says not to bother.

I don’t believe for one minute that the school does this sale.

Its a bit late if the sale is today but I would have queried this with the school when it was announced. You won't be the only family this affects and presumably they have an alternative activity for children who don't have a father in their life at all.
I would suggest contacting the school asking that these events cease going forwards and for today, explain to your children that you're making cards at home after school (if you have the resources to do that).

Its a bit late if the sale is today but I would have queried this with the school when it was announced. You won't be the only family this affects and presumably they have an alternative activity for children who don't have a father in their life at all.
I would suggest contacting the school asking that these events cease going forwards and for today, explain to your children that you're making cards at home after school (if you have the resources to do that).

I’d give them a few quid to get something small.

FWIW I think you should give the kids money for the FD gift and ex should do the same for MD.

It’s about the kids having something to give to you.

Ours does this at Christmas and Easter. Fleecing parents puts the fun into fundraising. So I supply materials then the dc make stuff and we buy it. It’s brutal for the dc whose stuff doesn’t get bought

With fathers day, the way I see it is it's about my child really. That IS why I spend money on father's Day. Because of her. Because she wants to.

If you can give them £1 each.

our school does it for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, less than half the kids bring money in so they won’t be the only ones who don’t

@Seashor why don’t you believe it? Our school does

I’m not quite sure why you are accusing me of being a liar? The parents association organise it during school time and have done for years. I would normally give £5 each.

Like I said, I don’t have any cash in the house (not even £1!) so would have to drive to the bank and then presumably withdrawn £30 as different classes / school.

We used to do similar when my son was in mainstream and I helped in the pta. It was a fundraiser, basically we’d go to the pound shop or b&m and buy loads of cheap tat, things like best dad in the world trophy, whatever we could get thst was cheap and suitable, then the kids would pay I think £2.50 or £3 to choose a present and have it gift wrapped. Same also happened at Mother’s Day and Christmas, big fund raiser for the school

Our primary did as a fund raiser for both mother and fathers’ day.

OP, I know they would like to take part but is he ultimately going to disappoint them with his reaction?

Why is it so hard to believe?
Lots of schools do them

Our primary school does this. It was sad for the kids who weren’t given cash. The kids were going in, choosing presents and then not having the money. So now we prepay and those who don’t pay, won’t go to the shop. It’d have chocolate or notepad/ pen type things to buy for grandad or mum instead of dad.

I think if he isnt bothered about getting gifts then just leave it. He might have the same reasons as you not to have given them any money (skint and no cash in the house) just explain to the kids that yoy haven't got any cash on you and they can make him something over the weekend if they want.

I do think if mothers and fathers day are done things on your houses, the opposite parent should fund the gifts. But it sounds like he doesnt want to celebrate or get a gift so dont stress yourself about it.

And my kids primary used to do sales for one thing or another regularly. We rarely got anything as I hardly ever have cash and used to forget. My kids weren't the only ones not taking part and weren't particularly bothered

our school does this as well as a Mother’s Day one

Why? My school is doing one they are selling fudge to raise funds for mental health resources in school

@Seashor I don’t believe for one minute that the school does this saleI’m not in the UK and even our schools do this. Both public and private from my experience. It’s a fundraiser opportunity. The P&C buys cheap gifts (many organisations facilitate this and bombard schools with their brochures throughout the year) and sells them for a mark up on the basis it ‘saves’ the hassle of having to organise gifts with your kids AND makes money to support student learning/experience at school. No way would they pass up such a fundraising opportunity! I’ve still got ‘I love mum’ mugs in use in my house from primary school days even though long gone for us, but it’s still a thing as I hear my younger colleagues at work complaining as they need to obtain cash for the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day stall and does anyone have any and they can ping an electronic transfer in return. Tiresome in the pretty much cashless society we now live in.

I'd ask the kids what they want. I wouldn't leave them stood there in school being the only kids without. But as long as they were fine with that then I'd leave them without.

Our school does this as well. But they ask the parents to contribute something to the sale and then the kids go in and buy stuff. It's absolutely amazing what utter shite people think is appropriate to contribute.

And it's an independent school!

The money goes to a school in Africa that our school supports so that's something at least.

Our school also does this but not all the children buy something. Some families will buy for an alternative male like a grandad, some families don't participate at all. If you don't want to participate then don’t, especially if your ex wouldn't reciprocate

Just say to the kids, we’ve got dad’s gift so we’re don’t need to get more.

YABU, but not for the meanings you gave. Your options of "you giving them some money for it" or "he should have given them money for it" are both nonsense.

It just doesn't matter, so stop trying to make a big deal of it. He isn't bothered about fathers day.

He isn't interested.
You don't have to spend money.
The kids don't need to be trained to buy crap that isn't wanted.

I remember the covid times when the PTA said they couldn't do any fundraising activities, could we just send them money anyway. Perfect, job done.