School Father’s Day sale

[Nimbus1999]

My kids school does a Father’s Day sale every year. I am separated from my ex and we 50/50 parent although our relationship is terrible and we only have the bare minimum communication.

I knew about the sale and asked him to give the 3 kids some cash. He hasn’t. I’m broke so begrudge having to spend cash I’ve put aside for other things for his Father’s Day present. Also have no cash in the house so would have to try to get to a bank before school. But on the other hand, all the kids will be buying their Dad’s a present and my kids enjoy it.

Incidentally, FD has never been a big deal to him. Although court said he can see kids every FD, he said he doesn’t want to.

YABU - Just give the kids some money so they can buy him presents.

YANBU - He should have given them some cash so it’s ok not to pay for his presents.

If it makes a difference, Mother’s Day was always a non event in our house and since splitting, I’ve always given the kids money for my own school gifts.

He didn't give them money because he's not bothered.

So stop making a big deal and trying to use it as a stick to beat him with

They will not be the only kids not going

And fwiw, they aren't "tactless" or whatever else the naysayers are saying - no child is forced to participate, there are options for other family members other than Dad and its a nice way for children to be able to pick their own gifts and be involved (and gift giving is super important on MN and must be taught from day 1!)

Does it matter to your children?
If the answer is yes then give them the least amount possible to buy something small.

And I say this being new to Co parenting, mother's day was not acknowledged by my ex, but my 5 year old was upset to not have got me anything. So I asked for ten kisses and ten hugs and was very pleased to have them.

So for father's day the youngest made a card at nursery and the eldest has bought one.

I do it for the children, and they'll realise that when they are older.

I might be getting the wrong end of the stick but ... I think you might be a bit Yabu

Yes his general attitude stinks but why would he contribute for his own Father's Day present?

Imagine the outcry if that fudge was then found in a lunchbox. 😂

Glad my kids' primary school wasn't this tactless. Dh died a month before fathers' day when youngest was at primary school.

He isn’t bothered. But the kids are.

Managed to scrape together enough for the youngest in loose change and said would take older ones to shop tonight. They seemed happy enough with that. My youngest was sobbing when I only gave her £2 saying it’s not enough to buy any of the gifts so glad I managed to find a bit more (in the drawers, bottom of bag etc!)

Note to self: must keep cash in the house.

its terrible they even have this, I know a few kids that don’t have dads, and a few that don’t have mums, I wish they scrap this kind of thing. Op is it a cheap one? Could you scrape together enough so they have anything? Sorry you even have to figure this stuff out x

edited to add- sorry just saw your post, hopefully she finds something, our school was great this year at lowering prices

Only because it makes the kids happy to choose a gift at school. I contribute towards my own Mother’s Day presents from school (he would never do it) as I know it makes them happy and they love sharing their gifts. It doesn’t bother me, just pay the money and then be happy with what they’ve chosen!

Why ?

Our school sells biscuits saying dad

This

💖

Bless youngest

I try and keep £5/10 in a drawer incase need cash. Like yesterday biscuits were £2.50

I rarely have cash

If they took Apple Pay would be easier 😂

I always feel for the dc that have lost or just don’t see a parent on these occasions. Yes they could possibly choose a gift for a gp but it’s not the same.

I’m very sorry for your loss.

When my DS1 was in primary one of his classmates lost his mother to cancer about a month before Mothers Day. Then the school hosted a 'Mothers Morning Tea' with all the little kids handing round plates of cake. That poor child was present and was beside himself. I recall one of the teachers just cuddling and kissing him while he cried. I've often wondered how the school did not think to suggest he was kept off that day or else managed it differently- but it may well have been they did suggest it and it was not possible for the dad to have kept him at home for whatever reason. But it was awful.

Our school does a FD and MD sale and I was discussing it with a friend with kids at a different school who also has a sale only this morning.

I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you missed that op was talking about a small child.

Yes as adults we have to process difficult situations and understand that the world doesn’t stop turning because we have lost a loved one. I would hope that most adults would have the grace and empathy to understand that a small child deserves a bit more support and doesn’t need to be unnecessarily reminded of their loss.

@EmberAsh I know schools have to raise funds, but, as you say, some children will not have a father in their life. He's either simply absent, or contact is difficult for whatever reason.
So I also agree with @Beamur that it is so tactless of schools to be doing this.

@SchoolQuestionnaire

I get that, but it is unrealistic to expect external forces to adapt for each individual experience. We all have bereavement, illness, changing family dynamics. You handle it and support people (including small children) where you can and prepare them but I don't expect the outside external world to adapt because of my personal circumstances.

What a nasty person you are. You'd probably revel in a child who'd just lost their dad being upset by other kids going off to buy Father's Day gifts during school time. Thank God my child's primary school wasn't as nasty as you are

Thank you

@PotOfViolas

No, I manage life experiences realistically. An uncle died on Christmas Day but Christmas still happens each year. That isn't nasty it's realistic. The world doesn't stop.

Why??

it's done at lots of schools.

people donate things & the kids can independently choose a gift.

its not insensitive. The kids who do have a 'dad' in their lives are just as important as those who don't. The kids can buy for Grandad, Uncle or even mum!

I'm going ignore your nastiness about a small child who'd just lost her dad. Someone as nasty as you isn't worth bothering with. I'll hide the thread.

School should be a safe and nurturing environment. In this day and age I would 100% expect people to understand and accommodate the fact that many children don’t have two parents for lots of reasons.

If a child has actually suffered a bereavement, I would very much hope that anyone involved with that child would have the foresight to understand that making a big fuss about Mother’s / Father’s Day might not be the most empathetic course of action. If asked, I think most of the other pupils would understand that. We’re dealing with children who have suffered a huge loss and potentially suffered a life-changing trauma. Of course we can and should do what we can to minimise their hurt and upset.