AIBU to not want to spend my money and holidays to visit this friend?

[UntiedLacesAgain]

A friend emigrated a decade or so ago. We were friends but not exceptionally close. She keeps asking if I’ll visit.

I don’t particularly want to visit her country and it’s a lot of money which I have other uses for(Not other holidays)

I don’t expect her to visit me as it’s no less expensive for her, though she does visit the UK or did.

She’s recently had a baby and I’ve sent a gift but AIBU to not want to visit a country that doesn’t interest me when it’d cost me a lot of money?

If you weren’t very close, she probably doesn’t mean it anyway

it’s bizarre to me that people say this stuff without meaning it but in this case, I’d feel reassured.

It's usually a turn of phrase when someone leaves to live in another country.

It is a bit like an open invite but more than likely she knows you won't go.

Yes, I'm sure this is all it is. It's a vague social invitation, in the full knowledge it's unlikely to be taken up.

Of course YANBU! How you choose to spend your money and where you choose to holiday is nobody's business but yours.

I'm unclear from your post, but do you actually wish to retain a friendship with this person?

If cost is the only issue, is there a 'half way' option that would work (though probably not until the baby is a bit older in this case)?

Ultimately, if you can't afford it, you just need to say that.

She won’t have any expectation of you visiting… just say no thank you

I think she’s actually serious about visiting. She loves hosting people.

Shes probably being polite. I live abroad and my heart sinks a little when friends visit as im not on holiday but they are. Costs me a fortune and I have work in the morning. I do want to see them but the extra stress of having them here is quite substantial

I totally get that people would rather visit somewhere else on their holidays too.
Just say youll probably go on an all inclusive with the kida or something maybe one year!

Plus she gives me dates at times.

So don't, no one is forcing you?
Tell her exactly that you don't have the money or the AL to visit. I can't imagine anyone not capable of understanding that.

She’s a regular host and loves having guests. Personally even if I did visit I’d stay in a hotel because I’m more comfortable with that.

Are you sure as others have said that she means it?

its like a bigger version of oh yes dear we should meet for a coffee soon! then never see each other until you run into each other again!

as for visiting you’re just got to have to put your big girl pants on and tell her. You don’t need to word it literally you have for us but if you don’t she’s only going to keep asking I assume.

Yes. She definitely means it. She’s one of those people who positively thrives on hosting. She’s lovely but I can’t relate.

She keeps asking and it’s ramped up since she had her daughter. Perhaps because she’s struggling a little or is feeling lonely. I can afford it but it’s still a lot of money and time that I’d rather spend on my own move than on a country that doesn’t interest me.

I wouldn't do it unless I really wanted to, simple as that. I wouldn't tell her that, of course. I'd simply say that you have other plans, can't afford the time or money, etc, and change the subject. Or possibly follow up by saying you'd be happy to meet up the next time she's in the UK, assuming that's true.

Travelling to visit a friend should be something you only do if you both want it to happen. There should be no obligation.

It's likely that she's feeling lonely post having a baby and being in a different country and is maybe hankering for old times and friendships.

However, I Don't Want To is a good enough reason not to. Tell her you don't have a holiday budget that will stretch to that trip at the moment, but you'll let her know if that changes.

She sounds very intense. It's possible she will be quite demanding if you do visit.

She obviously likes her country and thinks it's awesome and wants to show people she loves around it especially now she has free time on mat leave. If you don't want to go just say I'd love to catch up with you but Dubai /brazil/ Japan isn't on my holiday list so let's schedule a zoom so I can meet baby and I'll see you next time you're in the uk?

I have a friend like this. Loved hosting when she lived here and since moving abroad pestered me to visit until I did. Wanted to show off her whole new lifestyle. The experience is a thread of its own, but it was my first and last visit there. I have ignored all future invites and have actually put some distance between us. I'll meet her when she's home visiting for a meal and a catch up but that's it.

Just say no thank you ….it’s a non issue

Okay she means it

I’d just say it’s not for you at the moment

If she loves hosting then she probably has enough people visiting.

Just tell her you can’t afford it and don’t have enough holiday to make it justifiable. Or be honest and say you don’t want to.

Thanks all.

She has mixed feelings on her country but married an Australian and he doesn’t want to leave.

She was an enthusiastic host when she lived in the UK and it seems that hasn’t changed.

She wants you to visit Australia?

Yes Australia.

Oh god no. I have a relative also asking me to visit regularly that lives on the east coat of the US and my reply is always 'too far for me thanks, I don't really enjoy flying'. Definitely use the distance and cost as an excuse.