Help me.. again

[WorthyLurker]

I made a post yesterday about being a single mum of twins and that i’m struggling with my mental health and keeping my house in check.

Well, someone is supposed to come out to do an annual boiler/gas check up, but i’m afraid because of the state of my house that they will report me. I don’t know what to do, I can’t get it all sorted before they get here and I’ve already rescheduled once…

They will not care. I promise.

Just how bad is this house ?

Dirty unbagged nappies lining the stairs bad ?

The safety check is important for safety - you will be failing to protect your family if you cancel that

A bit of dirt and clutter isn't

Just make sure it’s easy for them to get to the boiler. Maybe offer a cup of tea. Otherwise, please don’t worry.

Reporting for a messy house would be a huge hassle and extra work for them. They will want to be in and out asap.

It’s really bad though, like imagine the worst it could be. They really wouldn’t care about that?

If it’s just messy, don’t worry about it. They really will have seen all sorts.

I have a relative who is a gas & heating engineer. The only time he has reported anyone was when he went in and the floors were covered in dog shit. General mess and untidiness he really doesn’t care about, as long as he can access where he needs to work.

Things they might report, so sort it asap-
visible drug paraphernalia
empty alcohol bottles lying around.
Animal faeces and stink
more than one dirty nappy lying around
dangerous tools lying out- saw, hammer, power tools.

Things they won’t report-
toys all over the floor
Crumbs
dust
clothes,
a few dirty plates and mugs
disorganised stuff.

What kind is yours?
Are your children safe?

there is no drug paraphernalia or alcohol bottles, it’s just general mess.
after a big trauma that happened last year my borderline personality disorder took a big hit and i fell off. my brother tried to help me at one point but just made it worse by piling up rubbish bags.

it’s not biohazard waste, it’s just general waste. i’m trying to get on top of it one area at a time but im by myself and it can be paralysing.

Sounds like you need some help and support OP. Is there anyone in your life you trust enough to help? I'd come and give you a hand if you were local!

If you are feeling so scared about this appointment remember you could just say it’s your sister’s/ friend’s house and they are at work. Mention they have been very poorly but are now getting help.

I really wish you well in overcoming this hurdle and finding yourself in a better place. I’m sure you got lots aof good support here yesterday. Use any resources you have available and do have a chat with your GP or MH team.

There's a big difference between mess/clutter and dirt/filth.

If it's the former then nothing will happen, but I would hope that if it's the latter they would make a report.

I desperately do. I lost so much last year and I’ve been struggling so much to get back on track.
I’ve asked so many family members and they all say they will help, but they never do. My grandma stays when she can, but she more adds to it than helps take it away.

I’ve reached out to cleaning companies but their fees for this are so high, I can’t possibly afford it. I want to be better and give my kids a better home, it’s just so hard on my own.

In the nicest way possible, lots of people keep their homes clean with no help.

It sounds totally unsafe for your children, an perhaps the best thing that can happen is you.be reported so you get the help you deserve.

Your children should NOT be living amongst filth.

Get off the internet and start cleaning, it might not be perfect but it will be better than doing nothing.

I've been exactly where you are OP, it's really easy to let things slide when your MH is poor and really fucking hard to get back on top of things again so absolutely no judgement from me. How long do you have before your gas check and would you be willing to say whereabouts in the country you are? Just wondering if a 'Mumsnet army' could be mustered to help you, it's been done before for posters in your situation and I for one would be very happy to help if you happen to be anywhere near me.

no hazardous waste so no immediate problem? Good

Get the boiler checked and get another bag thrown out or another surface wiped

I used to find having one tidy clean space helped my head

Can someone (your brother?) come round with a car and take all the rubbish to the tip? You may have to pay to do it but you need the obvious rubbish bags out of there.
Then, make sure the engineer can access the boiler. Do the dishes in the kitchen and wipe the sideboard, give the bathroom a wipe. That’s it. Toys all over the floor don’t matter. Shove the overflowing laundry basket in a bedroom for the visit. Toys on the floor and dusty carpets won’t get you reported for anything.

Just confirming again OP, are we talking about squalor (ie rotting food, smelly garbage etc?) Or “just” all sorts of junk and miscellaneous items all over the place?

Either way, you deserve help not chastisement! I just want to figure out exactly what we’re dealing with here.

FWIW, I had some people in to deal with the central heating shortly after completing chemo a few years ago. I had been horribly ill and the house was a tip (mess, not squalor). The workmen had to go into every room and I’d had to clear the junk from around the radiators in some rooms so they could access them. I was mortified but they were completely unconcerned and told me that they’d seen much worse!

I know that lots of people can do it without help, and if you think I’m here with no guilt or shame that my kids have had to live through this then you’re wrong.

My post yesterday was made literally asking what would happen if i reported MYSELF, bc i Need help and I am trying my best.

I’d be happy to help you if you’re local to me, us twin mamas have got to stick together 😉

For today, I’d Google unfuckyourhabitat emergency cleaning, it gives a breakdown of how to reduce the chaos in small chunks of time before a visit.

Are we talking hoarder type mess, or clutter and not cleaned in a while due to bad spell with the kids?

Short term there is nothing you can do your check needs to be done just make sure everything is accessible so they don't have to ferrit for your meter/boiler/fire etc

Long term can you get a skip? Or arrange a local man with a van to collect the bags?

I know I get overwhelmed by where to start when things have pilled up. But someone coming over is usually the motivation I need to get things moving! So maybe start today with the areas by the boiler or en route.

It's impossible to tell from your posts how bad it is. If there are actual bags of rubbish you could always say you have tried to arrange for removals and have been let down.

How old are the children OP? Would it help to put together a very small To Do list a day at a time to focus on priority tasks. Even if you only manage one of them it's great to see a tick against something you have sorted and achieved. It's overwhelming to try and sort the whole house out at once. Try small areas or particular issues that are urgent and deal with those and pat yourself on the back!

Thats great, a quick google will tell you who is best to contact but i would atart with your local council/social service team.

If its that bad you aren't letting people do essential maintenance to keep your property safe for your children its time to take action

I live in the scottish highlands, Im not sure that many people on this will be from here sadly.

Ok, firstly, can you open the front door fully? No clutter behind it? Can the gas engineer walk easily to the boiler and is there space around it for him to work?

If you can get that zone done, then he'll not have cause to complain. If he sees the home is safe, then there's no reason why he'd report.

Throw the windows open to get some fresh air blowing through.

Then try to clear the surfaces in the kitchen.

Can you do all of that today?