Help me.. again

[WorthyLurker]

I made a post yesterday about being a single mum of twins and that i’m struggling with my mental health and keeping my house in check.

Well, someone is supposed to come out to do an annual boiler/gas check up, but i’m afraid because of the state of my house that they will report me. I don’t know what to do, I can’t get it all sorted before they get here and I’ve already rescheduled once…

Ah, I'm not sadly and that might be a bit more of a trek than I can manage If you have stuff already bagged up is it worth looking on your local FB groups for a man with a van? I paid about £30 for one to take a load of bags to the tip for me when things were at there worst, just thought it might help to get some of the 'bulk' shifted.

I can do that. The door isn’t blocked, but I think today when I take the kids to school, I’ll get some more bin bags and cleaning stuff and try my best around the boiler area.

Agree with this. Bag up a lot of stuff, which isn’t a long job, shove it outside and find a man with a van to come and remove.

Tradesmen have seen a lot in their time and are usally unconcerned about a bit of mess as long as they can safely reach the thing they are supposed to be fixing.

I am the chair of our block of flats management company and we have only had one report over the years where a plumber hired by us refused to enter or work in a flat as it was so cluttered and filthy (we are talking piles of news papers blocking doors and halls, rotting food a disgusting bathroom and unworking toilet). We had had to hire the plumber in the first place as the flat had a leak that the owner had refused to deal with.

It was so bad we had to hire a commercial cleaning company to empty and clean the flat before the plumber would go in and do the work needed.

If you place is not that bad I would not worry. But please try and do what you can to tidy and clear - at least in tbe area the boiler is in. It isn't nice for the tradesman to work in a messy and dirty environment.

So far we have confirmed no biohazards - safety ticked

And you are making slow but steady progress - improvement ticked

You are not where you want to be and progress is slower than you like - that's life though !

I like lists I can tick things off

Clear route to boiler - get that ticked next

Can you just 'clear the path' for the boiler engineer? Any room in your outside bins to put a load of bin liners in? Think small so you don't get overwhelmed and concentrate on one small area at a time. Once a day even. So the entrance for example or a corner of your lounge. Ignore the rest and concentrate on one bit then when that's done do the small area next to it.

Twins though 😬 sends me into a blind panic just thinking about that! if they are fed, clean and well then you are doing an awesome job with them 💐 remember, teeny tiny steps still get the job done.

I would give your local district or borough council a call and ask for help. They commission services for decluttering and hoarding and all sorts for residents who need help.

in the meantime, clear a path. Take as much as you can to the tip. One steady room at a time.

You are worried they might reports you but also acknowledge you need help. I honestly think a SS report is the best option for you at this stage. Nobody will take your kids away but you might get additional support you need.

Do you honestly think it is so bad that the boiler person might report you, workers going into homes have seen all sorts. I took referrals for social care for more than a decade and may have had 1 referral after a visit to do work. Hopefully your home isn't as bad as you think but if it is that bad, then you need some help. It's not a bad thing to need help and if they feel they should share their worries with someone who can help , you might get the support you need for you and your children. Services are there to help.

Use timers to help you and lists so you don’t get overwhelmed.

Set a 15 minute timer and focus on one area. eg I will spend 15 mins clearing by the front door.

Write a list of areas and tick them off as they are done.
Kitchen floor clear of rubbish and clutter
All washing up put in the sink (or dishwasher if you have one)
Clear and clean the draining board
Wash up and put things to drain

I am NT but because of dyslexia in the family we all struggle a bit with time and task management so I have to break tasks down into chunks otherwise I get a bit stuck.

Get your DC involved in helping too when they are home.
Create a clearing up after dinner routine so washing up gets done and put away.
Have an all rubbish goes straight in the bin rule.
Get them involved in a 15 min clutter busting session where you all see how much you can tidy up in a particular area in 15 mins.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. There is light at the end of the tunnel though, keep going!

I have mh issues so understand exactly how you're feeling.

So your inspection is due today? I have a way of working that helps me, maybe try and see if it helps?

Firstly, I would open windows and doors and get some fresh air blowing through (I keep all my windows open a crack 24/7 to keep it fresh and aired).
Start at the top and go in every room, check for plates, pots, cutlery and put them in the sink. Fill the sink and soak pots.
Next is clothes, do the same again and collect laundry, pop it in basket/washing machine/bag for life.
Toys is next! Again, start at the top and move all toys to a pile in each room. No need to put away, just in a pile somewhere.
Then a bin bag and some smaller bin bags/carrier bags. Rubbish to be picked up and bins emptied. Leave a spare bag in each room, you could hang on a door handle. Every time you go into a room, put 5 things in the bag to throw out.

Everytime you have done a job, e.g. collected laundry, reward yourself! Watch 10 mins of a video you want, catch up on fb, play with the babies.

Once you've collected all your bags and you can't find 5 things to throw, contact environmental health at your council. They can collect rubbish and make a payment plan to pay it off! Cheaper than a skip and they do the leg work!

Start small. You can do this! You will see the change very quickly if you stick to 5 pieces of rubbish and it takes seconds!

The gas man will not report you for having a house that's a mess. Anyone who goes into people's houses every day, as a gas engineer does, has seen every conceivable type of property in every conceivable state.

You mentioned in your previous post that you had looked at getting your house cleared but it was too expensive. But do you think you could stretch to hiring a skip? That would cost between £100-200 for a week. You mention bags of rubbish, for example - all you'd need to do is chuck those bags straight into the skip and then at the end of the week the skip hire company comes and takes it all away for you. Then once you've got some space cleared you'd be in more of a position to do a bit of cleaning if you need to.

Lots of people signposted useful resources on your post yesterday, have you tried to access any of those yet?

I’ve reached out to cleaning companies but their fees for this are so high, I can’t possibly afford it.

We have a local acts of kindness page on FB where, believe it or not people that are in the same circumstances as you ask for help and its surprising how many people do offer free of charge and no judgement.
Is this something that you would feel comfortable doing?

Is your area like a lot of areas where councils have different bins for different items?
If so are you up to doing what I call working with bin week.
It's where you sort out the rubbish/clutter based on what bins go out that week.

On general rubbish week have a scout round for black bin/rubbish sack filling and make sure it goes out for collection, you don't have to have piles of rubbish stacked up just fill the bin then once its gone its gone for good.

Same with recycling if your local authority does that...
Fill any recycling bags/boxes/bins with clothes, old glass jars/
bottles/tins/paper and whatever else goes out too and put those out for collection on that particular week.

I've a room at home that has become a bit of a dumping ground for ages now so I've spent time removing and finding a space for everything I want to keep, leaving behind in one corner as I go through anything I don't really want, if no good then it'll get binned or good stuff will be charity shopped.
It's been surprisingly easy to do and I wish I'd have done it ages ago.

Nothing has to be done en mass, just chip away a few minutes setting an alarm is a good start and may lead to you doing a bit more than you thought.

It’s safer that you don’t all die from a gas leak. So you must allow the check to take place. Just make a joke that you have just finished spring cleaning. As long as he can safely enter it will be fine.

Order a skip. Book a few days off and start in the place you spend the most time. Keep going and be ruthless. A deep clean afterwards will feel amazing.

Or book the Stacey show on bbc and they do it for you.

Do you use reddit? There is a very supportive community at r/hoarding that might help you with some suggestions for how to tackle this one step at a time. The community isn’t just people with hoarding disorder but a lot of people who have suffered with mental ill health and are in a similar position to you.

OP, you’re dreading this boiler check and it has to be done so just concentrate on getting that out of the way. If you have bin liners, fill as many as you can with stuff you don’t need and put them outside. You said your brother helped fill some but left them in a corner? Put those outside too.

Deal with anything unsanitary, mess is understandable but anything such as food going off isn’t so clear that mess away.

The person doing the boiler checks only wants to do their job as quickly and effectively as possible, help that happen.

Thank you everyone.

I did a big thing today (big for me), and got help from the right people. I cleared enough that the boiler man will be able to do his job and I’m gonna do little sections every day.
Im also going to get help with my housing association and social services, as well as reaching out to my GP for additional MH support.

I’ve taken note of all your suggestions and I’m gonna do the best that I can. Thank you for helping me and encouraging me to do what I need to.

Great update! Well done you x

Well done you ! That's a great start and good to hear you being so positive about the future 💐

Well done OP.

One step at a time, you'll get your home straight snd yourself happier.

OP keep posting here to keep the motivation going

OP, I've just read your last post updating on what you achieved yesterday -so proud of you, well done! Keep going and I'd love to hearmore updates. It takes courage to reach out for help and you did it. So glad you found replies to your threads helpful.