To stay with a partner I don't find attractive?

[avartea]

If I feel he is perfect for me personality wise? As close to a perfect match as possible.

I don't find him unattractive by any means. I love touching, kissing, being intimate with him. I can also appreciate he is a good looking man.

He is also good in bed. But I don't find him sexually attractive, he doesn't turn me on. Sex isn't a chore, but a lot of the time I can't be arsed and I really have to concentrate and get into my own head in order to become aroused.

AIBU?

Yes.

No it's not fair to him.

Let him go.

It depends. Have you just had a baby? Is something else taking over your life at the moment. How long have you been together? Is it a phase and you’ll go back to fancying the pants off him? Are you menopausal? So much can affect you that’s nothing to do with him.

Hmm... does anything turn you on? Do you feel sexual desire for other men? Or on your own?

It sounds like he has a lot to offer. id be reluctant to throw that away

I do feel desire for other men, but very rarely. I probably find 1 man out of every 100 attractive.

I'm not menopausal, haven't just had a baby. We've been on and off for five years, I have felt like this for the last 3 or so.

He's not unattractive to me, at all, he just doesn't turn me on. I do usually get into the sex.

How long have you been together?

Yes, you are. Poor man. He deserves someone who does.

I do feel desire for other men, but very rarely. I probably find 1 man out of every 100 attractive.

That's about right, surely. Proper sexual attraction is rare. 1% is pretty good!

Before making any decision, read the book 'Come As You Are'. There's a different between spontaneous and responsive attraction.

Some people can see someone and think "ooh, I want to have sex with that person". For others, they only feel attraction after the other person has started the interaction.

I never look at my bf and thinks how attractive he is and that I want sex. But as soon as he kisses or flirts with me I can feel myself responding and I get really into it.

What do you want to do? Do you see yourself with him long term?

I think there’s no right or wrong. I still fancy my husband but a lot of that is wrapped up in how much I love him as a whole person. Looks, personality, our life together, how he treats me etc.

If I found out my partner was weighing up the pros and cons of staying with me even though he didn't find me attractive I'd be hurt and furious.

and I'd show him the door.

life is short. you both deserve to be with someone who finds you attractive.

You don’t find him unattractive, you love touching, kissing,being intimate with him, he’s good in bed, you get into the sex…..I’m failing to see exactly what the problem is here?

Let him go so he can find someone who really wants and is into him.

You are settling. He isn't the one. I cannot imagine being with a man I don't/didn't find attractive.

What are your expectations for finding someone attractive? Are you setting the bar impossibly high?

And do you love him? Not just that your personalities match on paper, but that you care for him and want to make him happy.

Your the one with the problem it seems

Sounds like lack of libido rather than it just being that you don’t find him attractive. Maybe worth looking into the reasons why you’ve lost your mojo?

I didn't say he, or anyone, had problems?

I don't think it's lack of libido. I still want sex and feel the desire for it, I just never picture it in my head or fantasise about it with him.

I do love hun.

*him

It's not even a stable relationship if it's on/off. It's time to move on. You're wasting time on someone you're not sexually attracted to and cannot consistently be in a relationship with...

This is me too. We are all human and I think this is pretty normal. People saying you should dump him immediately are a bit ridiculous. Is it an issue because you want to be turned on by him or because you think you should be?

The thing is, the reverse is true, and you can feel instantly attracted to someone, and continue to find them very sexually attractive, but they would be a terrible choice for a life long mate.

The person who you want to build a family with, and who you feel safe with and need to be consistent, reliable, hard-working and kind, may be different sometimes to someone you want to have a brief fling with.

And women’s sexuality is often reactive rather than instant like a bloke’s response.

Maybe I am wrong op, but is it possible that you are lacking something else in your relationship that you have possibly misidentified?

You might be demisexual if you don’t become attracted that way as a usual thing.
it sounds like you find him attractive, just not in the way that it’s said one needs to be attracted.
well, surprise, a lot of us aren’t- we need connection in order to be intimate with someone!

I wouldn’t throw this out unless you think it is hurting him somehow.