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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Peeping through opaque windows?

63 replies

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 17:09

A senior male DF lives in a row of maisonettes above shops. The end of the walkway overlooks the garden of some other flats. When short of breath, he sometimes pauses and looks at the plants in that garden for a couple of minutes (certainly no longer and there are no other gardens nearby to look at). A woman resident there complained to DF's female friend that he stares into her window, making her uncomfortable. A couple of male residents allegedly support her.

Those windows have an extremely dark heat-reflective glass which you just can't see into from outside. You couldn't see if anybody was inside. DF doesn't know the complainant or which flat she's in. He just saw dark glass and didn't think about being seen from inside and ppl thinking he was peeping. He has no intention of looking into windows. His very highly valued female friend of several years (not GF) takes the woman's side (been friends with her for 1-2 months). She says he shouldn't even use those steps down to ground (there are others).

Has DF done wrong, and are either/both women being unreasonable? He doesn't like upsetting ppl.

YABU - He shouldn't look into the garden at all.
YANBU - He may be naive but hasn't done anything pervy or wrong. His friend should support him.

OP posts:
ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 21:20

Jc2001 · 11/06/2024 21:11

Ok, you need to look up what opaque means.

Fair enough, but it's a shorter snappier heading then "Heat-reflecting low-E glass" dontcha think? It looks almost opaque from outside, believe me.

OP posts:
Jc2001 · 11/06/2024 21:21

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 21:20

Fair enough, but it's a shorter snappier heading then "Heat-reflecting low-E glass" dontcha think? It looks almost opaque from outside, believe me.

It might be snappier but it's a completely different meaning, which in this context makes a big difference.

There's no such thing as almost opaque. It either is or it isn't.

durundundun · 11/06/2024 21:24

5128gap · 11/06/2024 17:27

If he doesn't like upsetting people he needs to stop staring out of that window. Just because he knows he's not peeping and can't see anything, doesn't mean he's not unerving women. It doesn't sound like a big ask to stop doing something minor for him that's causing women discomfort, so the decent and easiest thing to do is surely just stop. Tbh it's in his interests as now he's been told if he carried on, it will seem deliberate and if he gets himself a label, people will not be kind.

Grrrrr. Why are people struggling to understand!!!!
He is outside. Walking.
He is old. He gets tired walking up the steps so he pauses part way.

He paused where a woman lives.

The windows are tinted. She CAN see out. He CAN'T see in.

She complained he is perving.
Everyone's on her side and being a bit mental.

Personally I think an old man of limited mobility pauses to catch his breath. If the woman has a problem even though he can't see her then the reasonable thing would have been to have a quiet word. Not all start telling the man is doing something wrong. Because he's not.

Simply saying 'Marge gets stressed when you pause outside her place. We know you can't see in but would you mind pausing elsewhere as she's a little nervous'

Rather than making out he's a perve and shouldn't even use those steps.

ManilowBarry · 11/06/2024 21:25

Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 19:35

I don’t think it’s about him looking as she had no way of knowing he had. It’s a power play to gain sympathy and isolate him.

I agree.

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 21:26

Jc2001 · 11/06/2024 21:21

It might be snappier but it's a completely different meaning, which in this context makes a big difference.

There's no such thing as almost opaque. It either is or it isn't.

Edited

That glass looks effectively opaque in one direction. If you can express that meaning concisely enough for a MN thread heading..............

I have made it plain enough that it's not possible to see, from outside, what is inside that window. This is not a physics forum!

OP posts:
ManilowBarry · 11/06/2024 21:27

I'd be tempered to get him to hold up a sign that says -

'Show us your knickers!'

durundundun · 11/06/2024 21:27

The woman's flat with the blacked out windows doesn't even sound like it's where he stops but in an adjacent building across the garden

I might be wrong but I think the flat isn't even anywhere near him ffs

ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 22:15

durundundun · 11/06/2024 21:27

The woman's flat with the blacked out windows doesn't even sound like it's where he stops but in an adjacent building across the garden

I might be wrong but I think the flat isn't even anywhere near him ffs

Width of garden plus height adjustment, more than 60 feet. Wouldn't see a lot even with completely clear glass and sun shining in, which doesn't apply.

OP posts:
ThingsPeopleDo · 11/06/2024 22:20

ManilowBarry · 11/06/2024 21:27

I'd be tempered to get him to hold up a sign that says -

'Show us your knickers!'

Wouldn't go down well.........!

OP posts:
CB1985 · 11/06/2024 22:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

mathanxiety · 11/06/2024 23:15

Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 19:35

I don’t think it’s about him looking as she had no way of knowing he had. It’s a power play to gain sympathy and isolate him.

Yes to this.

Someone is looking for attention here.

I feel sorry for the older gent.

mathanxiety · 11/06/2024 23:16

rainbowunicorn · 11/06/2024 18:01

Bloody hell the reading comprehension on this site gets worse every day.

Haha, it does indeed.

Allofaflutter · 11/06/2024 23:22

She’s using her victimhood to turn people against him. It’s not about staring. I think she wanted the lady friend as her bestie and is using this to break them up so she can have the bestie to herself.

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