To wonder if it's possible to have a baby in a tiny property?

[TinyTigress]

Currently living with in laws and looking to move out asap. We've been looking for ages and can't get anywhere. The only rentals we can find are mostly one beds with small bedrooms and we've also managed to view a two bedroom but again the bedrooms were both tiny. Even upping our original budget by £2/300 hasn't helped, properties just go so quickly and we can't really afford any more on the rent given we also want to start TTC soon.

Is it actually possible to have a baby in a tiny flat? We just want to find somewhere we can fit double bed, next to me and some storage in the room but that doesn't seem possible in the current rental market. Obviously won't be TTC until we find somewhere but it's so hard at the moment.

We were in a very small rented 2-bed when our daughter was born (1 small double and 1 tiny single). We managed until she was 1 year old, at which point we were able to buy. It was very difficult towards the end, even as not maximalists by any means, due to the volume of stuff and as she became mobile.

At 34 I would not wait any longer to TTC, but in your position, I would want to work on a longer term plan to move to a bigger place when the baby was getting to toddler stage, which might mean relocation potentially.

At those ages I would probably just start trying!
I think time is of the essence for you.

It might take longer than you wish or might not happen at all. Once pregnant you’d still have 9 months to sort out accommodation before baby arrives.

It's fine. You can be in a one bedroom apartment with a baby/toddler for a few years (assuming it's not open plan, so the kitchen is a separate room, so you have full use of both bedroom and living room).

At 34 and 37, I'd start having TTC now. It could happen the first try, or in 6 months or 12 months or after 12 months, you need IVF.

If you are in a solid relationship and have a good job (sounds like you do), just go for it.

I'm going to give you my experience.

We found out we were pregnant when in a three bed, rented, cottage. Totally not baby friendly and we wanted to buy anyway, so did it before baby came along (high prices in this area and once childcare is in place, we'd have struggled to get a mortgage).

We ended up in a small 2 bed bungalow to get the area we preferred. It's absolutely fine. She's a toddler now, we have to be creative with storage and think about toys, but we don't need any more space.

She loves that we're all close together, I can hear her from anywhere I can't actually see her. She can be in the living roomor her room while I'm in the kitchen and I can keep an eye easy. Vacuumed in 5 mins from one plug. Tidied fast. There are advantages of you're willing to look past the idea everyone should have a big house.

Can you save up for a deposit whilst at pils instead? A mortgage is always cheaper than renting as well as the extra stability.

God no, I'm in a two up two down and are constantly on top of each other!! She's 2, don't do it's it's straining our relationship

If that is your circumstance and you want a child, then I would do it.
I would stay put for as long as you can, save as much as you can and then rent a two bed when you are pregnant. Better that than trying to move when baby is 6 months.
If you can live near some outdoor space and easy things to do, that really helps. It's nice to be able to get out easily and pop back for a forgotten thing rather than traipsing down 6 flights of stairs and having to take a bus to the park.
Babies are fine being close, but you would need to think longer term for toddler and whether what you can afford is ok for that as well.

You need a 2 bed - for the baby and your own sanity. If your baby is a bad sleeper you will all go insane in just one small flat with one bedroom.

You also need to prioritise a ground floor flat or a flat with a reliable lift, as you won’t want to be lugging a pram up and downstairs with shopping bags etc.

Can you put yourself on the council house waiting list? You might be surprised - properties do sometimes come up and they can be more spacious than private rentals, with secure tenancy.

I have one child in a 2 bed ground floor flat, with a tiny concrete patio area outside. It's worked for us but I do have to really keep on top of de-cluttering.

I'd look at the location of the flats, even if you have a car. Without a garden it's nice to be able to just walk your child 5 mins to a park. And think about how you will get a pram in and out when looking at properties as well.

Yes, I have family in a one bed with a toddler. Two bedrooms should be easy, by small I assume one will fit a double bed and the other a cot or single?

Op I don’t mean to scare you but I was fertile at 32 and completely infertile at 34. Still trying for a 2nd at 37s I think my situation is unusual and most people are still fertile at your age so don’t let that scare you too much but I suppose the point I’m making is if you want to try make it a priority. Babies don’t care if you live in a tiny flat you can bring them out during the day. I would try if it isn’t going to bankrupt you and you are confident that you can provide the baby with a secure living place , even if it is small.

"Would you honestly choose to not have kids if you couldn't buy? Because that would be the reality of that choice for many people. Renting can be absolutely hell but it can also be fine. We've been in one place for 13 years, no issues, three kids. I wouldn't have chosen to not have them in order to buy a house"

I moved to a tiny flat in a crap area to buy.

It's only luck that you have a positive renting experience. Thousands are illegally evicted from private lets every year.

What life is it not to be able to pictures of DCs up on the walls, have pets, plant in the garden etc etc?

I lived in a tiny 2 bed flat with baby and DH. First few months were fine, but as the baby grew we accumalated so much stuff that took up room e.g. highchair, playmat, cotbed that the flat always looked really messy.

By the time baby could crawl at around 8 months, space was a bit of a nightmare as we were constantly moving them away from things they could knock over. It wasn't great for my relationship with DH either as we got on each other's nerves in our messy, tiny flat. Lack of sleep probably contributed as whenever one of us took the baby to let the other one sleep, you could still hear the baby in the other room!

Sorry, I feel like I should be more positive! Your flat might be bigger and soundproof though so you might not have the same issues.

I mean you do you but we have photos on our bookcases instead of the walls, have a house plant and can't have pets due to allergies. I've never been very good at keeping outdoor plants alive if I'm honest and I'm happy to get out and about to the park so not too bothered about lack of garden.

Aww no @Paperweight7 don't apologise, I appreciate you sharing your experience, thanks.

Sorry to hear the fertility issues @Helengreggregson. I hope you get your bfp soon!

It's possible but it's down to the individual what is ideal. I thought our 3 bed mid terrace (2 large bedrooms, 1 OK size) would be okay as our forever home. But now our son is here - and seeing how much stuff a child needs, I now think it'll be a bit of a squeeze for a family of 4. It's also much easier to save for a home before children come along, so I'd put all my effort into working and saving before thinking of TTC (age depending).

Babies have some bulky stuff like the cot, jumperoo (not essential) buggy and high chair - you also need to store those clothes and blankets etc. but that's about it. If you are ruthless about decluttering you will be ok!

I would go back to work part time at the nhs and do a day or two privately if that's possible

If it’s not comfortable to start trying at ILs, I’d move out ASAP to somewhere affordable and get cracking. The rest of the details can be sorted out over time.

Hi OP, no advice here on the rental front, but highly recommend the Bugaboo travel cot. We actually used from birth (with newborn insert) until DS turned 2. It's got a fairly small footprint, and folds up when not needed, plus it's really light. So in a small apartment, it gives you the option to fold it up during the day. Ditto a folding high chair.

Like PPs have said, that will get you to maybe 12 months, but after that you're really going to need more space. Whatever you decide, all the best!

There’s never a perfect time to have a baby and there will always be a reason to wait. If you were 24 I would say stay with the in laws for a bit longer and save, but tbh at 34 I would say go for it if it’s what you want. You have clearly thought this through, and from what you’ve said you are far more financially stable than loads of people having babies! Very few people nowadays are able bring their first child back to a large family sized forever home, it’s just not possible with the way the property market (both for rentals and sales) is - even people on decent salaries often can’t afford to buy/rent their first (tiny) place without help until their 30s.

In London it’s very normal to have a baby in a small flat (I think everyone in my London antenatal group lived in small flats and while not ideal it’s very do-able). A baby doesn’t need loads of stuff or a massive space. Try to get somewhere with a small second bedroom so you have some storage room and baby will have somewhere to sleep as they get older (even the smallest of box rooms should fit a cot or later a single bed). Ground floor or a lift is ideal, but I know loads of people on upper floors of period conversions with no lift who are totally fine (you will just need a light pram). My brother lived in a small fourth floor flat when his kids were little with no lift and this was before the babyzen yo-yo existed.

Remember, the massive childcare costs are only for a short period in the grand scheme of things, so once baby is in pre-school (only 3 years) you'll likely be able to start saving a little more and might be able to upsize (or consider baby no 2…).

I just googled the babyzen yo-yo as I've not heard of it before. That's amazing! Mother in law can't wait to buy us a pram, maybe I'll have to point this one out to her...

I had the YoYo when we were in a 3rd fl walk up. Used to hang it on the coat rack by the door so it literally took up no space.