Unwarranted shortening of people's names

[Tiredallthetimeneedsleep]

I work for an agency and people call me by a shortened variation of my name. I feel it's rude to shorten people's names without checking with the person concerned. AIBU?

I don't think people should automatically shorten a name without that being the name the person wants to be known by, although it doesn't bother me personally a huge amount.

I have what I consider a very nice two syllable name with two potential and often used "shortenings" (which are both also two syllables, and also quite nice), but I have never used them myself and hardly anybody else has ever tried, maybe I just don't come across as either of them! There was one man I worked with who called me by one of them, which I didn't actually mind as a bit of a change but I wouldn't have wanted everyone to.

When I started uni there were a lot of public school/ boarding school types who took it as read that you MUST have a shortening of your name or go by some kind of nickname, and as I didn't use either of the two appropriate nicknames I ended up as just my first syllable, which I find a bit odd but have gone with it. I used to sign myself as it to friends but increasingly forget to do so!

Another one here who hates having her name shortened. I introduce myself with my full name and if people immediately shorten it, I tell them firmly with a smile that that isn't my name. Someone once said, "Oh, I know another Elizabeth and she's always called Lizzie." (not my actual name). So what? Only my brother and a few of his friends call me by a short version. Husband has never called me anything but my full name, and nor have I ever shortened his, though other people do.

My mum has dementia but one thing she never forgets is to tell people not to use Betty - "I haven't been Betty since I was a little girl". Doubly annoying is that this is care workers who have been told what her name is. It's patronising.

I miss people using my shortened name - I don’t see the people that do enough and they are from when I was young! I wouldn’t mind if work colleagues did but it’s just a shortening not an entirely different name as some nicknames are.

A friend of mine was called Louise she said her mum told her they had called her that because they didn't want a name that people would shorten. Err....... 😂

Yabu.im sure they're just trying to be friendly.However, you certainly can say I prefer you to call me the long version of my name.

Ha! This is a pet peeve of mine. My name has 5 letters. It's not a name that you shorten but random people I barely know do.

Similar to being called Amber and calling me Ambs.

i have a name that always gets shortened and I bloody hate it! The shortened version is horrible.
Anyone else I know with the same name seem fine with it being shortened and introduce themselves by the shortened version where as I always say my actual name- it’s only 6 letters/2 syllables so not a very long name or anything.

if I introduce myself as name and someone then shortens it, they immediately in my mind get a black line against them.

I prefer the shortened version of my name.
I hate being called Danielle because, living in Brum, people pronounce it with 2 syllables rather than 3! It’s got a bloody I in it!
what gets me is when people shorten my shorter version. So they call me Dan- only my mom can do that 😂

I always call people by what they introduce themselves as. I know a Stephen who hates being called Steve and a Marie who prefers Maz.
It’s down to personal preference.

I have a foreign name. 3 syllables. People shorten it to my initial because they are unfamiliar with it and cba to learn it.

A lot of people I know with foreign names shorten or Anglicise them to Sid or Annie or whatever. It enrages me, really. The names have meaning. They have no meaning if you shorten them.

My name regularly gets shortened. I introduce myself in full and my name badge at work has my full name (only five letters long so easy to pronounce), it just seems rude to shorten it without at least checking that'd be ok. On one occasion I ignored someone at work when they shouted the shortened version of my name to get my attention - it's not my name, so obviously didn't want me😂

I find it so bizarre when people don’t just call someone what they’ve introduced themselves as. You wouldn’t call someone who introduced themselves as ‘Alexander” by the name Pete and imo deciding to call them Zander isn’t that much different. They’ve told you their name, use that…

My first name can’t be shortened and I have short shrift to a few (always male!) colleagues determined to shorten it to just calling me by the first letter.

I spent the first 14 years of my life with a ridiculously stupid first name (drug addled parents) and I thought long and hard about what to call myself when I changed it. Absolutely no need for anyone to decide to call me something different again.

I agree that it's really rude and it makes me very cross. I'll forgive people once if they've not met me before, but once I've corrected someone and told them the name I use, I get really irritated if they continue to use the wrong name. If someone is particularly persistent then I ignore them and if I'm challenged I point out that I assumed they weren't talking to me as that's not my name. Whether people want to be called by their full name or a shortened version, it's their decision, and it's extremely disrespectful for anyone to call them something else.

I'm the opposite - I have a long 3 syllable name that I always wished was shorter when I was younger (no longer care now) but it's difficult to shorten it, because my mother deliberately picked a name that was hard to shorten. However, that has never stopped people pronouncing it wrongly, which is very annoying since it's a simple name that's not unusual at all and can only have one pronunciation with changing the spelling!

I don't like it, but it's a useful signal that the person who does it is a jerk.

Counter it by lengthening their names.

"Hi there Beth"

"Oh, didn't see you there Jonathonulon"

I have the opposite problem and people assume my name is the shortened version of a different name.
eg say I go by El, people assume my name is Ellen but it's actually Michelle.

Just call people the name they ask you to call them.

Rude rude rude !!!!

the name someone introduces themselves to you as is the name you use.

so if Joseph smith introduces themselves as

Joe
Joseph
jo Jo
big j
sephy
mr smith
smithster
smithy
j-j

or whatever else - that is what I use.

not my place to judge, comment or change it.

over time and with familiarity - nicknames between familiar people may evolve - but on first meeting someone you respond to what they present as.

lengthening, shortening, adding a y etc is just plain rude!

It's rude with someone you don't know/at work but it's so tiresome when a friend insists on the long version of their/their kids names, IMO.

For what it's worth, I have a one syllable name that people frequently lengthen. I don't really care, to be honest.

Maybe I'm jealous of all of your syllables.

It is very rude.

It happens to my husband all the time. He corrects people and they carry on regardless.

E.g. Thomas getting called Tom or Tommy, Robert getting called Bob or Robbie.

Say to people - I prefer to be called Aloysious not Al. Most people will make the effort to get your name right, and just keep correcting.

yes it is annoying - but it’s life.

My favourite are the ones that highlight using English approximations of non-English names as rude and inappropriate and it’s not too hard to get a name right - while getting my common English language name wrong.

But getting overly upset about it just means you have crappy days - cause nobody that really cares.

EDIT: undoing the autocorrect errors

Yanbu

I have a name with lots of possible shortenings and people generally pick the wrong one.

I have a name which can’t be shortened. One or two people I have known for years add a ‘y’ on the end and lengthen it. I don’t mind because of the length of time I’ve known them, I would hate it if someone I didn’t know well did it. My sister shortens my name and calls me by just my Initial, her children have started copying her. That makes it a really cute nickname, but strictly for family only !

'Trying to be friendly' is code for 'presuming on an intimacy that does not yet exist'. It's lazy and yes, it is rude.

@StaunchMomma It's rude with someone you don't know/at work but it's so tiresome when a friend insists on the long version of their/their kids names, IMO.

Why is it tiresome though? I picked my DCs name because that's the name I liked. If i wanted him to be called Ed (not his real name) I would have called him Ed. Of course if he chooses to be known as Ed that's his choice. But unless he expresses that then he will be called Edward.