No birthday card or gift from DP

[cj8724]

I know this has probably been done to death on here and I'll probably be told I'm unreasonable to expect anything, but I feel upset today.

It's my birthday today and my DP is away for work, he left last night.

He hasn't left so much as a card for me, although he text to wish me a happy birthday.

This is the first time he's done this.

We have a baby toddler together, and I've spent my birthday on my own with her as I've got no other family around.

I feel sad that I'm worth so little to him that he hasn't even bothered to get me a card and some flowers.

AIBU to feel upset.

Happy Birthday OP.

I agree with those saying tell him. You almost seem afraid to in case it rocks the boat. Why should you have to swallow the hurt? To save his feelings? Do you think he would do the same for you?

Just send him a message asking where your card and present are. Or will he give them to you when he is home? Be clear that the expectation is there is one!

Definitely bring it up with him its really not on is it. Happy birthday 🎂

My dgm always said that the way you prioritise yourself is important as it sets the standard for how others will treat you.
If you continue to allow yourself to be bottom of the pile in your family your dh will do so too.
At the weekend on Father’s Day I suggest that you tell your dh that he can celebrate by taking you out as a late birthday gift.

And from now on go out on a weekend for a few hours on your own or with friends and let him parent the baby.

You need to tell him it hurt your feelings.
If not it becomes the norm that he won’t get a gift/card becuase you’re not bothered anyway.

im 20 years in and every birthday and Christmas has got shitter and shitter becuase I didn’t kick up a fuss in the early days.
this weekend is my 40th and I know there’s no card or gift coming my way.
Mother’s Day was a card from the toddler which I was happy about.
its Father’s Day this weekend too and I have a card and a present picked out for him from the toddler.

it’s actually become a thing that at Christmas and my birthday he will want to buy himself something expenisve that we cannot afford and then I will feel guilty that I’ve had to say no.
i made my bed as they say

Resentment will not improve your marriage. Have a proper conversation with him when he gets home and make sure he gets it that you absolutely expect him to acknowledge and appreciate the mother of his child with a thoughtful gift and while you’re at it some down time, just like him.
What’s the worst that can happen?

You need to start splitting the weekend , with you getting one day childfree to do your own thing and him getting the other.

Also get a cleaner so you don’t spend your “ day off “ doing housework . Otherwise you are still working 5 days but getting paid for 4. Anything the cleaner doesn’t do can be done at the weekend by the parent who is doing childcare. Again make sure that’s divided 50:50.

Your partner needs a big wake up call.

He sent a text so it's not like he forgot

Maybe he'll give you something when he gets back. Perhaps he knows there's somewhere near where he is that he wants to pick something special up from.

Or maybe he dropped it in the post and it's been delayed

Give him chance to come back!

Update to say I finally got a birthday card from "d"p... almost 3 weeks after my birthday?!

It's a moon pig one with pictures of me and our child on, they're pictures I've taken myself and sent him.

I don't want to seem ungrateful but I'm just confused as to why he bothered at this point.

I had a little dig at him last weekend as he got snippy with me over something small, and I said hang on a second I do so much for you x y z and you couldn't even be bothered getting me a bday card?

So of course now he's got me one... a bit too late or am I being funny?

Sadly OP he is a selfish arse.
Strongly recommend you dial back completely what you do for him, he clearly cares little for you.
You deserve better.

Horse and stable door springs to mind. Too little too late.

You know what to do on his birthday next year.

Ive seen lots of TikTok's telling women to match their partners energy, I think they've got it right.

So have you talked to him about your birthday, why he didn't give you anything, what his thought process was??

I told him I was hurt that he didn't even do the bare minimum, which to me is a card, I do so much for him and out child and it did hurt a lot.

He didn't have an excuse as such, just said he knew it was shit of him and he's really really sorry. He "meant" to get me one, whatever that means.

Just feels like almost 3 weeks later, a massive kick in the teeth. I'd rather him not, it's just a reminder now of how shit I felt on the day.

He has time to gym, time to go clothes shopping for himself, but not even time to get me a birthday card.

Ok. So has he been trying to make it up to you, showing you he loves you, or just making the bare effort? His actions will show you how sorry he is.

I wouldn't say so no, as there was no mention of anything from him until I brought it up last weekend. Now suddenly the card. If I hadn't of said anything then I guess he would have just carried on.

How do you feel about that? Can you move on, or do you need to discuss this more first? Has it changed how you feel about him?

He buys for family and friends but didn't for you, that's rubbish of him.

Op you keep saying you don't want a fuss, no don't do that. Tell him you want a fuss every year, don't settle for bare minimum, just a card, no. Honestly set your standard higher. Tell him exactly what you expect. Card. gift, meal, day out, activity.

It has made me really sad.

It shows that I'm just so so far down the list for him.

Someone who really loved me wouldn't treat me like that.

If I was someone better, someone prettier, with more money, someone that he needed to impress. I bet he would have done something for me.

If I was someone better, someone prettier, with more money, someone that he needed to impress. I bet he would have done something for me.

No, darling. If HE was better, nicer, kinder, or a half decent human being then he would have done something for you. The fault lies with him - not any failings on your behalf.

It's not you. It's him.

He loved you enough to marry you. You haven't changed.

It's him.

OP sorry to hear this, you deserve to be treated better.
do you have a joint account? If so, go buy yourself something nice and expensive, treat yourself with something you’ve really wanted, you deserve it.
He should not say anything but if he does tell him bluntly “yes I treated myself, I deserved it, thank you very much” 🙂

Don’t get him a card on his birthday. When he complains, get him one 3 weeks late.