No birthday card or gift from DP

[cj8724]

I know this has probably been done to death on here and I'll probably be told I'm unreasonable to expect anything, but I feel upset today.

It's my birthday today and my DP is away for work, he left last night.

He hasn't left so much as a card for me, although he text to wish me a happy birthday.

This is the first time he's done this.

We have a baby toddler together, and I've spent my birthday on my own with her as I've got no other family around.

I feel sad that I'm worth so little to him that he hasn't even bothered to get me a card and some flowers.

AIBU to feel upset.

You need to tell him op. And if he comes out with the bullshit excuse about being too busy, I'd remind him exactly what he had time to do at the weekend.

I'm starting to feel like this is almost a deal breaker for me, but I'm probably being dramatic.

He also had several days off in the week last week, we did spend some time together as a family. He was also gyming, did some things with his mates...

He's had plenty of time recently to organise something.

If he wanted to he would right?

I work as well and look after our child for the most part as he is away a lot. I'm good enough for sex and wife work but he couldn't even be arsed to get me a card.

Are you going to bring it up? This is awful

I mean, I wouldn't end my relationship over it but I would be incredibly hurt and would have no issue telling him so. Because it demonstrates how little he thinks of you and how little you're on his mind. If I was going away on my husband's birthday and leaving him alone to look after our child you best believe I'd have arranged a gift and a child free night out on my return !!

Happy birthday OP.

Treat yourself to something and conveniently forget his next time round.

It's bad form to not even get you a card or little something to show he cares. Sometimes people who don't like a fuss on their birthday, assumes it's not a big thing to forget others.. though very selfish not to consider other people's feelings.

This is the adult approach. Yes, tell him and don't let him try to shrug it off. It DOES matter. Depending upon his response, he'd be getting a "happy Father's day" text from me and nothing else!

If I knew I was going to be away for my partner's birthday, I'd make sure I bought something and gave it to him in advance so he could open it on his birthday. I'm not big on birthdays, but I'd be disappointed to not receive something small like flowers or chocolates. It's thoughtless to just send a text.

I think the ‘it’s no big deal’ people are also with shitty selfish husbands who don’t really give a shit.

It is a big deal if you can go out to the gym and lunch with friends but can’t be arsed to get your wife a card.

No op, you need to stop saying dopey things like ‘I’m too nice to not get him a Father’s Day card’ - fuck that, you need to ask him straight why he didn’t make an iota of effort for your birthday. Unless he’s in a coma there is no excuse and you need to expect more.

I'm so sorry OP, it's not at all ok and make sure he knows it

As it happens, he was away for work for his own birthday this year which fell on a weekday.

I got a nice little gift from our child and myself wrapped up in a little bag and a card for him to take away with him.

The thought of him waking up on his own on his birthday with nothing to mark it would make me feel sad.

And he is absolutely not a "doesn't care about birthdays" person.

I know exactly how you feel, it’s my birthday today too and though I got a card husband always seems to manage to be grumpy on my birthday, every year !

I’m feeling hurt today, not because of my husband but my sister. She has resolutely not acknowledged my birthday for the first time ever. I had a surprise phone call from the hospital and ended up spending my the day at a pre op assessment and confirmation my tricky op is going ahead next week. She msgd to wish good luck for that but nothing else. I go all out for hers every year as she has 3 boys that don’t make an effort.

Hopefully all these well wishes will brighten your day.

💐🎉🎉 Happy Birthday

Yeah you are right. Birthdays are pesky and unpredictable, being on the same day every year and all.

It shows that he is thoughtless at best. At worst, he's selfish and inconsiderate.

I would absolutely call him out on it. Don't simmer with resentment over it.

YANBU.
These things chip away at a relationship.
He had plenty of time but it just wasn't important enough.
That you are completely on your own when he is well aware is really poor.
Don't have more children with him and monitor your relationship carefully.
As he will have an excuse, probably better to not say anything but I think it would be sensible to reflect.
Perhaps returning to work full-time would be wise and keep yourself more protected than you are now.
I'm sorry.
Happy Birthday to you.

YANBU. I think he is thoughtless not to leave you at least with a card and a promise of a gift at the weekend. I would be saying to him that you will be taking some time for yourself at the weekend while he looks after your toddler and you will be splurging on a few things as a belated birthday gift from joint funds. I also would struggle with giving him fathers day cards and gifts. I cannot imagine my DH ever doing this in the 42 years we have been married.

Happy birthday anyway and sorry it has not turned out to be the day you deserve.

Happy birthday, OP.

I'm sorry. Your h has been really rubbish.

And you say he was at the gym both days at the weekend, and out with friends - what did you do? Did you have your own time too?

When he comes back, talk to him. Tell him how hurtful he has been and how you feel. See what his response is.

I didn't get any time to myself, I never do really.

We did spent a bit of time together and met up with some of his family as well, who wished me a happy birthday for today.

I didn't get any time to myself, I never do really.

Make this your lightbulb moment. Send him a serious message or have the conversation that this isn’t equitable and you will not tolerate it any more. I imagine he’s the higher earner from what you’ve written? Don’t let that mean that he’s somehow worth more freedom with time, spending power and worth more effort in gifts and effort. Don’t let him bullshit you and state that changes will be long term and without resentment.

Happy birthday. Let this realisation be a valuable gift to you. 🍸

I didn't get any time to myself, I never do really.

This is your real problem then, OP, I'm afraid. Your h thinks that the home and child are your responsibility, but he's free to carry on as if he's a single man.

How do you feel about that? Have you talked about it before with him?

What's he like with housework and childcare? I'm afraid I can guess the answer...

He works away a lot so yes for the most part the day to day stuff at home falls to me with DD. I work 4 days and she goes to nursery so I do all the drop offs etc.

But I can't complain in a sense, as he's very clean and tidy, is a good cook and will do that when he's here, and likes to get hands on with DD when he's home and do bath and bed and things like that.

But he does also prioritise himself a lot of times, and his personal time, hobbies, friends .

If it hurt you it hurt you. I would be upset tbh he could of easily ordered and sent you some flowers. He had time for the gym and lunch with friends.

@cj8724 I'm sorry you didn't get a card or present, and days with toddlers are hard work (I have one too!).

Just wanted to pop on and wish you a happy birthday, my birthday twin 🥰 it's also mine today, I hope you and your little one managed to do something fun together regardless.

Book a day out somewhere and leave him to parent xx

Thank you for all the birthday wishes, and happy birthday to everyone else celebrating today x

Happy birthday my lovely!! 🎂 💐 🍷

I do think you shouldn't do anything for father's day. Not in a "tit for tat" way, don't be rude or even mention it, just completely ignore it. If he asks just say pleasantly that you didn't think you were celebrating each others special days any more. He'll know what you mean.

Happy birthday OP. He definitely had time to sort something if he was chilling all weekend. It sucks having to explain something like this but definitely tell him you're pissed off. Keep your standards high and communicate them clearly. If he chooses not to meet them, you know he's a toad and not worth your time.