To stop giving baby things to my brother?

[miniorange]

As my children are growing out of needing things, I have been passing them on. These things are often expensive and sometimes have high sentimental value. I'm happy to hand them down, but I do expect a thank you!

Have recently passed some thing on that they need, again, no thank you.

Aibu to just stop, and give the things to charity instead?

YANBU. If he asks tell him that you don't have anything ot that you sold the things.

Bad (or no!) manners is a pet peeve of mine. Donate it elsewhere next time and when asked if you have x you can just say you’ve already donated it.

If he isn't saying thanks, does he even want them?
Id give the next lot to charity and not say anything to him about it. If in the future he asks why you don't give him stuff you can figure out how to say you stopped because he didn't seem appreciative.

I was going to ask the same question. We've been offered loads since we announced pregnancy and more now baby is here, and while there was initially a temptation to say yes to everything just to be polite we've now started saying Thanks but No Thanks.

If he wants or had asked for the hand me downs then he's being rude not to thank you, if you're passing them on unsolicited then perhaps they're not actually wanted (although they should just say that).

Also would like to know has he asked for them.

Are they sentimental to him or sentimental to you?

I'd hold on to them long enough for him to ask, but wouldn't offer, and then get rid.

Sounds like he doesn't want them so is trying to get you to stop but without having to deal with it

Put them on Vinted OP. We have made a fair amount recently!

Definitely not unsolicited palming off of items!

Mainly requests that come through parents.

Depends if he asked for them. If not then he should learn to say 'thanks but no thanks', though.

It's not bags of items, it's specific things as and when they're needed and they know I have them and no longer use

Sorry I'm being a bit vague, I'm overly worried about being outed and causing offence.

To a pp - sentimental to me, of course. Which makes me want to stop passing items on. With that said, I'd like them to get use and be appreciated.

In that case definitely rude of them not to thank you, and I'd crack on and donate to charity instead (but I'd also check that the request is actually coming from Brother, not Grandparents taking it upon themselves to suggest that 'oh Bro & SIL were saying they need a Jumperoo, you've still got yours haven't you?')

So your parents are probably getting the thanks for securing stuff from you! I’d be annoyed but at a certain point there should be much less to hand on.

If the requests are coming through the parents then you don't truly know if he and his partner actually want them or if it's the parents pushing it on them.

It's still rude of them not to say thank you of course and if they don't really want them then they should speak up but I've been the victim of a parent telling me things are wanted then later finding out they really weren't.
I'm giving to be kind, they're taking to be polite and neither of us are really feeling great about it 🤣

This is why talking directly to the recipient is important.

This could be true.

Usually what happens is, my parents come to stay (we live miles away), one of my parents will mention a holiday or a need for something. They'll ask outright if I have it, or I'll end up offering whatever it is.

Photos will be taken and sent to my sibling, then the item is taken back.

So I assume it's wanted?

Maybe in future I'll send the photos to make 100% sure

Op just wondering these types of things that they want and know you have surely can't be clothes or things like that , how would they know what you have or kept , is it things like highchairs and toys or bulky items theyve asekd for? . I can't think otherwise how they know what you kept🤔 have you previously told them you have bags of baby clothes? You're under no obligation to give away sentimental items. I gave clothes away but kept and still have certain items that were special and not sure how any one would remember that i had a red summer dress with the matching nappy pants in order to then ask me for them 🫣

I would communicate with him on the things directly rather than via your parents. Maybe he isn’t that fussed about the items. Maybe he thanks your parents. Maybe your parents make out they’re doing you a favour so as not to make poor little son feel bad about accepting hand me downs.

(or, far more likely - he passes things onto his wife/DP and assumes she’d thank you as it’s baby-related, whereas she assumes he’ll thank you because it’s his family)

Sounds like u are passing things on they don’t actually want.

Not the case

You need to communicate directly. Maybe brother doesn’t really want the stuff. Maybe he thanks your mum and the message never gets passed on. Maybe a miscommunication between him and his wife. Unless he has form for being grabby and rude I wouldn’t assume he’s deliberately not thanking you.

Next time just drop him a message ‘mum says you’d like the jumperoo, happy for you to have first dibs and send it back with her but let me know if you don’t really want it as I have a friend that would also be eager to have it and DC loved it so much that I really want to make sure it goes to a good home’. That way you’ll get your thanks and he won’t get stuff that he doesn’t really want. Win win.

And if you want to keep stuff for sentimental reasons then just tell your mum no. You don’t have to give away anything you don’t want to.

Going against the grain here, but I’d pass on to my brother regardless of thanks. If the appreciation matters to you though, then give it to charity. But I’d rather it go to my niece or nephew and I’d take some comfort knowing they are getting the things they need.

Sorry if it's too personal but can I ask why you don't contact your sibling directly and talk to them about it?

Maybe tell the cf you aren't a branch of John bloody Lewis..
Asking for stuff is vile....

Donate the items to a Babybank (like a food bank) if there's one near you.

I would push back hard against the parents’ comments If you don’t want to pass on the stuff. They should not be suggesting that you hand things over - it’s your property.