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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP talking a lot about another woman?

33 replies

ange877 · 10/06/2024 00:30

AIBU to feel upset/uncomfortable or is this normal?

DP and have been together 4 years and have a baby together.

He started a new job last year and met a new male colleague whom he's become good friends with.

DPs new friend has a wealthy gf. I've never met her only seen her in passing. By wealthy I'm talking a lot of family money, drives a Lamborghini, flying first class to lovely holiday destinations etc etc

It doesn't usually bother me what other people have as such, but my DP has taken to bringing up this woman and her wealth/what she has/what they are doing several times a week which I think is excessive and more than just passing convo, especially as I don't know her and she's no one really to our life.

It's stuff like "oh there's a such and such car, that's the same colour as Brian's gfs car"... "can you believe Brian's girlfriend has so and so"... "oh did I tell you Brian's gf got a new fancy watch"... "oh hey look there's a Lamborghini on TV like Brian's gf has".... "did you know Brian's girlfriend has bought them first class tickets to so and so"

Yes DP I do know as you've mentioned it 25 times this week!

I've been smiling and nodding generally but tonight I've asked him if there is any reason he keep talking about this other woman and what she has constantly, is it because he would like these things?

I would say my DP IS materialistic to an extent...

He says that he can talk about this lady as much as he wants and it's my issue if it's making me feel odd, and that I'm insecure and need to look at myself.

Maybe I am?

OP posts:
ShowerOfShites · 10/06/2024 00:35

Normally I'd say anyone constantly mentioning someone of the opposite sex probably fancies them.

But in this case, I think it's the money he's obsessed with rather than her.

Some people just can't get over others driving Lamborghinis etc, and more so when it's a woman owner.

Still annoying but I'd just blank him out, the same as if he was banging on about religion or politics.

Palsywalsy · 10/06/2024 00:38

Personally I don’t think there’s anything to say he likes this woman, especially in an inappropriate way. He perhaps just wants her lifestyle, and maybe he worries that’s what you want but he is not providing. It’s concerning he seems closed off to your feelings about it though, it’s hard to judge online. Speak to those around you both.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2024 00:41

Your boyfriend sounds as though he has the maturity of a 15 year old. If you were banging on and on about some wealthy bloke you know, I guarantee he wouldn't like it one little bit.

Per usual, I'd bet there are other issues at play here. You have some thinking to do.

Original poster
ange877 · 10/06/2024 00:42

I don't have any gut feeling her likes her... but maybe all the banging on about it has rattled me and made me feel that he'd like someone more like her, as in with things and that provide that lifestyle, which I certainly can't.

He also made a comment along the lines of "well Brian held out long enough and met someone great who can provide"... I asked what he meant and he said Brian didn't settle until he found someone "really good".

Now I do work etc I have a professional job but unless I win the lottery I'll never be able to buy a Lamborghini.

OP posts:
Original poster
ange877 · 10/06/2024 00:44

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2024 00:41

Your boyfriend sounds as though he has the maturity of a 15 year old. If you were banging on and on about some wealthy bloke you know, I guarantee he wouldn't like it one little bit.

Per usual, I'd bet there are other issues at play here. You have some thinking to do.

When he told me I was being unreasonable, I said exactly that to him, would he like it if I was always speaking about a wealthy bloke?

OP posts:
Palsywalsy · 10/06/2024 00:49

He sounds a little obsessed with money 😢 not someone who really sees what he has. He might not have feelings for this woman, but he’s perhaps shallow and thinks anything for a lifestyle. Again, if there is mutual people you trust, suss out their thoughts.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2024 01:17

He also made a comment along the lines of "well Brian held out long enough and met someone great who can provide"... I asked what he meant and he said Brian didn't settle until he found someone "really good".

If that's not a deal breaker for you, I don't know what would be. The utter contempt and lack of value he has for you is fucking shocking.

ZebraD · 10/06/2024 01:55

So there is your problem… he thinks he has settled and you dont bring enough to the table…

coxesorangepippin · 10/06/2024 01:57

He sounds like a total prat

Holding out for a wealthy woman?

Boak

Surprisedmystified · 10/06/2024 02:31

Agree with other pp. He is obviously obsessed with money.
His comment about holding out for a wealthy partner is so disrespectful to you. He is shining a light on what his values are and how much your relationship means to him versus his materialistic aspirations.

He doesn't sound as if he would show much loyalty to you if someone he considered a better financial opportunity came along. I think you should seriously consider if he is the type of person you want to share your life with.

Thevelvelletes · 10/06/2024 02:42

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2024 01:17

He also made a comment along the lines of "well Brian held out long enough and met someone great who can provide"... I asked what he meant and he said Brian didn't settle until he found someone "really good".

If that's not a deal breaker for you, I don't know what would be. The utter contempt and lack of value he has for you is fucking shocking.

That would definitely be a ..you know what cheerio..I'm going to hold out for someone good.bye bye fuckwit.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/06/2024 02:51

It just sounds like he's kind of jealous in a way, but more like he's kind of living vicariously through Brian's life with all these supposed luxuries and gifts. I'd bet he'd be absolutely enthralled if she chucked poor old Brian off for some billionaire Monaco dwelling plutocrat. It seems a bit like a soap opera. One you're not particularly interested in. Quite reasonably.
Can you just say you find the subject of Brian's girlfriend and her money incredibly tedious? He may think you find it as exciting as he does? God knows why but sometimes people just need to be told to drop a certain subject.

Lwrenn · 10/06/2024 03:32

I'd be asking him to ask Brian's gf if she has any brothers or if her dad is single and if so, give her my number to pass on.

Honestly what a fucking plank he's being. It doesn't sound like mentionitis for crush he has, it just sounds childish, like Brian's got the latest game console and newest trainers that he wants, but his mum has said he needs to ask santa.
I've got the ick on your behalf OP, sorry hen, but he sounds crap.

I'm not materialistic as such but I'm someone who would love the freedom that comes attached to wealth but to have a fully grown adult fixating on another person's car or lifestyle is very peculiar IMO.

Sosmam34 · 10/06/2024 03:49

He sounds really shallow and materialistic. Not attractive.

MsDogLady · 10/06/2024 03:51

This juvenile oaf is constantly gushing about her to neg you. In his small mind, he has settled for you and failed to hold out for ‘someone great who can provide.’

Surely you have the ick and will give him the heave ho.

andallyourevergonnabeismean · 10/06/2024 04:41

He sounds envious as tho he wants a rich girlfriend to provide for him.

If he mentions how lucky Brian is I'd say "he is isn't he, I'd love a rich partner who could take care of me"

Original poster
ange877 · 10/06/2024 05:41

Shining a light on his values...

Yes I think this hits the nail on the head to how I'm feeling.

It's not easy to leave as we have a baby, but I probably should.

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 10/06/2024 05:46

I'd say something similar to your last post to him. That basically he's as shallow as a puddle and it's really making you want to move on without him. That if he's only interested in the trappings of life there's not much point to him.

Shoxfordian · 10/06/2024 05:54

He shows you what he really thinks is important, he's shallow and jealous of his friend. It's not a good look tbh.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 10/06/2024 05:54

I would just say who cares and change the subject. It would get on my wick tbh

Guavafish1 · 10/06/2024 05:58

💰💰💰

Bringbackthebeaver · 10/06/2024 05:59

He says that he can talk about this lady as much as he wants and it's my issue if it's making me feel odd, and that I'm insecure and need to look at myself.

Well it's not necessarily a big issue talking a lot about another person (although it could mean he has a bit of a crush or something)... it's reasonable that you brought it up.

But regardless of that, this comment from him is horrendous and shows a complete lack of regard for you and your feelings. Certainly not selling himself as good partner/ husband material there.

Original poster
ange877 · 10/06/2024 07:02

Bringbackthebeaver · 10/06/2024 05:59

He says that he can talk about this lady as much as he wants and it's my issue if it's making me feel odd, and that I'm insecure and need to look at myself.

Well it's not necessarily a big issue talking a lot about another person (although it could mean he has a bit of a crush or something)... it's reasonable that you brought it up.

But regardless of that, this comment from him is horrendous and shows a complete lack of regard for you and your feelings. Certainly not selling himself as good partner/ husband material there.

That's how I felt. He said it's a me problem not a him problem.

I do feel a bit inadequate but I don't think I would feel this way if I didn't constantly have my DP banging on about a other woman.

I want someone that makes me feel like I'm amazing. It wouldn't cross my mind to talk about another man like that.

As it happens, one of my very dear male friends from school has done very well for himself and bought a v expensive car not dissimilar to mates GF.

I mentioned in once in passing convo to DP, when the car was first purchased. That's normal isn't it? And it's a good friend that we both know.

But if I was constantly bringing up my friend and how well he's doing for himself, his amazing vehicle and Rolex blah blah blah surely my DP might start to think that this stuff was very important to me and maybe I wanted these things? Maybe feel not good enough himself?

OP posts:
Sablecat · 10/06/2024 07:56

You know what they say about money talking and wealth whispering. You don't know how much of her lifestyle is built on debt either. People with family money don't tend to splash it around that easily on depreciating assets and paying for holidays for boyfriends. That's why there is family money.

However, the comments that " Brian held out long enough and met someone great who can provide"... saying that Brian didn't settle until he found someone "really good" send shivers down my spine. He does seem to be comparing you unfavourably and unfairly. I suspect most men aren't talking about wanting a girlfriend who can "provide". With a bit of luck though this woman will continue to prefer Brian and/or move on to somebody else because she has options. There seems no suggestion that she had given your grasping partner a second thought. He might want these things but he's not likely to get them as presumably wealthy women are not now throwing themselves at him. I am presuming he is not darkly handsome, 6 foot 3 with superbly chiselled facial features, and a six pack as well as sparkling wit and great personal charm.

Your partner is behaving very badly in plain sight.

Original poster
ange877 · 10/06/2024 09:00

When I asked if he keeps speaking about it because he wants someone like that, he says no he doesn't want a gf that has a Lamborghini!

But if so why is he talking about it constantly???

My bf does have a bit more money than me but he's not even earning 6 figures. His parents have a bit of wealth but not to that extent. He was privately educated.

Before me he was seeing a lady that he knew from his school days that from what I understand was more to the wealth level of his mates gf. It was very short lived and he said he ended it because she wasn't right.

Now I'm wondering if she ended it and he would have actually have loved to end up with someone like that rather than me Grin

OP posts: