AIBU to not believe how my friends daughter hurt herself

[Glowz]

So me and one of my fairly good friends have 2 children each and they are both similar ages. Her youngest is 6.5 months old. I see her regularly, probably 2 times a week minimum. Our husbands are also good friends and talk regularly

Last week she text me saying her DD dislocated both her elbow and shoulder from "rolling on her playmat"". I know for a fact her child doesn't roll and hasn't yet but she's always saying her children are doing things when they haven't. For example, my 10 month old starting walking recently and she told someone her daughter also started walking...

I don't believe her daughter dislocated 2 joints by rolling, without sounding mean, she's such a lazy baby, I do mean that in a nice way. She's so chilled, always happy and just happy to be laying down or sitting in a bouncer chair. I know the mum struggles which is why I make such an effort to spend time with her but I just think something is off about how the injury happened.

AIBU?

Also to add, she did take DD to hospital, will she face any inquiry or repercussions so I can be there for her if so

Are you suggesting she/someone has deliberately hurt her baby?

I think it's more likely there's been a really unfortunate accident that she is beating herself up about and feels such shame that she can't tell you what actually happened. Especially as you say she's already struggling.

You need to back off and stop judging her. My ds has EDS and dislocated joints so easily - the doctors will have examined the baby. You don’t sound like a very good friend

Wow. How judgemental you sound.

My DCousin's DD used to regularly have dislocations in her elbows and shoulders. She's been to A&E many, many times with them before and if the HCPs decided to even try and investigate why it was happening.

Odd post.

Sounds like you want to report her for child abuse on one hand.

"So I can be there for her" on the other

Babies don’t dislocate two joints by rolling, unless she has a diagnosis of the above I would say that she is lying and has lifted her by that arm causing the damage

You may well be right but if she has been to hospital then the medical staff will be the ones in the best position to judge and contact other authorities if deemed necessary. I don't think your speculation will be helpful so I would say nothing at this point.

There are conditions that can make dislocations prevalent so that was my first thought.

You aren’t friends because what you have posted and said isn’t what a friend would do.

Babies and young children easily dislocate limbs. Yes, a visit to A&E will result in a record that might or might not be followed up.

The hospital will have referred to social services who have likely decided there is nothing to do. DS dislocated his elbow at 2 and the hospital said they had to report to social services even though we had video of how he did it.

You think she's lying about how her baby hurt herself so implying that someone has hurt her?
Yet you say you want to be there for her. Why would you support her if you think one of them might have abused their baby?

Our ds could dislocate his hip just by sitting incorrectly, so has to wear special shorts to help prevent it.

My mum lifted me by the arm as a small child, I twisted and dislocated my elbow. I was small enough not to remember it.

Nothing happened. I'm OK. You should very judgemental and what you actually mean by 'so I can be there for her' is "I want to watch a show" 😡

Shit happens to kids, parents make mistakes.

@Glowz I can't believe that you are calling a baby lazy nor that a 6.5 months old baby never rolls around

Pulled elbow is very common. Happened 3 times to.my dd.

The first time she did it herself. I can't remember exactly how old she was but less than one. Pulling to standing but not walking. She had one arm between the cushions of the sofa and used the other to try and pull herself up. Instant screams! I saw her arm between the cushions and thought there had been something sharp down there - but no cuts. I then realised she was holding her arm funny. Off to A and E . Pulled elbow diagnosed and fixed..
"She did it to herself" seemed so unlikely but it's what happened. I watched it happen.

My friend's DS's shoulder would dislocate if you so much as looked at him. It's definitely a thing.

Usually when injuries occur in babies that are non mobile, a referral to the safeguarding team will be made.

I dislocated my son's elbow by pulling his arm to stop him falling down. Trip to A&E where they put it back in but then it slipped out again on the way home. It's so easily done with some children. After that we had to be so careful and I remember cringing when I saw parents having a lovely time and swinging their children between them - as we had done with our older son. Although there were 2 hospital visits, I don't recall anyone questioning me, or social services being involved - but then it was a long time ago now.

My daughter dislocated her elbow regularly as a toddler, the first time from putting her arms in the air when dancing around the living room. She has hyper mobility in that joint.

hard to say in your friends case, but dislocations aren’t unusual.

If the child went to hospital the Dr would have evaluated the injury and the cause. You sound like a strange kind of friend ...

Professionals will very quickly pick up anything out of the ordinary.

Leave it to them.

Not sure what you're trying to get at here, but just to echo the many PP above saying it is entirely possible for a baby to dislocate an elbow doing ordinary baby things. Google nurse maid's elbow. If the baby has hyper mobility of some sort it's even more likely, and that would also explain slightly delayed gross motor skills. I have a friend whose 2.5yo has done this three times, and always "by herself". The GP has now told my friend not to come back next time but just watch a video on YouTube on how to reset it😅

I'm always for giving OPs the benefit of the doubt on here, but you really don't come across as a nice friend. Your friend is probably feeling very insecure about having a late developing baby and just trying to keep up with the Joneses. Also, people have different interpretations of what counts as walking - she might have meant her DD walked when being held by the hands, or that she cruised along the furniture, or walked in a walker or goodness knows what. Show her some empathy instead of making a seemingly disingenuous post about her on MN.

I was only speaking about similar this with DS,who is a paramedic, earlier today and how most paediatric elbow fractures are a sign of physical abuse

Bit of a difference between a dislocation and a fracture though! I'm safeguarding trained and struggle to see how physical abuse would lead to a fractured elbow, whereas I can think of a number of ways it could happen accidentally. What is he basing his view on?

I don’t have kids yet, though I know babies are fragile. This sounds like an OTT injury, if playmats had such a risk of injury with normal use, nowhere would sell them and no one would buy them.

Sounds like you think she harmed her child, has lied about it, and you want to 'be there' for the gossip tbh.

One of my dc had an injury as a baby, and it turned out to be part of a condition she has, that's still ongoing as a teen.

The hospital will do what they feel is necessary, you don't need to give her judgement disguised as concern.