Parents said ‘buying a house is bollocks’ made me feel crap about my choices

[Fulltimemamabear]

Feeling really disheartened after my parents have visited, we were looking at buying a house with another bedroom (so we can have another child and more room on a whole as our current house is quite small), we also currently only rent but do earn the money to save and buy a larger home. However, we have decided to not buy a bigger home yet, as he opportunity to buy our current rented house has come up and it works out much cheaper, with our plans of doing it up (cheaply as that’s our trade) we could sell it in a few years and make money, as well as having extra time to save for a bigger home. We are happy to hold off on another child until we have saved even more money, it just makes sense for us as a family.

We were telling my parents we were holding off on buying a larger property and before I could finish and say we are buying this house, one of my parents said “all of that bollocks about buying a house was stupid” “you don’t need a bigger house” “you have a nice house”

Now I’m dreading saying we are buying this house! They are very strongly opinionated and quite judgemental at times, it’s just borderline rude in my opinion.

AIBU to not bother telling my parents until it’s all signed and done???

just a bit of a handhold really!! Feel meh and like I’ll be judged for my choice of buying my house … it would be the first home we have ever brought!

I'm always staggered that some parents of adult children think their unasked for (negative opinions) are in any way relevant.

My mother could've been on the GB Olympic opinions team but never once voiced a negative one to me about my choices as an adult.

If it happens again, I suggest saying "Well, it's what we want and that's all that matters - isn't it?"

If you’re buying the house you’re currently renting, I just wouldn’t bother to tell them you’ve bought it if all they’re going to do is spout out negativity!

Your plan sounds well thought out, and you shouldn’t let your parents’ comments discourage you. You should be proud of yourselves for thinking ahead.

Don’t tell them you’ve bought the house you’re in. They have squandered the chance to find out.

I do think though that it is possible it came from a good place “You know you don’t have to buy a big house, if it would overstretch you, staying somewhere smaller will allow you to enjoy life and keep the pressure off.”

It could be worse, we built a beautiful house, PIL said they didn’t like it.

I am going to assume that they are renters and its coming from a place of envy. However I would also say that most parents would usually want the best for their child or at least better than what they have or achieved. Perhaps as they near retirement its his own insecurities around not owning are coming to the surface.

It sounds like a sound decision to buy if you are getting a discounted price and like where you are with a view to moving on later. It will certainly make the process less stressful for you.

Congratulations

Just don't tell them?

But it sounds like it's the "bigger" bit they are being negative, not the buying?

They say they like your current house, you're buying it....no issue?

Do your parents rent or own as that may be relevant . You always expect parents to want their children to do better than they did but it’s very often not the case . When we decided to send our eldest to a private school at 4 my in-laws response was ‘state school was good enough for you so why bother ‘ .

You've got a plan which sounds sensible. If I were you, I'd go ahead with it and not tell them.

Are you doing better than them? Because that sounds like pretty poor sour grapes that you’re doing better than they did. Have the ever bought? Maybe a small house? And they don’t like that you’re going to be somewhere bigger and nicer.

They sound awful and you sound hurt. Its about the house but not about the house. Read up on your parents and your relationship with them to find a way to cope with them going forward. Toxic parents, adult children of alcoholics, adult children of the emotionally immature ate all great resources. When you can identify your parents by type you are on your way to managing their mean outbursts.

Why do you care for their opinion? Just do what’s best for you and you won’t even have to tell them!

Don't even bother telling them anything. You're making a great decision. Your parents sound jealous and thick as mince.

You don't have to tell them. DH and I made a major life decision we knew my parents would massively disapprove of, so we didn't tell them until it was all sorted and we couldn't hide it.

My DH’s parents are like this. They have an opinion on house purchases, the car he drives, where he works, where we go on holiday, how much he saves and on and on. Funnily enough, they never approve and always have a better alternative for him. When he doesn’t take their advice they get offended and start arguments.

The only answer was to tell them less and less and sadly, they now know nothing about his life. it’s about control in their case.

They don't sound like supportive parents at all. I was proud when my son and his girlfriend ( now wife) bought their first flat and I'm proud too that 5 years later they're buying a large 4 bed house in beautiful countryside. They've worked hard to advance their careers and save to do so.
Your parents should be happy you've been able to save and to now have the security for your family of being able to buy and in the future to buy a larger house. You won't have the insecurity of renting and all the equity in the property as it increases in value will be yours, not a landlord's. Hopefully you'll have paid off your mortgage before you retire and so can have the security of a fully owned property as you move into older age.
Do your parents still rent as that's the only reason I can think why they're being negative about you buying.
Tell them you've thought hard about it and you've made the best decision for your family. I don't know anyone that didn't buy as soon as they were in a position to do so.

Is it possible that they thought you were going to say you could no longer afford it, so it was a misguided attempt to make you feel better by pretending you didn't want to anyway?

Do they not own their own home. If not I’d say is jealousy.

Think about retirement....I expect it's a long way off, but do you really want to be paying rent, or do you want to live in a house you paid for, debt free??

Your parents, yes they are your parents, but I have to be honest sound completely stupid and resentful. You have a life that means you have the chance to own your own home.

My mum died when I was 17. My dad had no education. None, he simply wasn't enrolled in school, although being English he should have been, but it was the 1940s and a rural community. But he almost burst with pride when I got my first job in a bank (he saw it as being respectable, indoors, clean and a job for life) when we bought out house he was so pleased immediately, despite being very unwell, helping build a shed, changing doors...he died when I was 24...but that's how a parent should be. Pleased when your children achieve more than you.

YABU to be so concerned about what your parents think.
You're an adult - get on and do what you want.

Do they own their home or do they rent?

Just don’t tell them, it’s your life do what you want.

I would always much rather buy than rent if I could do think you are doing the right thing.

They said you don't need a big house and they like the house you're in?

So they'll be happy? I don't get it.

Buy it and do your thing. What they want doesn't matter. You only have one life. Do what you want with it!

Your 'rents sound like arseholes, why would you listen to arseholes OP?