Parents said ‘buying a house is bollocks’ made me feel crap about my choices

[Fulltimemamabear]

Feeling really disheartened after my parents have visited, we were looking at buying a house with another bedroom (so we can have another child and more room on a whole as our current house is quite small), we also currently only rent but do earn the money to save and buy a larger home. However, we have decided to not buy a bigger home yet, as he opportunity to buy our current rented house has come up and it works out much cheaper, with our plans of doing it up (cheaply as that’s our trade) we could sell it in a few years and make money, as well as having extra time to save for a bigger home. We are happy to hold off on another child until we have saved even more money, it just makes sense for us as a family.

We were telling my parents we were holding off on buying a larger property and before I could finish and say we are buying this house, one of my parents said “all of that bollocks about buying a house was stupid” “you don’t need a bigger house” “you have a nice house”

Now I’m dreading saying we are buying this house! They are very strongly opinionated and quite judgemental at times, it’s just borderline rude in my opinion.

AIBU to not bother telling my parents until it’s all signed and done???

just a bit of a handhold really!! Feel meh and like I’ll be judged for my choice of buying my house … it would be the first home we have ever brought!

I think family are entitled to have opinions and you're entitled to ignore them if you want, it's no big deal

do they rent?

stop telling them things you are planning on doing. We have bought this house not we I’ll buy this house. Or just don’t tell them, if you aren’t moving, why would they need to know?

I presume this isn’t the only thing they have opinions about, so just decide they no longer get to know stuff.

YANBU . Buy the house you want and just say - thanks for your opinion- when your parents give unsolicited “advice”, then change to subject.

Enjoy your future home.

I can’t really understand why you can’t tell them. If they said, you don’t need a bigger house, you have a nice house, why didn’t you butt in and say, “that’s what we thought and we now have the opportunity to buy our nice house!’

Even now, you can tell them you agree with them, so you are buying your own house instead! Sounds like they have form for putting you down; Noe’s the time to be an adult and stop caring too much about what they think!

If you didn't get a chance to explain the plan, I wonder if they were just trying to be nice about your situation and the house that you're currently renting. Perhaps they think you want to buy but can't manage it.

Your plan sounds great. Just play your cards close to your chest so you don’t get bogged down with negativity.

and maybe don’t wait for the bigger house to have another baby. Life is short and precious and it takes a while to grow a baby to be big enough to need their own room. Obviously depending on circumstances this might be an inappropriate suggestion if you already have kids stacked to the rafters!! :)

Congratulations on the impending purchase of your home. Don't listen to people who scoff at your well considered choices.

Buying your rented home and doing it up sounds eminently sensible. Your parents don't sound like they have best interests at heart, sadly. Just buy it and start putting some healthy boundaries in place.

You don’t need your parents to validate your decisions, OP. My parents think literally every thing I’ve done in my life (including staying in school past 15, working as an au pair, going to Oxford, living abroad, my choice of career etc etc) was a mistake. It doesn’t make them correct.

@Fulltimemamabear do your dp’s rent?
Dh’s parents were in council housing when we bought our first house.
They honestly thought it would all go wrong.
20 years later they bought their council house outright.

We always nodded and then did as we liked.

This. Or that sort of reverse snobbery - they think you’re ’getting above yourselves’. It’s not uncommon!

Unless they are financing this move it is none of their business.

Why do you care what they think?

I'm confused. They say the LIKE the house you are in. Wouldn't you think that they would be HAPPY that you were buying it? I think you are overreacting to this.

It’s possible they mean well…don’t want you overburdened with debt. Unless they financially assist you I wouldn’t include them in your decision making as a married couple. Buy the house and I would have the baby too. Put baby in your room or siblings and take it one day at a time while you remodel and raise your family. No time better than the present to work on achieving your life goals.

Just carry on. My MIL told me that she “hates” my SIL’s house—it’s too small apparently. I said, “Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to live there, then.” So rude—you do you and take no notice of their opinions.

Sometimes they actually say they always wanted better for their DC, but when you’ve moved away and achieved the ‘better’, they make comments that suggest they’d have preferred it if you’d have stayed in your home town and sent your DC to your old school - even though it was clearly struggling…

OP, you and your DH should decide what you’re going to do, and just do it. You and your DP need to adjust to the point where they can’t influence what you do anymore.

You need to put them on a strict information diet.

Don’t bother telling the miserable bastards about buying the house. If they can’t be happy for you, they don’t deserve to know.

Your plan sounds good.
Do your parents rent? If so explain you'll be mortgage free one day and they'll be paying rent (and possibly someone else mortgage) for the rest of their lives.

Let me guess-they don’t own their own home, right?
Jealousy, pure and simple. Ignore.

Your plan sounds very sensible, as is the advice to tell them very little.

I'd also say though that you may be able to have a child where you are if you have two beds, or even one, and have them share a room initially and you either use the lounge or the other bedroom. Don't think each child needs a bedroom from the start, they can definitely do a few early years in together or one in with you, and then move to a bigger house as time and finances allow. Just a thought.