Feeling hurt and pissed off at friends

[catsandcargopants]

I was out yesterday with one of my closest friends and her husband, lets call them Angela and Jimmy. A few years ago I fell and fractured my back in two places. I have since been diagnosed with osteopenia. The fractures were towards the bottom of my spine. This happened during covid and I spoke to doctors over the phone probably about 10 times. It was only after about 3 months after I fell that I got sent for an x-ray by which time the fractures had healed. I worked from my bed the whole time. Anyway I take strong painkillers, not because I want to but because I am in a lot of pain if I didn't I certainly wouldn't be able to work. The doctor thinks I may have nerve damage also. I took the tablets yesterday and Jimmy asked what I was taking. I told him and he told me to stop them and that I was basically a junkie and addicted. Angela agreed with him. I asked Jimmy what I should do then and he said just suck it up. I don't crave these drugs and take less than I am allowed to. I only remember to take them when I am in pain. I'm feeling pretty hurt just now and to make it worse my DH never said a word to back me up, although he did seem pretty drunk at this point. WWYD?

If you need it why would it matter what other people think, is caring this much causing you other issues?

Your error was in engaging in any conversation about this with him. You should say that it is your health and that you and your doctor have decided what's best I would probably have told him to show me his medical degree

One thing you'll find about having a chronic condition, there are always people who just know what will fix it or how you should manage it.

Yeah I'm sorry he was a dick.

I was in an accident ten years ago and take painkillers pretty much every day. There are plenty of people who will judge you for taking them but have no idea how bad the pain can get.

I'm sorry you had to experience it.

So many people don't understand chronic pain. They don't understand that you are only 'normal'and 'fine' because you do take them.

You could say 'I used to think like you until it happened to me. People don't understand chronic pain until it happens to them.'

Agree with a pp, unless he has a recent medical degree and his Mastermind specialist subject is your condition, don't pay any notice. People love to share their wisdom on other folks health issues when they know bugger all.

No one should have to suffer with unbearable pain. And certainly no one but your doctor should comment about what means you use to deal with that pain. Apart from it being no one's business, it's bloody rude.

Can't stand stuff like this. It's a total lack of empathy

You don't mention that Jimmy is a doctor in a relevant speciality so he can fuck off.

I understand the concerns about prescription drug addiction but your treatment is between you and your doctor and Jimmy should mind his own business.

Lucky Jimmy to never have experienced debilitating pain.

I would reassess if I wanted to keep Angela and Jimmy as friends after they've behaved so disrespectfully and disgustingly.

No one should have to suffer chronic pain and you're not an addict for actually needing painkillers.

Wait till they bring out the suggestions of yoga and kale smoothies or that big Pharma is the reason you're given painkillers. Very common experience for those of us with chronic health issues. So many people think we could fix ourselves if we just followed their guaranteed to cure us advice.

I had a conversation about pain killers with the doctor that diagnosed my life long conditon, he worked part time between his practice and the addiction centre at the major hospital nearby as one of their specialists and had absolutely no problem with giving opioids to people we chronic health. He said of course we get 'addicted' to being in less pain, who wouldn't get addicted to that. Pain killers don't work for me neither the nerve kind or the more traditional ones, anyone who thinks someone should live this way when they have a choice not too can fuck off and then fuck off again. Its easy to be sanctimonious when you're not the one suffering.

Unless both Jimmy and Angela have had your injury and recovered from it, and they are trained medical professionals with a speciality in the discipline of medicine that your injury would come under for diagnosis and treatment plans - guess what - they don't have a say in your treatment plan!!!!!!

Take the medication.

If you can, keep at your GP asking to see a specialist because you can't live a life where you have to start the morning taking ibuprofen or paracetamol or something stronger just to get through the day. Eventually you'll need more and more and more to treat the pain.

Definitely try to see a specialist though.

I would reassess if I wanted to keep Angela and Jimmy as friends after they've behaved so disrespectfully and disgustingly

This. You can do without sanctimonious idiots in your life.

Is he in the medical field and aware of what pain and problems you have.

It’s not even the disrespect for me — it’s the sheer stupidity of pontificating about someone else’s chronic pain and associated treatments, and leaping to a spectacularly silly conclusion based on no apparent evidence. I mean, are they usually this dopey?

My mum lived off swigs of Oramorph (opiate) for years because of 5 crumbled vertebrae. Her final years would have been agony if she paid any attention to your 'friends'. She would have told Jimmy where he could shove his sanctimony in no uncertain terms.

Your "friends" need to fuck right off (YANBU) though you need not to depend on their opinion in such personal matter (YABU).

Ah yes, or having a more alkaline diet, or juice diet, or fasting, or just not stressing as much, or resolving childhood trauma.

I do agree it's ideal not to take medications if you don't have to but they definitely have their place.

Some men are so ready and willing to minimise women's pain. It is absolutely none of their business what you're taking and why. Your only error here was to indulge their opinion. These people are not friends.

I've been taking codeine for 30 years following an accident. Like you I take only what I need and neither the dosage nor the number taken has increased.

Chronic pain is a mystery to anybody who doesn't suffer from it.

What the hell has it got to do with him? And shame on your husband for not sticking up for you. Shame on your friend too.

Thanks for the replies everyone, I have been feeling a bit sensitive because of a recent bereavement. It just affected me more I think because I was feeling fragile. I did tell him to get to fuck by the way.

Opinions are like butt holes and everyone has one.
My mum has severe chronic pain. She cut opioids herself and went back to other pain meds as they weren't really working due to building a tolerance. She tries to keep morphine for really bad days. And cocodamol for her bad days and manage with paracetamol on her less painful days. Difference is she has worked this plan with her dr and none if us as family have ever commented on how she manages her pain. That's between her and her Gp

Bloody hell no one knows the pain of back and verve pain unless you've been through it, ignore him! At least it means you're able to get out and about ... and if you were addicted you'd be craving them, unable to cope with anything without them - not just taking them when necessary

This pretty much nails it