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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude to leave a wedding before the end?

37 replies

ToxicChristmas · 07/06/2024 23:25

I've had mixed opinions on this, but do you think it's acceptable to leave a (full invite) wedding before the midnight end or would you stick it out? Would it be OK to leave around 10? Wedding is at 1.30pm. Would anyone even really notice?

OP posts:
Bayleaftree63 · 07/06/2024 23:27

Leave when you want. Everyone will probably be too drunk to notice anyway :)

OrangeLemonLime24 · 07/06/2024 23:27

No, of course not. 10pm is fine.

Lavender14 · 07/06/2024 23:28

I think that's fine. Especially if you've a long journey or young children with you or an early shift in the morning. In which case I'd likely give a heads up in advance that you can't stay as late as you'd like to. I would say anything after 10pm is fair game, anything before 10pm you'd want to have a decent excuse.

Original poster
ToxicChristmas · 07/06/2024 23:30

Bayleaftree63 · 07/06/2024 23:27

Leave when you want. Everyone will probably be too drunk to notice anyway :)

This is what I was hoping. I've been quite ill recently and I'm absolutely shattered and just not up for a really late night after a long day. Some people have said its really rude and I should stick it out as the couple may have late plans like fireworks or bacon butties. I wasn't going to announce my leaving, just slip out quietly.

OP posts:
Arseconono · 07/06/2024 23:32

Honestly unless it’s a super small wedding (in which case I’d assume that you could be very open) they won’t really even notice.

whike I can remember who stayed right to the very end of my wedding (it was a very late one) I would have no clue about who left when. You’ll be fine

UnpackingBooksFromBoxes · 07/06/2024 23:32

ToxicChristmas · 07/06/2024 23:30

This is what I was hoping. I've been quite ill recently and I'm absolutely shattered and just not up for a really late night after a long day. Some people have said its really rude and I should stick it out as the couple may have late plans like fireworks or bacon butties. I wasn't going to announce my leaving, just slip out quietly.

Show quote history

I’d always say goodbye, congratulations and thank you for the invite to the couple getting married.

DistinguishedSocialCommentator · 07/06/2024 23:35

A wedding invite is not a prison sentence so leave when you want to

TheOccupier · 07/06/2024 23:37

It's traditionally considered rude to leave before the bride and groom do.

Jeezitneverends · 07/06/2024 23:41

Traditionally you shouldn’t leave before the bride and groom, but given that you’ve been unwell, as long as you say goodbye to them and slip out I don’t think anyone could hold it against you!

Ponderingwindow · 07/06/2024 23:42

traditionally the bride and groom are supposed to leave after the key events. That way guests have the option to stay later, but the send off isn’t supposed to be in the wee hours. The problem is that wedding couples have now decided to close out the party instead of making a polite exit themselves.

it’s perfectly acceptable to leave after the meal, cake, speeches, first dances, etc., whatever order they happen to be scheduled in

Morph22010 · 07/06/2024 23:45

TheOccupier · 07/06/2024 23:37

It's traditionally considered rude to leave before the bride and groom do.

But doesn’t that go back to the days when bride and groom left to go on honeymoon part way through the night (remember that as a child at weddings as we’d decorate the car they drove off in). Now a days that tends to be a few days/ weeks later

AlltheFs · 07/06/2024 23:45

I think after 9pm is absolutely fine if it has been most of the day.

Absolutely not ok to leave before the meal, speeches and all that nonsense, and to wait until after any evening guests have arrived and they’ve had the evening food/band etc.

But after that it’s fine. Every wedding I have endured has had people with children that need to leave, people on early work shifts, elderly people etc that have left late evening.

I don’t think I’ve stayed later than 11 even when sleeping at the venue, usually had enough by 10 and retire to watch TV.

StormingNorman · 07/06/2024 23:46

TheOccupier · 07/06/2024 23:37

It's traditionally considered rude to leave before the bride and groom do.

Traditionally the bride and groom would leave fairly early to go on honeymoon. Now weddings go on until 2-3 in the morning! One groom was still going with army buddies at 6am!! I just don’t have the stamina these days 😂

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/06/2024 23:47

TheOccupier · 07/06/2024 23:37

It's traditionally considered rude to leave before the bride and groom do.

That was when the couple couldn't wait to get away alone together, and left midafternoon following a quick cake and wine reception.

Now that being alone is no novelty, and they want to milk the most out of every cent they have spent on the evening do, the rule no longer applies. Fine to leave any time it suits.

LeaveTheClocksAlone · 07/06/2024 23:47

Is that you, Eugenie? 😃

RitaIncognita · 07/06/2024 23:47

TheOccupier · 07/06/2024 23:37

It's traditionally considered rude to leave before the bride and groom do.

I think that was in the days before weddings in the UK became marathons.

cadburyegg · 07/06/2024 23:48

10pm is fine. I left a wedding at 9.30pm a couple of weeks ago because I was tired and needed to get back to my kids (my mum was babysitting).

At my wedding one of my guests left after the ceremony 😂

NewName24 · 07/06/2024 23:49

Of course it's not rude, and is to be expected if you have a wedding at 1.30 pm.

That is a long time for any 'do' to go on, even before you add on travel time for those that have come a long way.

At many weddings, a few people leave after the meal and speeches.

SabreIsMyFave · 07/06/2024 23:49

If people are going to have these stupid long '12 hours from start to finish' weddings, then they're going to have to suck it up if people want to leave early. I have known several weddings from the past 2 years that went on from midday to midnight, and around 10-15 people left by 5.30pm - all aged 50+.

They just found it too exhausting staying so long. There is so much hanging around too. You have to be there for midday - as the photographer wants to take pics before the wedding, and you all need to be seated etc... Then the wedding is 1pm til 1.30pm. Then the bride and groom go off to get their photos done, and don't come back til 2.45pm to 3pm. Then it's the reception/wedding breakfast (that goes on from 3pm til 5pm) with all the fucking boring speeches, and 6 courses, and big gaps between courses.

THEN it's another 2 hours before the 'night do.' Most tiresome and tedious bit. Fuck-all to do except wander around, chat to randoms, and buy overpriced drinks at the bar.

So NO it's not rude to leave a wedding early. Not when they are so bloody long. It's OK to say 'you should wait for the cake cutting' as a pp said, but one couple didn't do it til 8.30pm at one wedding last year. Confused

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/06/2024 23:49

AlltheFs · 07/06/2024 23:45

I think after 9pm is absolutely fine if it has been most of the day.

Absolutely not ok to leave before the meal, speeches and all that nonsense, and to wait until after any evening guests have arrived and they’ve had the evening food/band etc.

But after that it’s fine. Every wedding I have endured has had people with children that need to leave, people on early work shifts, elderly people etc that have left late evening.

I don’t think I’ve stayed later than 11 even when sleeping at the venue, usually had enough by 10 and retire to watch TV.

It's fine to leave after the meal. Guests aren't obliged to stay for ritual dances and all that faff. It's not a West End show.

Barleysugar86 · 07/06/2024 23:50

Definitely rude anytime before the speeches/ meal/ cake cutting has concluded. I have known people leave soon after then because they had a long journey home/ had to work the next day etc and it was fine. If you can make it to after the first dance its best, then everything after that is bonus and you can leave whenever. Most of my older relatives left soon after the first dance. 10pm is a late stay!

Original poster
ToxicChristmas · 07/06/2024 23:51

RitaIncognita · 07/06/2024 23:47

I think that was in the days before weddings in the UK became marathons.

Show quote history

This was kind of where I was with it. This wedding will be over ten hours long. I just don't think I've got that in me currently. I wouldn't leave at any point during the main bits like speeches/first dance etc.

OP posts:
greengreyblue · 07/06/2024 23:53

Not at all op. So long as you thanks the bride and groom and say goodbye. These days the couple often stay to the end which can feel awkward. It used to be that they left them everyone could either leave or party.

Strawberriesaregoingoff · 07/06/2024 23:58

Oh god yes just leave, it's totally different to the 'olden' days. Weddings are bonkers affairs quite honestly

SabreIsMyFave · 08/06/2024 00:01

Strawberriesaregoingoff · 07/06/2024 23:58

Oh god yes just leave, it's totally different to the 'olden' days. Weddings are bonkers affairs quite honestly

Yep!