To not want sex when DC is in the room?

[BlueBlahBlah]

That’s fucked up - isn’t it? I feel like it is at least.

we are on holiday all sharing a room and our 9 yo DC is sleeping in the bed next to ours. Sorry to be crude but my DH started fingering me last night, which presumably he wanted to lead to sex. But our DC was lying asleep like 2 metres away. AIBU to have insisted he stop?

YABU - I see no issue with it and would have let DH carry on

YANBU - No, to carry on would have been all kids of weird

It's grim.

And I have to say it also says things about the man that are questionable.

I think some men get off on the fact that a child is there. It adds a thrill for them.

I used to date one man who had a child. We were in one bedroom and his sons bedroom was right beside ours.

When we were going to get intimate, I would get up to close his sons bedroom door and our bedroom door.

The man would get up and open both doors again, and say that it was fine to leave the doors open..

It was like he wanted the child to hear as he got a thrill out if it.

I left him shortly after that

I had to re-read as thought you meant 9 month old but can’t believe you even let him touch you with 9 year old in room. Glad you put your foot down with sex. Absolutely nooooooooo

We always get air b&b's or a caravan with 2 bedrooms for this reason when staying in the UK. Not taken our child on a holiday abroad yet but when we do I'd like to figure out a way to sleep separately as well.
It's a risk getting air B&B instead of a hotel as you never know how clean it's going to be etc... but this is literally the reason we do that instead of a hotel room for the three of us.

just wanted to say I’m sorry OP I didn’t read your post properly, I can see you told him to stop straight away.

Urm absolutely not!

A NINE-YEAR-OLD?!

No. I mean, really, no.

No way, maybe a young baby but definitely not a 9 year old, gross!

What am I even reading. What’s wrong with you both. Him for trying and you for the fact you even need to ask.

Honestly unbelievable that you'd need to even ask.

It's kinda implied by the fact that she says "DH started fingering me last night, which presumably he wanted to lead to sex".

Doesn't sound mutual to me.

9? NINE YEARS OLD

That IS child abuse. WTF. Surely there are other problems in the relationship because no good husband and father would ever consider this.

I don’t consider it abuse if the child is fast asleep and oblivious, but I wouldn’t risk it in case they woke up.
I wouldn’t be relaxed and wouldn’t feel sexy. It’s a definite no for me.

You seem to be the only one who has taken it that way. How else would you have written what happened?

Does your other half ask permission before he touches you? Presumably the guy didn’t shove fingers in out of the blue and stopped when op told him to.

Jesus, wanting to have sex with a child in the room is a no no but don’t go painting someone a rapist when you know nothing of the details please.

He starts groping your vulva without so much as "are you in the mood" and he does it in front of a child ... bloody hell.

You don't know this, stop making shit up!

Doesn't it seem obvious to you from her wording? "DH started fingering me last night, which presumably he wanted to lead to sex."

Perhaps we ought to let op clarify if her husband sexually assaulted her, before we make stuff up ourselves?

Fine, but it certainly sounds like it to me.

Where did you read the bit that says "I didn't want to, I told him to stop but he carried on".

Where did you read the bit where I said that? I know he stopped. It's doing it without asking I was referring to.

Back to the topic, whatever else there was (or wasn't) to it, doing it in front of a child was wrong.

I think it just sounds a bit crude and therefore you can read it as coercive. If OP had said 'started to initiate sex with our 9 year old in the same room', the focus would be on the fact the 9 year old was there.
That's what the post is about.
Absolutely no way is it reasonable in my opinion, which seems to be what most people think. Thankfully.

This has not been said at all. There is a difference between a grope and a caress and we are not given enough detail to judge either way.

This made me feel a bit sick

Sorry I’ve not been back until now.

Just wanted to clarify that no coercion or abuse towards me was taking place, it was simply my DH putting his hand up my nightdress trying to pleasure me, and me telling him to stop because it’s inappropriate. That’s all there was to it.

Also to add, I know it’s weird, hence why I said it was fucked up.

DC was very much in a deep sleep, and I doubt my DH was expecting a loud and animated sex session, but still I thought it was very messed up for him to initiate something like that with 9 yo DC in the same room. Like others have said, maybe with a baby in the room, but with a 9 yo was obviously a big no from me. I was shocked he would even consider it!

We’ve been on plenty of holidays before with DC in the same room and DH has never tried anything like that before.

DH didn’t sulk or anything afterwards, he just went to sleep and nothing has been said about it today as DC has been with us all day. I’ll reiterate when I get chance that it was entirely inappropriate IMO

Img 🤦‍♀️. How did you get that from the OP?