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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider not going to meet my friend?

36 replies

Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:27

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Saveme · 07/04/2008 09:34

She's being an arse, how hard is it to reply to a text message?

LaidbackinEngland · 07/04/2008 09:35

I have a flaky friend like this .... basically he can't make solid arrangements like me and has,in the past, let me down. He is great fun, hence my perseverance. I also recognise that it's his stuff not mine !However, what I do now, is tell him when I am going to be around in London and then let him contact me. Somehow this helps me feel less let down and it has made him take a bit more responsibility for our friendship.

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:35

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Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:37

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dizzydixies · 07/04/2008 09:37

don't make arrangements around the possibility she might contact you - just act as if its not going to happen and then if it does you can either change plans or tell her she should have sorted it sooner

can she not come and visit you when baby comes?

Saveme · 07/04/2008 09:37

How on earth has this friendship survived since school if she is like this?

horsish · 07/04/2008 09:38

I think you sound very reasonable.

Many people would have written off a friendship such as this.

I think you chould make arrangements that suit YOU the best assuming she WON'T get in touch. If you have not heard by 4.30 go home.

However if she does contact you and you can still accommodate a meet up, go ahead. If you can't accommodate her at short notice that is her loss and perhaps she will learn to be a bit more organised!

Have fun in London either way

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:40

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dizzydixies · 07/04/2008 09:41

you're not exactly a huge trip away

lets put it this way - you're in london on training, pregnant and always the one to make arrangements and visit

sod it, let her come to you for once

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:42

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mazzystar · 07/04/2008 09:43

um, i am always very forgiving of this kind of stuff because i have been known to have a few flake moments myself. doesn't mean i wouldn't be irritated but presumably pleasure of her company would offset the irritation?

i blame mobile phones, in the old days people used to make arrangements and stick with them! [old fart emoticon]

also, some people just don't do the text thing. i would ring her and leave a message.

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:44

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Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:45

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Oblomov · 07/04/2008 09:46

You allow her to bad mouth you, by implying that it is you who doesn't turn up ?

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:48

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needahand · 07/04/2008 09:51

((waves at Chequers))). Hi Chequers, how is it going, how is the pregnancy? Everything well? I am starting to be soo fed up! Can't wait for maternity leave (end of this month) and another (hopefully) 11 weeks for me. I hope you managed to meet up with your friend

PerkinWarbeck · 07/04/2008 09:53

definitely call.
I'm often guilty of receiving text messages, reading them, thinking I'll reply in a sec, and then getting completely distracted by work/dd/MOTD
but if someone calls I'll get my diary then and threre.

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:55

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Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:56

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Miggsie · 07/04/2008 09:58

I had a friend who was like this.
Finally another friend said to me "it sounds like you are a good friend to her but she is a pretty lousy friend to you" so I stopped seeing her.
Then, 2 years later, out of the blue I get a Christmas card where she has hand written her new email address and saying "email me and we'll get back together".
I emailed, did she reply?...no, 5 years on and I'm still waiting!

Original poster
Chequers · 07/04/2008 09:58

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PerkinWarbeck · 07/04/2008 09:59

have a nice time

Twiglett · 07/04/2008 10:02

she thinks she's more important than you

she's being disrespectful and she always has been but you've let her get away with it so far

make the decision whether you're happy to continue letting her get away with it or tell her

the only problem with being let down by a 'friend' is if you feel it's a problem .. you obviously do so find your cojones and do something about it

LaidbackinEngland · 07/04/2008 10:03

Well done Chequers. At some point it might be worth telling her that it makes you feel not valued when she treats you like this - but she sounds like she would find that realy difficult to hear. If she flakes on you later....remember it's probably not personal. These people tend to spread themselves too thin, have poor boundaries, high expectations and high opinions of themselves (on the surface.) Good luck !

MadameCh0let · 07/04/2008 10:06

Glad it's all sorted out!!

I had a similar experience when I was in London for a weekend recently because I have a friend just like this.

I don't know what the answer is, because if I came out and said something like "look, if you are too busy just let me know now and I'll arrange to meet up with Gemma instead" she'd take it as a criticism and back off from me. And I do value her friendship because she is very funny and always good company when you do pin her down.

But at the same time, I have other friends and I value them too, and I was only in London for a few nights!!!

I suppose I can't force people to respect my time and my other friendships.

So, how do you deal with a friend like this?!? What's hte answer or can they not be managed? Is it put up and shut up or lose the friend?