Teenage drinking - WWYD

[krustykittens]

We are part of a group of friends who all had kids around the same time. They are all hitting their teens or a bit older, and one couple are quite relaxed about their underage kids drinking. Not just the odd beer either, but spirits. How they want to parent is up to them but we are about to have BBQ and a big get together and I really do not feel comfortable with these young teens getting drunk at my house. We didn't allow our own kids to drink at a young age and nor do our other friends. Would it be unreasonable to talk to our friends before the party and basically say, "our house, our rules"? The kids who are legal age do drink, just to be clear, so it is not that case that none of the kids in the group drink.

YANBU. How old are these specific kids 🥴?

They are 14 and 16. I really would not feel comfortable giving them a gin and tonic! They have only just started drinking at home, and while I know the other parents don't give their underage kids alcohol, I don't know if they would bend the rules to keep the peace. We have not discussed it - but I have seen their kids drinking at their home when we have visited in the last few months and I got the impression it was quite normal. We have been meeting up either without the kids or at outside venues where the kids would not be served a drink. This is the first get together we have had with the kids at one of our homes in the evening since this started so we are the test case, so to speak. I did allow my own 16 year old to have weak drinks at 16, like Bucks Fizz at Christmas, but nothing strong, like a strong wine, or spirits.

YANBU.
They're entitled to parent how they want with their teens, but you are too.
I have teens and wouldn't be comfortable with that either.
If I was having a party no underage kids would be drinking.
If you don't like that, go home then.

Your house your rules. But please have something they can drink, not just coke. Some alcohol free beer maybe.

Yes, I was thinking of something like that, or bucks fizz - you would have to drink a bath tub of the stuff to get drunk! I am really worried that their parents are going to get upset if we say something and everyone else agrees with them. But I don't want to have a discussion about this with the other parents behind this couple's back either.

God no. Do not give alcohol to underage kids. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs if you even have to let their parents know that before they come!

@sashh just interested. Why do you think young teens need something to drink, other than soft drinks? Is it ok to expect they are hardened drinkers that will be ‘needing’ the taste of alcohol??

No 14 or 16 yo guest drink alcohol in our house.
YANBU.

If they want to be the ‘cool’ parents let them - but I wouldn’t be serving alcohol to children at my house. Nor would I want to handle drunk teens.

Statistics back up that teens who drink alcohol - whether supplied my their naice MC parents or not - are more likely to have alcohol issues later .

You know what? fuck them! They’re grown ups. Do they honestly think that a 14 year old needs to have a beer at a barbecue to enjoy themselves??

What the hell is wrong with them? Are they problem drinkers themselves?

You need to stop worrying about what other people think of you! YANBU not wanting a 14 drinking in your house. A 16 y/o I might give a bit of leeway, but not much. Def not a 14 y/o though.

14 year old no for me but the 16 year old having one or two would be okay in my book. Maybe approach it with the parents as you aren't comfortable with it for the younger one. Do you know its actual alcohol tho we have alcohol free gins in our bar that I would allow DS to try at that age.

The 16 year old id be fine with having a few weaker drinks but not the 14 year old. I wouldn't even bring it up and just not offer them alcohol. If they ask just laugh and say no I can't, leave that for home

I'd set up a drinks station specifically for the kids with lots of different juices and fizz so they can make some mocktails. Add nice glasses/straws/sweets/nibble/ umbrellas - whatever will feel fun for them. Direct the kids there when they arrive to set the expectation.

Perfectly OK to say no alcohol to under 18s in your house. What happens in other people's houses is up to them.

I personally wouldn't have an issue with 14 and 16 year olds having a bottle of beer with food if they specifically asked, but I would not have the expectation that they can drink like the adults.

Personally I just wouldn’t offer it to them when you’re making drinks, unless it’s going to be help yourself situation?

14 year old, no, but the 16 year old I wouldn't have an issue with at all.

The legal age for drinking at home is 5 though, so talking about “underage kids” is just nonsense really.

Oh and a thorough study has shown endorsing early drinking is not like an “innoculation” against problem drinking but the opposite - children encouraged to drink young are more likely to be problem drinkers. I would be livid if my 14 year was given spirits by another parent.

TBH if their parents allow it I don't see how you would stop it, they aren't breaking any laws as its not illegal for them to drink in the home. (or any private residence)

Just because they're allowed a drink at home, doesn't mean there'll be any expectation that they can drink outside of the house, especially not the 14 year old.
I'd say you're probably worrying about nothing and there'll be no expectation for the kids to have alcohol, though I wouldn't have a problem with kids 16+ having a couple of drinks.
The mocktail station is a nice idea.

I would be very clear that I didn’t consent to my 14 year old being go en alcohol by any adult. Might make them think if they are the ones out of step

It’s a private party so legal drinking age doesn’t apply, but I def wouldn’t enough kids to get drunk.

Are the kids’ parents going to be there?
If not then I’d happily tell the 14 year old that they weren’t to drink because you didn’t want to be responsible for them. If their parents are there I’d think you were a nob telling them “my house my rules”.

We allowed our dc to have a drink when they became interested, around 14/15, a small glass of fizz at a birthday party etc but Covid hit soon after and things like friends parties or hanging out in a park drinking just didn’t happen for them.
So they only ever had a drink at home with us for a special occasion.
They both drink moderately and quite sensibly at 19 and 20 - eldest is at uni and goes out to a pub/club about once a fortnight and the 19yo drinks about once a month.