Teenage drinking - WWYD

[krustykittens]

We are part of a group of friends who all had kids around the same time. They are all hitting their teens or a bit older, and one couple are quite relaxed about their underage kids drinking. Not just the odd beer either, but spirits. How they want to parent is up to them but we are about to have BBQ and a big get together and I really do not feel comfortable with these young teens getting drunk at my house. We didn't allow our own kids to drink at a young age and nor do our other friends. Would it be unreasonable to talk to our friends before the party and basically say, "our house, our rules"? The kids who are legal age do drink, just to be clear, so it is not that case that none of the kids in the group drink.

Do you have to serve spirits?

I know a lot of teens feel like they should drink, but don't actually like beer or cider so prefer to drink vodka and coke for example.
And some parents think that getting them used to drinking responsibly at home is important.

I have to say I am on the fence with that. I think it's a good idea but you can go too far and teach them that drinking string drinks at home is normal for teens.

I tried to push my DD toward beer and cider but she wasn't having it and used to swap her 2 cans she took to parties for cheap vodka anyway. So now I give her half a small bottle of a proper brand and lots of coke and teach her how to mix it in the correct proportions...but she only drinks on special occasions.

If I was you OP. i would only provide beer and wine. Make sure you have soda or sparkling water to mix with the wine. When you offer them a drink and ask what they want if the ask for beer or wine you say "just one or two" and give them a wine and soda for example.

Thank you for the replies everyone! Just a quick reply before I update tp @sleepyscientist, yes, the kids do drink spirts at home, the last time we were there, they got hammered on wine and gin, and their mum texted me the next day, laughing about how they tried to get out of going to school because they were hung over!

The BBQ was on Sunday and we set up a mocktail bar (genius idea @TeeBee!) and had beers, ciders, wine and bucks fizz as well as soft drinks set out for the adults. We do have a cupboard in the kitchen where we keep spirits but seeing as the get-together started at lunchtime, I didn't bother getting them out and thought someone can just ask me if they want something stronger. Half an hour after they arrived, 14 year old comes over to DH and asks if he can have a rum and coke! Dh laughed and said, "No chance!" and carried on his conversation. 14 year old then started whining and trying to persuade DH that it was totally OK, because he drinks at home all the time, has been drunk loads of times and is always fine! Eventually, DH convinced him that he wasn't budging and 14 year old wandered off and had an epic sulk all afternoon. His parents just stood there with their fucking beers and didn't utter a word!

There was a bit of a stunned silence from the other adults as they watched but once the kid had wandered off, we all just decided to ignore it all. But tbh, this has put me off socialising with them all again at home. I am not giving a 14 year old spirits!

To everyone pointing out that kids are allowed to drink in a private residence, yes, I understand that. But medical advice is that children should not be given alcohol regularly (or at all before the age of 15) and certainly not to the point of intoxication as it can affect brain development. I did not allow my two to drink at a young age and I can do without the headache of an argument from them if they watch me giving booze to someone else's kid!

It is your house, your rules, but surely consuming alcohol sensibly at home with adults is infinitely preferable to necking a bottle of vodka at the park or getting drink on a sleepover and hiding it from your parents.
Your call.

Oh god I remember my friends mum letting me get pissed on White Russians when I was 14. I spewed all night at her house.

No chance. I bet they are drinkers

Giving them alcohol at home does not mean they will not then drink it in a park with their mates 🙄. It actually makes them more likely to do that because you as the parent figure are endorsing and condoning their drinking. Studies have shown this.

Also wondering this

I’m a personal alcohol license holder & a licencee. It’s so annoying that so many parents let young children drink alcohol at home - the same kids expect it in bars. The adults buy it for them - I can loose my alcohol if this was seen by a licencing officer / the police.

Legally - in the UK, children aged 5 (can you believe it??!!) and older can legally drink alcohol at home or in private premises.

However, the UK's Chief Medical Officers recommend that children don't drink alcohol until they are at least 15 years old. They also advise that children aged 15–18 should only drink small amounts, no more than once a week.

Personally I wouldn’t allow it. Your home, your rules.

I do have to laugh at those on their high horses "ooh if be livid if you give my kid a gin and tonic, but a bottle of beer is fine". Which has more units, a bottle of beer, or a measured, single gin and tonic?

14 is way too young to be drinking - 16 is too but the odd beer maybe is OK. I never let my kids drink spirits. I know when they're out with mates you don't know what they're doing but I always said to them, drink beer/cider etc but please don't drink spirits.

@krustykittens well done you and your DH. Frankly I am a bit shocked at the posters thinking this is ok. Also that they asked to be let off school for a hangover. Man alive. Safeguarding right there. I don’t care whether legally you can give a child alcohol in your own home. I can guarantee you though that letting them drink so much they are intoxicated and hungover is indeed a safeguarding concern. I personally have referred children for similar and it’s taken seriously with input to the family. They are children with developing brains. Alcohol is not good for them.

you wouldn't have any issues with a 16 year old getting really drunk?? 🙄🙄

16 I can get my head around just about.

14 absolutely not.

I say this as someone who like a drink of fizz and a gin.

There will be lots of time for them to drink alcohol when they are older. I don’t understand why people are in such a rush for their kids to do things.

No, I wouldn't. I did at 16. And so did all of my friends and pretty much all of the teens I knew. Not necessarily at home, mind. But they definitely drank.

I'm an adult now, with own house, business, own child and family. A normal, bog-standard adult, believe it or not. Don't drink often nowadays.

My DD is still only 12 (and no, I never gave her any alcohol), but I won't have any issues with her having a couple of G&Ts with a BBQ at 16. 14, no.

So you don't have an older teen then atm? See how you feel when your DD is actually 16. I wasn't talking about about a couple of g&ts - I was saying I don't agree with 16 year olds getting really drunk. My DS is 16 and they aren't all obsessed with under age drinking ar that age - and neither was I at that age and neither was my DD who is now 20. Just cos you got trollied at 16 regularly doesn't mean you'll want your DD behaving like that in 4 years time.