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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For saying no?

91 replies

Sporttty · 06/06/2024 21:28

My parents go away for 2 weeks next week, I have a 2y 8mo and a 2.5 month old who I’m ebf.

My mum has just asked could our eldest child sleep over before they go away

I’ve said no. It’s very kind and nice which I’ve explained but I don’t want to send one kid out and not together just as right now our older child is a bit upset being separated and is noticing a lot when I’m with the baby and getting upset. They’re completely adjusting to life with a new baby sibling.

my mum is now being very short with me and making digs about not being able to baby sit our youngest as I’m breastfeeding

Am I a dickhead for saying no?

OP posts:

yumyumyumy · 12/06/2024 22:07

BIossomtoes · 12/06/2024 22:03

for example she said she’s saving to take both kids to Lapland when they’re old enough. Me and DH expressed gratitude but just explained nicely we would like to do a big trip like that with them , we’d want to take them etc

You could always take them somewhere else. They can have more than one big adventure.

Maybe op doesn't want her children whisked away from her on holiday? It's not unreasonable. We don't get masses of time off and I wouldn't want DS going away without us.

BIossomtoes · 12/06/2024 22:10

Not getting lots of time off is a great reason to let Granny do Lapland - it’s only a day trip anyway. Use the scarce holiday for something like Disney. Why would you want to deprive your child of something nice just because you’re not there?

Original poster

Sporttty · 12/06/2024 22:13

Never said we’d deprive them! We can take them on all these things.

she didn’t ask either she just said she would starts saving For it, it ties into sometimes she over steps a bit.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sporttty · 12/06/2024 22:14

And also yep fine for my kids to stay but going away to a different country without me , I don’t like the sound of

call me paranoid but I don’t want that so I don’t have to allow it because she’s offered

OP posts:

NoThanksymm · 13/06/2024 07:32

Omg. Your mom is being an absolute ass!

of course you’re not letting a 2.5 yo sleep over and cause trauma. And what? If the littlest wasn’t on the boob then they would be kidnapped too???!

ugh. Sounds like a MIL thing, not a mom thing.

Coconutter24 · 13/06/2024 07:42

I would have said yes and made it sound special or exciting, she’ll get loads of one on one attention from grandparents which it sounds like she could do with.
You’re not a dickhead for saying no it’s up to you what you decide for your children

BlueSky109 · 13/06/2024 09:07

I’d have let them go. Let them have a bit of 1:2:1 time with their grandparents and be spoilt.

user1492757084 · 13/06/2024 09:17

Personally, my kids would have loved to have had a one on one break with grandparents for a day.
The problem is not that the toddler is missing you but more that they are missing one on one attention from you.

Your older child might like a break from the baby too.
It seems like the toddler is not 100% happy each day with you and the baby so what's to lose? They might come back cranky but they could be just as cranky staying home.

Original poster

Sporttty · 13/06/2024 09:37

user1492757084 · 13/06/2024 09:17

what do you mean my toddler isn’t 100% happy each day with me and the baby?

OP posts:

ABirdsEyeView · 13/06/2024 10:50

I think that grandparents who truly want to help, don't get sulky - they support the mother.

The OP's instincts are absolutely spot on - her child needs her and OP wants to be with her toddler. She doesn't have to justify it or force herself to do something she's not comfortable with, just because someone else wants it!

DoughBallss · 13/06/2024 11:12

Not unreasonable at all.

I have a 4 yo and 1 yo so DD was 3 when son was born, she’s always loved school but started crying every morning at one point. Took a couple of weeks but I realised that she’d figured it was just me and baby at home together, so I started telling a little white lie that baby was going to childminder and I was back at work…straight away she started being excited for school again.

We do what’s best to protect their little hearts - new sibling is already a lot for them

HarpieDuJour · 13/06/2024 11:33

It doesn't matter what anyone else would have done/has done/thinks you should have done. You are the parents here, and you made a decision. Your mother should respect that decision, even if she doesn't like it.

Diddlyumptious · 13/06/2024 18:26

Sadly your child sees it as a punishment, which we know isn't, so you're doing the right thing. Jealousy will eventually stop but for know you're doing what's right
You've got this

LLoo23 · 14/06/2024 14:09

If she’s nearly 3 could you ask your eldest DD? It could go either way - she might take it as being separated from you or she might see it as a special treat just for her. I’d ask her and see what she thinks?

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 14/06/2024 15:36

There's always going to be things that one child gets to do without the other.
If the youngest is feeling a little insecure it would be a great opportunity to make her feel special by having some one on one time with granny gives you a bit of a breather and builds the youngest confidence back up.
Really can't see the problem she could go for the day but not sleep build up to that

SandandSky · 14/06/2024 18:58

My oldest DC was 2y 10 months when our second child was born.

honestly, they had quite a few days away with Granny and Grandpa in the first year, which wasn’t usual before their sibling was born. DC bloody loved having some time being the centre of attention and being made a fuss of by grandparents.

maybe now isn’t the right time but I wouldn’t discount it at all, your DC might actually appreciate the break

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