For saying no?

[Sporttty]

My parents go away for 2 weeks next week, I have a 2y 8mo and a 2.5 month old who I’m ebf.

My mum has just asked could our eldest child sleep over before they go away

I’ve said no. It’s very kind and nice which I’ve explained but I don’t want to send one kid out and not together just as right now our older child is a bit upset being separated and is noticing a lot when I’m with the baby and getting upset. They’re completely adjusting to life with a new baby sibling.

my mum is now being very short with me and making digs about not being able to baby sit our youngest as I’m breastfeeding

Am I a dickhead for saying no?

Might be good for the elder child to have some attention soley on them.

@Sporttty maybe your mum will struggle with 2 children in a year or so. It's hard work x2 when you're older. You need to spin in a different way and make it sound like a treat for her, and for you! You can have a lazy morning with the baby! Make the most of it!

My oldest would have loved this. My youngest at 3 still doesn’t go for sleepovers because she wakes up hysterically screaming for me. Crucially you are her mother and you don’t think it’s right and your mum isn’t respectful of that.

Dont burn your bridges though! In a few years you’ll be desperate to ship them both off to Granny for the weekend

Express milk for a 3 year to feed the baby with eh why, 3 year olds are by nature clumsy and un sure of themselves and to let them feed a live baby???

your decision and I wouldn’t be happy about my mum basically taking the huff over it either and she’d be told that.

Allow your child the opportunity to be spoilt with some attention.

I remember feeling really special when I went to stay with my grandparents in a very similar situation 40 years ago. They heaped me with attention, which I was of course having to share at home with a baby sister. All children are different though.

Definitely ask your eldest. They might love it and their world is pretty small and self centred at that age.

Just because she is jealous when you are there doesn’t mean she’ll think anything of it when you aren’t.

I had my niece at 5m with nephew at 3y for a sleepover. I had to pass 5m over in the night as she was teething and wouldn’t settle with me.

Mum was so worried that nephew would be distraught and worried in the morning that his sister wasn’t there.

Honestly… he didn’t even ask! Didn’t even notice!! We just had tons of fun and he didn’t realise!.

This!

You could ask your daughter but at that age she may not fully understand. I’d feel the same, she’s feeling unsettled so you don’t want her feeling pushed out. Your child your decision, your mum will get over it at some point.

My LB (2.5 yrs) had to stay with my mum as I was going for an MRI and the time of the appointment (3 hr journey) would have made it hard to do a daytrip. I took the baby as I was also BFing and my OH had to come to look after the baby whilst I was in the MRI. I was worried about the eldest feeling left out but we framed it as a fun thing he was doing, not that he was missing out on something and he had a fab time. It's fine to say no though and very unreasonable if your Mum is funny with you about it.

These comments are insane.

My eldest was the same and I couldn't stand sending him away, it felt like the wrong thing to do. He's never slept at anyone's house though so it is slightly different for me. We were still very much in the thick of it at 2.5 months.

Yes, you could have asked your child but if they're anything like mine they say yes then change their mind.

Your child, your rules.

why don’t you just ask your oldest if she wants to go for a sleepover?

Well said!! Absolutely this.

Why don't you ask your eldest if they want to go?? And take it from there!

You have every right to decide whatever you wish to, although I will say I used to love staying at my grandparents as the eldest of 3 it was the only time I got treated like the centre of the universe for a weekend it was brilliant 😁

No one is right it wrong here. I'll just add my thoughts.

1 night where your toddler is 100% the centre of attention from grandparents. They can stay over because they're BIG and the baby's too little to be able to go and have this fun. It could be just what they need, to have something that's just for them where the baby isn't involved.

You should ask DD what she would like to do, it might be nice for her to go somewhere and be the centre of attention without having to share with a baby.

I think you’ve looked at this wrong I don’t think your child would see this as being left out I think they’d find this exciting getting grandparents to themselves and how fun it would be. If your on edge you could always be on standby if she did have a wobble but I dnt think that would happen. I’d be grateful for the help and see it as you can actually have the time with your baby without feeling guilty of how much time you are spending with them :)

Could your Mum just take your eldest out for a couple of hours instead as a special treat? If you are not comfortable with them going overnight?

If op said no that's fine, I don't see the big deal. She's the parent and decides. The toddler isn't going to be scarred for life. I'm sure toddler will see plenty of gps in the future!

Why doesn’t your mother understand? I am baffled.

Hi I forgot to update :)

I have taken all tips on board thank you and opinions on board too!

the burning question, yes I did ask her the next day! She said yes … then said no after when she asked if her aunty is staying too I said she won’t be (her aunty lives in a different city and isn’t visiting)

So maybe when my sister visits next she can have a sleepover lol!

it wasn’t a never. Just right now I don’t want her feeling pushed out. Or going to grandparents and thinking that’s the only place she’ll get attention. I give every ounce I can to her❤️ I just have to try and split myself in 2 now :( but she is doing so well we’re so very proud

re bottle feeding, will be happening eventually! So that we can have 1-2-1 time with our eldest , so I don’t know when I could start working on it soon x

And regarding my mum. Yep she was out of line for her response to me saying no.

She can overstep a bit , it’s out of love but it can grate a bit.

for example she said she’s saving to take both kids to Lapland when they’re old enough. Me and DH expressed gratitude but just explained nicely we would like to do a big trip like that with them , we’d want to take them etc

she didn’t like that either and did the Same reaction , snappy comments and quite off with us about it.

don’t get me wrong very grateful We have grandparents that want to be involved ! Just sometimes she is a bit overbearing , she even called our eldest her baby one time and I had to correct her swiftly

so her reaction isn’t out of the ordinary for her. She was like that growing up, her way or she was annoyed with everyone and everything.

I completely get this. My eldest is 2years 6 months and baby 6 months. It’s two boys. It took a long time for the eldest to accept the baby. We saw grandparents semi frequently and he’s want to leave the baby with them so he could have 1-1 time with us. He now likes his baby brother but we do still have adjustment issues. I’m on maternity leave but we still send the eldest to nursery, he absolutely hates leaving the house, wants to stay with me etc (he has a great time there and come homes telling me all about it) but he struggles with ‘being sent away when mummy is still at home giving the baby all the attention’ you’re not being unreasonable refusing to send your eldest to grandparents, but maybe ask her what she wants to do.

for example she said she’s saving to take both kids to Lapland when they’re old enough. Me and DH expressed gratitude but just explained nicely we would like to do a big trip like that with them , we’d want to take them etc

You could always take them somewhere else. They can have more than one big adventure.