16 year old terrible eating habits and rapid weight gain

[worriedmumofteenagegirl]

My daughter is in the middle of her GCSEs. Since revision has started, her eating habits have been quite out of control. She's not had any history of mental health issues or eating disorders.
She was at risk of this happening during lockdown too (eating tonnes of snacks) but she was younger and I was more in control of her meals and she couldn't go to the shop by herself etc. She has never been a skinny girl, but not overweight either. Since about March, she's put on 2 stone.

Until this point, I have never commented on her tenancy to over eat. But today I had to say something. I picked her up after her exam and she had bought herself strawberry laces and an ice cream. I also saw in her bag a packet of 5 iced buns. I asked her who they were for and she said they were for her but she would have them over the next few days.

I've just been into her room and she's eaten the lot of them, on top of the strawberry laces and ice cream. She's also had breakfast, lunch and dinner.
This is happening ALOT. I can only describe it as binge eating. She's definitely not being sick (being sick is a massive phobia of hers).

I did comment today and said I'm quite worried by her unhealthy eating as it is not healthy to eat 5 iced buns. She said she only eats badly on school days (this isn't true). At the weekend she'd been to M&S when in town and bought a box of 10 mini rolls and ate the lot, plus a McDonald's. I did not mention weight at all, only health.

My daughter enjoys make up, clothes and looking nice. She is gaining SO much weight and will soon lose all her confidence. She's 12 stone and 5ft 2 (I know because she has a health condition and is weighed and measured at clinic every 3 months). She is already quite overweight.

When I spoke to her today about her unhealthy eating, she said 'are you trying to fat shame me?'.

How do I approach this? I obviously don't want to give her an eating disorder but also I don't want her to be 15 stone by the end of the year which is where this is heading.

We are a family of fairly normal eaters, no diet talk. Always try to get our fruit and veg in. I think we've modelled healthy eating with treats in moderation. Nothing has ever been banned or labelled bad food.

As soon as she's had a bit of her own money and freedom, this has started.

AIBU to have mentioned it to her? How should I approach this? I can't take her bank cards or stop her heading to the shop by herself and she tries to do alot of this (un)subtly

Sounds like she's troubled. Maybe comfort eating.

Could her medical condition and regular weigh ins be something to do with this over-eating?

Of course you talk to her about it in the same way as if she was harming herself with any other substance.

If she mentions fat shaming the obvious answer to me is, ‘no, I am your mum and I love you so I want you to be happy and healthy.’

Eating disorders are absolutely rife and can develop very quickly so I think turning a blind eye is not the right course of action.

I hope you manage to negotiate this tricky situation successfully.

Could she have pcos? I was similar at that age, I was depressed and craved sugar. It wasnt until I left home and registered at a new GP at 18 that they picked up my pcos, and that enabled me to learn about low GI eating.

At 16 she knows eating too much is bad, she knows the right things to eat, she knows she has put on weight. I would say provide nutritionally balanced family meals and be there for if/when she decides to try to do something about it.

Are the people who mentor her weight for he health condition likely to ask about the weight gain and explain the dangers?

It could be the exam stress which is contributing to this as she always has a tendency to over eat.

I don't think she's ever been told her height and weight at her medical appointments and she never reads the letters after. She's never been interested.

Thank you, I will try. We are always warned about not giving girls eating disorders but this is just as concerning.

Could she have ADHD/ASD? , I eat similarly and have a food addiction, the emetophobia is also a red flag ( I have that too, sigh). Food is an obsession and I get very anxious if I can't eat

Yanbu my son was the same, he’s 16 and in the last 6 months he’d have a box of Jaffa cakes in less than an hour, share bags of everything. He’s very slim but the amount he’s eating I had to mention diabetes and possible sudden weight gain (He hasn’t gained any to what I can see but he eats brioches and drinks crappy drinks). He also said I was fat shaming him but I just did my rolly eyes, stop putting labels on things, I’m your mother and your granny has diabetes and you do not want what she goes through. I haven’t got through to him but I will keep going. Best of luck op, it’s so hard

Honestly, I would wait and see if she calms down after her exams. Sounds like she's stressed and comfort eating.

They didn't say a word. It feels like they're always worried about eating disorders if they say anything.

So do you think I should just let her work it out for herself? This is what I've done to date.

Honestly she’s in the middle of her gcse’s I’d leave it for now but just make sure she’s eating decent sized protein rich main meals

I’d wait until after her exams are finished (probably only another week or so?) - don’t talk about it until then (you don’t want to derail her while she is obviously trying to cope with a very stressful situation) - then work out what to do. Maybe try and encourage some healthy activities / exercise etc when she has lots of time on her hands after the exams?

Sounds like classic comfort eating to cope with exam stress. Unfortunately, making a big deal out of it will make her more stressed and then she’ll eat even more. She’s young, so the weight will come off relatively easily. Maybe just monitor her intake from a distance until exams are over, and in the meantime try to make sure healthy snacks are more easily accessible than unhealthy ones. Ultimately, she’s a young adult and you can’t really stop her and going on about it is likely to make it worse.

That's about 1200 calories extra per day to gain that much. Don't buy unhealthy snacks.

Well I think now is definitely not the right time during GCSEs. The fact that you have already tried and she has pulled the 'fat shaming' card suggests she won't be receptive to any sensible conversation about this at the moment.

I can see why you are worried. That’s a huge amount of weight to put on and for only 5 foot 2 to be 12 stone now.
I was thinking bulimia until you said it wasn’t that. Does she do many active things or walk to school etc? Is she eating out of boredom? Being bullied?!

Yes 12 stone is quite a lot at her height.
I am 5ft 2 too, 11 stone and I’m overweight. At her age I was about 7/8 stone I think and wasn’t more than ten stone until my 30s.

When I spoke to her today about her unhealthy eating, she said 'are you trying to fat shame me

I think you’ve did the right thing by keeping it focused on healthy eating rather than pointing out her weight gain. Just stick to that and be clear she mentioned weight not you. I agree with others to wait a week or so though until she’s completed her exams.

If she’s not into sport or the gym a focus on encouraging regular walks and healthy eating might be good.

And yeah it sounds like binge eating disorder which I’ve struggled with off and on since childhood despite being fairly slim until recently. Looking back I believe mine was triggered by emotional problems related to having divorced parents / an absent dad.

I don't, she's buying all this junk herself with money from her job.

Thanks so much all, will read and reply

I put in her details (with birthday as 1 September 2007), and she would have already been overweight at 10 stone (93rd centile). 12 stone is the 99th centile, she is very overweight.

I would take her to see her GP, it sounds like an eating disorder.

I would not say anything whilst on te midst of exams, but I would really try and up protein on meals to kill her appetite.

Although it does sound like a classic case of stress eating due to exams, what often gets overlooked is the fact that junk food itself is addictive. So she doesn't have to have a mental disorder or be being bullied etc. to get into a bad cycle with it. Once anyone starts eating a lot of sugar and UPF they will crave more and more of it.

I agree with lots of the advice already given here OP. You have done the right thing to emphasise health vs. weight gain itself. Now I would leave it whilst she is finishing her exams, but be sure to provide healthy balanced main meals and snacks at home. Then try talking to her again once exams are over.

Have you / she seen the film Fed Up? It's a really good documentary about junk food, how forcefully it is marketed to us, and how it affects our bodies. I thought it was really helpful in depersonalising food issues (not really the point of it, but it does do that because of its focus on what I have described). I wonder if she would be interested to see it, although realise the idea might not go down well if she is sensitive to the subject.

This is disordered eating. Parents have always been taught to focus on restrictive EDs as they're more inmediately lethal but this is a huge problem too.

Sounds like she's stress/comfort eating. Does she exercise? Do you? What is your own relationship with food like? Sounds like she could do with some therapy tbh. I have treated many women and girls who eat like this and it is totally fixable. If you dont have access to that I would have some non judgemental conversations about healthy coping mechanisms (exercise, self care etc), theres a lot of self help stuff out there too. Focus on the food being an unhealthy coping mechanism not the weight. She can have her treats its about why shes eating them and how much.

She's stressed.

What exercise does she like doing? Do you have a dog?

If she is going to do A levels or any more exams then it would help if she could use another form of stress relief.

I’d leave it till the exams are over… only a couple more weeks, and then start to get healthy in the summer holidays.

Someone further up mentioned ASD. My son has an ASD diagnosis & is also like this. As well as healthy home cooked meals he goes out, buys & eats a huge amount of crap. He refuses point blank to do any exercise of any description or discuss anything in fact.He wears 3xxxl clothes at 20yrs old
It breaks my heart to see the size of him.
Would also welcome any advice