To not want to do today

[dontwannadotoday]

I have my children with me.

God that’s such a horrible comment … They are actually lovely kids but both of them together are a nightmare. One is three and a half and one is 11 months. Individually they aren’t hard. Together … my god. The baby clings to me. I am a human climbing frame. If I stay still for a moment she starts grabbing me and trying to climb. Prising her off isn’t easy.

They won’t leave one another alone. 3 year old is in the baby’s face all the time which knocks her off balance as she’s trying to stand and cruise using furniture, she grabs at his face and hair which makes him whinge but he won’t actually stop getting in her face. She touches one of his toys and it’s outrage.

The baby is really fighting her afternoon nap. You can get her down but it takes a good ten minutes and even with TV downstairs the 3 year old follows me ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ so she doesn’t nap. By the end of the day she’s horrendously grumpy, the 3 year old is manic and playing up as has been ignored and I hate it all.

ugh. I feel awful as they are lovely. But not together.

Can you go out somewhere for the day? I used to find days in the house so much harder. Would the younger one nap in the car on a journey back from somewhere and the. You could transfer her inside?

I also used to make a little timetable in my head with activities in the house and give up on any expectation of being productive with chores etc.

it’s so hard when they’re little.

It sounds like you need a plan of what you are doing with them for the full day. They need stimulation, play, games, attention from you.

what are their activities for the day? What does your day look like? If you do not leave the house, it will be worse.

That sounds tough Is the 3 year old in nursery at all ? What are your plans for today can you take them out early so it doesn't escalate.

DS goes to nursery three days a week but I have them both Tuesdays and Thursdays. I hate those days. There are loads of groups and activities on first thing but then the rest of the day drags 😫

I had two kids with a 14 month gap and would often just drive to give them both a nap in the car (sorry planet)

Can your 3yr old be left in a room with a baby gate for 10 mins while you get the baby to nap?

I don’t want the three year old to nap though - that’s the problem! As then bedtime takes hours. So I have to find somewhere far enough away for the baby to sleep but not so far away the three year old will nap!

Ah ok are you at groups this morning when is the nap due can she have it in the car and you can have your son upfront with you and you can watch some cartoons or something go park up somewhere

Are they up yet ? Are you just grabbing some peace before the madness begins.

She needs two naps a day. One will probably be on the way back from the group. Ideally then I’d get her down for the afternoon one and do something nice with DS but he won’t stop following me 😫 so getting her to sleep is always nearly impossible. Car naps are short - too short, so she’s grumpy and overtired at the end of the day and very very demanding which then has a knock on effect on DS as he gets ignored so starts playing up.

Individually they’re lovely. Together they exhaust me.

It’s so hard at that age. It will get easier though. Good luck with today. xx

What about going for a walk in the afternoon with baby in the buggy and 3 yr old walking or scootering? Will baby drop off in the buggy?

On other days, do you have a relative or friend who can come round for a cuppa and watch 3yr old while you put baby down for her nap?

My friend used to lay down with all hers on the bed. Could you do this with yours? Could you read the 3 year old a story and little one nod off? Maybe a story that involves creeping about…which you could both do at the end.
I remember the ‘being climbed on’ days, not with fondness. They will pass.

This is what I used to do stick.a dvd on for dc1.and dc2 would nap.

She used to sleep in the pram but no chance now 😅 too nosey.

She wouldn’t sleep on the bed if I was reading a story and I doubt my three year old would stay still either! It isn’t forever but it’s tough at the moment. When dd was tiny there were other challenges but naps just happened very much as and when. Now she’s on two naps but if something goes awry with one of them it has a knock on effect on everything else, and it is nearly always the case on a day I have them both.

Ah OP these days are SO hard. I just wanted to say things will start to get so much easier within a few months. Mine are 19 months apart and I found things started to improve once baby was walking. They're now 3 and 4 and it's actually now easier when they're together as they keep each other entertained.

Can you take them to a soft play with a baby section, or maybe go for a walk with baby in pram to give you a break from being climbed on? You've got this!

Probably get judged for this on but when mine were these ages I use to go to the McDonald's drive through in the next town over on particularly bad days. 20 minutes there would get baby at sleep, then toddler would sit in the car eating happy meal in the carpark, then we'd drive back. Baby would get an hours sleep and toddler was contained in car seat.

I'd work on fixing the 3 year old following you - once he's better at following instructions / doing as you've asked, life becomes so much easier all round.

This is not going to be easy and is likely to involve one epic battle day - but hopefully that will reset the behaviour.

sit down and explain how important it is and that if he leaves you alone you will get to do xyz but if he interrupts then we can't. The carrot.

You also need to give him a "stick" I'm afraid - so a more immediate consequence every time he comes to find you. I'd treat it like bedtime, go grey rock and return him back to the TV every time. "It's quiet time now" and keep doing that until he gives up / realises there's no point coming out.

Like I say, probably won't work immediately and you'll miss babies nap that day, but hopefully the next day will be smoother

Ah @FusionChefGeoff this is where individually he’s great. With the baby he isn’t so great. Yes, ideally he’d follow instructions promptly and respectfully but … that’s not realistic for most three year olds and even if it was there will be times where misunderstandings happen or my fail safe strict approach fails. Because that’s life: no child is 100% compliant all the time.

We will get through, I just dread it a bit. And I’ve got one more full year of it before the eldest starts school 😫

@dontwannadotoday What happens if you give him an incentive to stay downstairs? I tell my DD I’ll play playdoh / crafts / dolls etc when I come down once the baby is asleep if she doesn’t interrupt us.

I don’t think he’s following me to be purposefully disobedient. It’s more he’s three and twenty minutes feels like hours and he gets a bit confused and probably nervous. So incentives and sticks wouldn’t work.

Fair dos - wasn't sure how far along the gentle parenting scale you were

How about the baby monitor on in the Tv room so he can see / hear you upstairs??

3 year olds have Fomo of course she won't stop following you about 😂 do you give her little jobs to do,.does she like to help

I think sometimes just having a moan and people agreeing with you that's it's a bit shit helps to be honest.

It is shit sometimes op, I often dread weekends where I'm on my own with my 2 and 5 year old. It's hard!!

Your 3 year old is a he sorry.

What if you take the 3yo up with you with a quiet toy, ( or even a tablet and headphones?)