To not want to do today

[dontwannadotoday]

I have my children with me.

God that’s such a horrible comment … They are actually lovely kids but both of them together are a nightmare. One is three and a half and one is 11 months. Individually they aren’t hard. Together … my god. The baby clings to me. I am a human climbing frame. If I stay still for a moment she starts grabbing me and trying to climb. Prising her off isn’t easy.

They won’t leave one another alone. 3 year old is in the baby’s face all the time which knocks her off balance as she’s trying to stand and cruise using furniture, she grabs at his face and hair which makes him whinge but he won’t actually stop getting in her face. She touches one of his toys and it’s outrage.

The baby is really fighting her afternoon nap. You can get her down but it takes a good ten minutes and even with TV downstairs the 3 year old follows me ‘mummy, mummy, mummy’ so she doesn’t nap. By the end of the day she’s horrendously grumpy, the 3 year old is manic and playing up as has been ignored and I hate it all.

ugh. I feel awful as they are lovely. But not together.

We don’t actually have a baby monitor but even if we did I’m not sure what difference it would make. It is just a moan: I’m not expecting magic solutions but the baby is nearly one, she won’t sleep with a tablet blaring and the three year old would be ‘mummy mummy mummy’ all the way through anyway.

I am back to work in a couple of weeks and I’m conscious that my life will be these two horrible days then three days in a job I also don’t like (I’m such a ray of sunshine!)

It will get better …

I never put my babies down to nap unless they were actually tired...
I don't go to bed at set times. I can't sleep unless I am tired. So I never expected my children to be on a timer. Some days I'm more active and need more sleep. Other days I stay up late.
You learn to spot the signs. When they need to be settled and when they aren't ready for sleep. And those times when you do have to keep them awake just a bit longer or bedtime will be a nightmare.
I also never let them nap in the cot - that was for night time sleep only. They slept in the travel cot (used as a play pen) or the pushchair. DS would sometimes climb in his pushchair by himself and go to sleep!!!
My point is stop being so regimented with naps. Go with the flow a bit more. As long as they aren't staying up all night and sleeping all day (they will when they are teenagers...)
The days are long but the years are short.

Full time nursery and increase your hours at work OP.

You’re an adult @onlyjustme Babies are a bit different.

Working full time is definitely not the solution: my job is horrible. It will come right.

And no one is being regimented with naps. It’s not like we get to 13:06 and DD has to nap. The issue is at the moment we are a way off putting her in a cot and leaving her to it. We will get there but not any time soon - so at the moment naps are hard work and like a lot of babies the more tired she gets the harder it is for her to sleep. Acknowledging that if she wakes at 6 she’ll need a nap around 9 is no more regimented than having lunch at around midday is.

How was your day are they in bed?

They are, thank you. DDs naps went haywire but we survived, just.

I do feel guilty though, I feel like I should be enjoying them rather than tolerating them and I do when I have them one at a time!

YES OP. I have a nearly 5 year old and a 1 year old and OMG when I have just 1 of them I barely feel like I’m parenting, they’re a delight. Together they’re an absolute nightmare - fighting over toys, jealous, both wanting my attention, laughter and games that turns to tears, trying to snatch each others food, ‘they got more than me’, the oldest waking the youngest from his nap and complaining about his nappy changes (‘it stinks mummy’). Totally understand how you feel. No amount of ‘helpful’ advice about ‘just distract one while you deal with the other’ will cut the mustard, I think we just have to ride it out.

Honestly I think what you are feeling is normal most parents with young kids just wing it and get through the day.

OMG yes. The waking from naps - whhhhy. I can give you so much more one to one when she’s asleep but no, you have to wake her up. And then she’s grumpy and clingy so you don’t get a look in …

Sometimes think I should have stayed at one but I love them both so … just need a nanny to take one while I have the other.