WWYD if you recieved an anonymous message about the guy you are dating?

[trekking1]

The message is from the person who used to date him who claims he infected her with an STD and I should be careful. Do I tell him about this message?

I’d book an sti test personally.

Are you using condoms?

This (if you've already slept with him).

I should have clarified, I'm not sleeping with him, we have just been on two dates

He's just going to deny it obviously isn't he, I would just take it as truth and a major red flag.

You should both have STI tests before having sex/unprotected sex.

Get tested both of you.

STI’s are common and nothing to be ashamed of but if left untreated can have devastating effects on your health.

The only reason why STI’s spread so easily is because of the secrecy and shame.

Yep, take it as a truth & get tested. What harm can it do? Will give you reassurance anyway.

After that have a convo with him. He might have dormant herpes or warts? You might not notice this so testing and discussions with the medics and him is key.

In my opinion, testing is a good idea when any new relationship starts. There’s a “lot of it about” across all age groups.

Good luck.

Then tell him you will need him to have an sti test before anything happens

he could have infected her.. its not unusual in this day and age but you have to wonder why this person has felt the need to message you and tell you this. You've only had 2 dates and thus far have not slept together... she's either being super nice and wants to protect you, or she's being a nasty vidictive pig and trying to split you up.

is this person in your social circle? how do they know you are dating this guy, 2 dates is no where near 'relationship' status.

i suspect there may be a back story to this, but as everyone has said, ofcourse he will deny it, and the only way to be sure you gon't get given anything is for you both to be tested prior to sexy time.

If you ask him about her he'll probably tell you she's crazy. Personally I would listen to any woman who told me something about the guy I was seeing

Or she could of given it to him

the main thing is you both get tested if it was before your relationship then it’s not an issue

if it’s chylimidia (can’t spell ) that can hang about undetected for years

definitely tell him for peace of no you can’t get a message like that and not test

I'd believe it - we're conditioned to think women are crazy/jealous etc, when really we are far more humane in relationships IME. It's the kind of thing that can affect fertility and women know the importance. Men just sex.

@Fatotter she hasn’t even slept with him.

I’d take it with a pinch of salt OP, but also don’t have unprotected sex until you’ve both been tested.

How would anyone know you were dating this guy after two dates?

I had a succession of messages from a woman I now know to be my exes ex or a woman scored at least saying all sorts. It broke us up. I should have spoken to him before believing them so I think you should talk to him about it.

@Pompleandprim

Not sure why you felt the need to comment on my reply?

Did you read my post?

I said get tested before having sex on my thread.

You've basically said the exact same as I have!

In that case, I would just exit the situation.

To counter, I told my exes ex that he had cheated on her because she was still messaging him saying he was her "rock" and he was laughing at her with his friends - she was literally the last to know and his whole family had lied to her for years. She wrote me a lovely email thanking me for the honesty as she knew something wasn't right and it finally put to bed her thinking they might try again, which he kept pretending was a possibility. She always thought she had done something wrong and she was very grateful. We chat about once a year or so still.

I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Ignore it. She’s obviously vexed and childish.

So because a random sends an anonymous message, that makes it true?

Well, he COULD have had an STI in the past and been treated for it, so now technically doesn't have said STI anymore..... I'm not sure what the protocol is.... does one have to declare all and every previous STI's they may have had in the past, but no longer have, as its been treated and cleared??

I get it - if he actively still has an STI and doesn't tell the OP, that is wrong... but do you need to declare priors? What are the motives for this ex telling you?

Condoms are just safer sex and don't much protect from herpes which may not show on a check up if somebody is not having an attack at the time. Anyway I'd conclude he likely either had a mad ex or had carelessly infected somebody or some combination of the two. I wonder how she got your details after two dates. I'd tell him in case it's true and he's not aware and it is something that needs treatment. It is odd that she didn't specify what it was like chlamydia or warts or herpes or whatever if she really wanted to save you. My son did have a crazily jealous ex years ago and there wasn't much she wouldn't stoop to do to ruin his life at the time. I'd only proceed with extreme caution. My son was lucky enough that his new partner (no, they didnt overlap) stood by him through the whole unpleasant and frankly terrifying behaviour she exhibited.

What did she claim and how do you know if it is was a lie?

I wouldn’t reply to the message, but I definitely would get an STI test (both of you!) before engaging in unprotected sexual relations.

So? Anyone can have an STI and not know about it. Speak to him, get a test. Better still, use protection.
I would be more concerned about the motivations of the ex than the fact that your new passion may still have STI.
We should stop stigmatising STIs, that’s what stops people from seeking treatment. I have herpes and my partner is fully aware, I had it for 20 years and am on daily anti-virals. I know the guy who gave it to me but he was asymptomatic and didn’t have a clue he was a carrier. Should I have been contacting his girlfriends for the past 20 years? Grow up