WIBU to make y7 DD to revise in half term AND help her?

[ArseholeCatIsABlackAndWhiteCat]

DD has a lot of end of year tests coming up. Yes , she is only Y7 but she's the type of kid that is lazyish but also gets upset if she doesn't do well, and there is no way she will do well without any revision bar 2/3 subjects.

I kept a couple of days free over half term for this and also helped her make revision cards, showed her how to do them,to summarise etc.

Two friends told me I was unreasonable (not in those exact words) for making her work and revise , as it's only y7 it doesn't matter,she should chill,relax and have fun. They asked if I could meet up and I said I was busy, they asked with what and that's how it came about. One of the replies was actually "oh,fuck that".

Another friend (more of an acquaintance) asked me for help as our daughters were talking about revision and I sent her the links the school provided. Then she asked for the cards to see exactly what we are doing. I showed her and then she got a bit snarky and snippy as they were too good for DD to have done herself. I said I obviously helped as she had no idea how to do them (first year she ever needed it, as SATS revision was completely different) and I didn't think it was fair to let her get on with it with no guidance. She got even snippier and said she doesn't have the time to do it and it's unfair and it should be the children's work not parents'. I mean, if it's all that independent why didn't she just get her DD to ask mine for notes and advice?

I let it all go and just internally rolled my eyes, however I got a message today from one of these people asking if "all that hard work was worth it yet" with laughing emojis. I just replied tests haven't started yet.

One lesson definitely learned, keep my mouth shut.

However WIBU on both counts? Either?

This was my thinking to be honest. Looking at long term. I also realised it would've been handy to make notes/cards when she had the end of unit tests as she would've had most of the information down for now, so that's what she should try and do next year.

Good for you. My son is in year 7 and I teach. An hour a day over the holidays is perfectly reasonable and helping them with study skills and organisation is really sensible.

Obviously things need to be proportionate, but learning for example:
. how to make notes cards (what is important, level of detail)
. whether mind maps work for you, and how to make them
. how to use your revision notes for self testing in an active way
. that maths needs to be done by practice
. how to keep coming back to a topic to deep learn it
will be skills that are very useful come y10/y11.

Revision techniques have to be taught and learnt - its not innate knowledge. So I don't think you were unreasonable to share what worked for you in that respect but I also think two days of it to the extent you had no time to meet up with friends was excessive. Also what worked for you won't necessarily work for your daughter.

My daughter is doing her A Levels. Her revision technique is hugely different to mine and hers wouldn't have worked for me.

I talked through revision techniques and modelled a few when she was in year 7/8 but I wouldn't have sat and revised with her. And I can't see how I would have made two days of it tbh.

What a weird bunch of people. Sounds like them projecting their shortcomings onto you, especially as they asked for help.

Helping your child is what you do, and setting good habits early can’t be a bad thing. Now she knows how to do it, an hour or so a day will be fine. There are plenty more hours in the day to fill doing fun stuff.

You're doing the right thing because you're setting your child up to succeed. They will have the confidence and strong study skills that will last them a lifetime.

Sounds like your friends are anti-education. They'll be the type to complain about their lot in life even though they were too lazy to study or get a good career, and then they resent anybody who does.

Your child will be getting the good grades, and then their child won't, and their parents will be blaming everything else for it.

I agree with this.

But the OP says she wasn't able to meet up with friends over the two days which does feel a little excessive.

I've always done the same with DD, I used to teach science and so taught her how to revise. I am a big fan of flipped learning and DD has autism so pre-learning is really useful. It means she learns the content before it's taught at home - that gets some odd comments from other people "what's the point?", "doesn't she get bored in class?" no she doesn't because she is better able to apply the knowledge and ask deep-diving questions, or clarify any misconceptions, she finds the loud school environment challenging so retains more learning it in the stress free environment at home but she also gets top marks and enjoys doing it.

She's now in year 9, starts her GCSE course in September, has already contacted teachers to find out the exam board, downloaded the specifications, and past papers and made herself a spreadsheet for subjects and revision methods she's going to use. Has already started using YouTube to make revision resources for science, maths and computer science. All off her own back with no prompting from me.

The other parents probably just feel inadequate as they can't get their children to revise. They down play the importance of it but then probably moan or complain about the school and teachers not being good enough when their children don't perform well. You cannot expect a child to remember information from 9 months ago and in general children like to do well. You can buy purpose made flashcards so making them for DD is no bother really providing she didn't have to take them in as an example of her work.

Going forward into year 8 I would encourage your DD to make one revision card per subject at the end of the school day, it will take 10 minutes, help summarise the days learning and get the revision card production done whilst it's fresh in her mind. DD has one of the arts & crafts boxes from Tesco about A5 size which just contains her revision items,that means they don't get lost on her desk

100% this.

Your friends are either nuts, lazy, jealous or liars.

You are teaching your dd cornerstone habits and life skills that will set her up for success and serve her well into her 20s and probably beyond.

Ignore the noise and carry on.

I would have the child direct, I would presume revision would not sink in for a child who goes through the motion just to keep the parent from nagging?

They are not being friends to you or you dd they are projecting their own guilt at not doing more onto you

Completely normal . I did the same at half term with my DS who is year 7 .

Your poor poor child, life is much wider and more interesting than school. It’s only year 7 exams not GCSEs.

All children need a rest from school stuff to be refreshed and able to learn for this term, also to have a good work life balance and experience more enriching meaningful activities beyond school limitations.

Poor kid.

A quick read through school books/ready made revision cards would be the most I would support. An hour per subject.

I wonder if you are driving your daughter’s perfectionism?

I think the PP who mentioned the difference between the GCSEs of today which is a regurgitation of information covering 2 (possibly 3) years of content in one hit and the GCSEs and a levels that we took which were modular and you could bake marks or sit resist if necessary. The amount of information today's students have to learn is vast. Using year 7 and 8 to try out different revision techniques under parental guidance (if the parent knows how) is perfect to lad to independence and routine later on.

Children also like to do things alongside others instead of being shut in their room away from everyone. Getting them to explain concepts to you or quizzing them on the flashcards they have made over a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits is always going to be better compared to them being left to their own devices on their own and make it a more enjoyable experience . If you make enough flashcards for enough subjects you can use a Trivial Pursuits board to play and revise at the same time with each subject given a specific colour. Revision doesn't have to be boring or done solo.

I think it's fine either way at that age. The unreasonable bit is the way the other parents reacted - particularly the one blethering on about it not being parents work. Weird. It's not like you were submitting the cards for them to be marked.

I never did that with my kids in year 7 but I certainly wouldn't get snotty with a parent who did

@GreyCarpet maybe I was a bit OTT on that, but in my defence there was a lot to go through. 9 exams, two of which included an art project (in various stages which will also be part of the marking) and an RE essay that she won't be graded on ,but had to be done. I didn't help with those two.

Out of the 9 days of half term , she was out for 6 doing fun stuff. 2 revising. 1 chilling and doing nothing.

I thought it was a decent balance, but maybe not. Will think on that.

Oh the trivial pursuit thing is a great idea! We play a lot anyway.

Yanbu. It sounds like you’re really setting a good system up now and it will have an impact, beyond making your dd feel better when she does well, as some sets may be based on the exams ( they’re introducing English sets for my ds in year 8).

i wish my yr 7 ds was that receptive to help from me! Maybe the other parents are thinking how hard it’d be to get their DC to accept 2 days of enforced revision and its coming out in rude dismissive comments from them. Still totally uncalled for though.

Yanbu, I was a crammer and it’s incredibly helpful to help your child with a format for revision.

In my experience some people don’t like it when other people make an effort to do something they think is difficult because they feel insecure about the fact they haven’t done it or think they can’t do it. I got some snipey snobbery for teaching DD to read early.

I think it's a good balance and it's important they learn how to plan and study around year 7/8 so that they are independent for GCSE and beyond

4 half days might be better though - less intense may be more effective

I think what you did is good parenting. I wish I had done this for my DD. I realised, too late, that the younger you can help them to develop good study habits the better. Your DD is lucky. Ignore the naysayers and ESPECIALLY ignore the mum who has the cheek to ask for your notes and then criticise them . It was generous of you to share.

This is funny in a way, because I was(still am ) a flake and I didn't particularly care. I could just remember stuff and make connections, so never did too badly. DD doesn't and she also cares.

History for example, is painful. It just doesn't click. So options were leave her to it, she'd do really badly and she'd be upset, or help her , and she'll do okish(hopefully) but at least she knows she tried and did the work so she can take pride and solace in that.

Dd is year 8 and did an hour a day over half term. She says her teachers have said to revise for around 20 minutes each time, with shorter blocks being more effective. So I helped her with a timetable of two subjects a day giving 5/10 minutes of prep for each subject and 20 minutes or so of revision.

Her end of year tests are run over two weeks so she will be doing more revision for each exam the night before. Every subject set revision as homework over half term. Some provided sheets, others guided towards books/knowledge planners that had previously been given out.

If you do it little and often over the year next year, you might not need the two days. But 2 out of 9 seems a reasonable balance.

Yep. I was left to fend for myself with revision and study habits, it was really hard. Your DD is lucky you are supporting her with it