Went on an awful date last night

[Lordsoftheboards]

He was very unclear about the meeting place and kept trying to get me to phone him beforehand.
He told me the street to meet him on as he was coming straight from work and I confirmed I'd meet him there.
He kept wanting me to ring to confirm details rather than just a quick short text.
I texted him saying I'm at X place on Moor Street. Then he phoned me saying 'where are you?'
I replied I was on X street like he told me to go to. He then told me to carry on walking down towards the seafront (live in a seaside town).
There was a big event on at the seafront. There were dancers, stalls and various things on, and he wanted to look at things for a grand total of 3 seconds then said 'Shall we go this way now?'.
The date lasted 1h20 in total. There was zero sort of chemistry, flirting, anything. He talked about himself most of the time and I just knew I didn't fancy him.
Turned up in a suit straight from work too.
At the very end he wanted to carry on but I told him I needed to get back. He winked at me and said 'Shall we do this again?' which I don't like as people should have time to decide and it puts you on the spot there and then.

I got a text when I'd got home saying thanks for tonight I had an amazing time, wanna do it again on Saturday?

I politely declined and he accepted it TBF.

I didn't even feel he was interested in me. If it had been a wonderful date where we'd really got on then fair enough, but I just felt like I could've been anyone tbh and he just wanted to fill the role of girlfriend.

Has anyone else had this?

I find it totally bizarre that people do this and then assume you must have enjoyed it as much as they did.

Yep, that’s me! Did divorce him though and, amazingly, he managed to find someone young and gorgeous Very Quickly - how a big salary can compensate for a small personality

You sound very young.

Just set your standards.

If they're not interested in getting to know what you're interested in. If they don't want to spend walking on the beach time with you.

They just want to shag you at their last minute convenience.

It was honestly easier to find partners, when a date didn't lead to immediate or expected sex.

Because then it was all about the person.

Yeah, unfortunately, I've had a couple who talk at me, rather than having a conversation. Dating, particularly first dates, just has so many pitfalls, and I'm very selective of who I'll meet in the first place.

I don't like to do phone calls, but I do like to text for quite a while to get a feel for someone. Some guys ask about meeting on maybe the fourth text, but if I'm going to set aside an evening I want to know we're going to at least enjoy it. I usually arrange coffee or drinks, I meet them there if it's a first date, and though I'm adhd/autistic and have to try really hard to remember, I make sure I ask them lots of questions about their life and interests.

The date you had could have been neurodiverse or narcissistic, or just hoping it would lead to sex and didn't put much effort in himself.

Trying to work out how to answer the question. Is YABU = politely declined another date?

Sounds like he talked at you, not to you. Forget it. He sounds self absorbed and boring.
Move on

I agree someone who insists on all the arrangements being to his exact specification, faffs about and then talks about himself constantly, showing no interest either in you as a person, or what you might enjoy on the date, sounds absolutely awful. It's a very low bar when a man like that would be considered 'fine just not your type' as who in the world would consider him their 'type'?

who in the world would consider him their 'type'?

Women who will be on MN a few years later complaining that their husband doesn’t listen properly and fails to remember their birthdays/special occasions , any allergies, their favourite foods or the names of their close friends and various other things they would like their life partner to take notice of.

All the messing around about where to meet would have had me well pissed off from the start...

Awful sounds apt.

Lets see how this reads to me: he organised you around his disorganised date idea, then fitted you around his own disorganised schedule of leaving work and meeting up without thinking about your impression of him (sending a gal on what initially can (in the background) feel like a wild goose chase meets Hannibal Lecter all on the off chance “he might be the one” or it might be good fun and a spark….

you finally find him as required and he hasn’t dressed to impress in your view, hasn’t been willing for some reason to accept your texts even though you played along with the crazy scenario thriller maze thread.

He wasn’t interested in (talking about) you. Didn’t show consideration as to whether you’d have liked to check out the open market thing more and everything was about him.

Am I right in all of this so far?
Does he sound like a catch?

life with him possibly cold at times like now feeling surplus to requirements while being intrigued and running around to please the other person, perhaps chasing something that isn’t there(?), sounds very much like an ex. If I was you OP I personally wouldn’t go there but that’s me. You (we all) deserve someone who would treat you the way you would treat them.

There are empathetic and considerate future partners out there. It’s important to find someone who can pick up on your emotional needs if, if you are looking for that. But if that’s not your goal then perhaps the lack of spark is what counts here.

I hope you have better fun with future dates and dating in general on you quest for a beautiful person to share life, love and sex with. What is your goal?