Went on an awful date last night

[Lordsoftheboards]

He was very unclear about the meeting place and kept trying to get me to phone him beforehand.
He told me the street to meet him on as he was coming straight from work and I confirmed I'd meet him there.
He kept wanting me to ring to confirm details rather than just a quick short text.
I texted him saying I'm at X place on Moor Street. Then he phoned me saying 'where are you?'
I replied I was on X street like he told me to go to. He then told me to carry on walking down towards the seafront (live in a seaside town).
There was a big event on at the seafront. There were dancers, stalls and various things on, and he wanted to look at things for a grand total of 3 seconds then said 'Shall we go this way now?'.
The date lasted 1h20 in total. There was zero sort of chemistry, flirting, anything. He talked about himself most of the time and I just knew I didn't fancy him.
Turned up in a suit straight from work too.
At the very end he wanted to carry on but I told him I needed to get back. He winked at me and said 'Shall we do this again?' which I don't like as people should have time to decide and it puts you on the spot there and then.

I got a text when I'd got home saying thanks for tonight I had an amazing time, wanna do it again on Saturday?

I politely declined and he accepted it TBF.

I didn't even feel he was interested in me. If it had been a wonderful date where we'd really got on then fair enough, but I just felt like I could've been anyone tbh and he just wanted to fill the role of girlfriend.

Has anyone else had this?

An online first date is a stranger. You do not know them.

Same as the dude who walks past you on the street. I don't follow your reasoning, but whatever makes you feel safer.

It's not the same as randomly passing someone on the street at all. It's a completely different scenario. Still you take your risks.

Maybe it was amazing for him as previous dates women have wittered on about themselves so this time he has a chance to talk about himself as you are a quiet person.

Or maybe he's just full of himself and laid favourite subject is him!

Or he was very nervous and masked it by wittering on and you weren't very chatty so he felt a need to keep going!

It was only an hour and a bad so only a snapshot of what he's like.

But if no chemistry then that's it, move on .

It isn't too different, as long as you don't go into a private space with that person. It doesn't sound like OP was trying to do that.

You do realise you can be kidnapped off the street by a stranger, just as easily as by an online date?

It just sounds really boring if there was no proper interaction.

Oh well. Next!

"I replied I was on X street like he told me to go to. He then told me to carry on walking down towards the seafront"
The pissing about with the location would have irritated me. Why not just set the meeting point as - the seafront? I may well have decided not to go to the seafront at all, just gone home.

OP, most men would have thought they had an amazing time if they'd spent the entire time talking about themselves. He probably thought you had an amazing time as well, because he sounds pretty thoughtless and uninterested in anyone else. No doubt he's the type who just wants a girlfriend to listen to him.

Re: organisation, on second date my DH requested we meet on a street corner rather than a restaurant (so we could choose together). I thought it was really weird but I liked him...turns out that's the norm for meeting up for dates / with friends in the country he's from. I wouldn't write someone off for that sort of thing - if you get on with them on the actual date itself!

People never cease to amaze me.
You get to where you are supposed to be meeting (and I am in the make it in a cafe/pub group) and he tells you to keep on walking towards where he has decided to be, instead?
No apology, no 'So sorry, running late, walking towards you, do you want to wait or meet me half way? ' Just 'Keep on walking.'
Your best bet would have been to turn around and walk away.

I went on a blind date once and all he talked about was his ex girlfriend and how bloody wonderful she was.
She left him for someone else but he was besotted. The date lasted all of an hour, as I made my excuses he asked if we could meet again as he enjoyed talking to me and it was helping him!
Not going to say what I said in reply to that😁

Well it certainly does sound awful to me too! Tedious in the extreme and demoralising. Hope the next one is better!

All the pissing about at the start would have pissed me off too, I wouldnt have gone. Stinks of him testing you to see what you would put up with @Lordsoftheboards

I read some of these dating threads and wonder why people bother 🤦🏾‍♀️. I think my patience is too limited for this.

We're not going to arrange to meet at Starbucks, get there and you’re directing me 1/2 a mile down the damn street. I’m going home.

If you had spoken to him on the phone before then you would have picked up on the fact that he just wanted to talk about himself.

Or they treat it like a job interview where their aim is just to impress the other side to get through to being offered the job.

Sounds a fairly normal first date to me, just you didn't fancy him.

If he was looking for sex I don't think he'd bother talking much. Or spending 1h20 it would be inviting you round his place

I have to say YABU to be upset about the location if you refused to answer the phone. It would have been easier for him to explain why he's changed it and communicate locations

It does sound like you weren't really feeling it from the off lol, If he was irritating you before meeting

Doesn't matter anyway. You parted ways, onto the next one

Lots of posters glossing over the fact that he droned on about himself and showed zero interest in you and asked no questions. Sounds dire and no wonder you’re shocked he thought it went well!

A lot of men are way more smooth than that, and play the long game. They know if they ask a girl round to their home on the first night it’s a bit too obvious and may put a lot of women off.

So they will court you first, then you become their girlfriend and then they get regular sex long term.

Just wanting sex with a half decent woman doesn’t necessarily mean one night stand. Sometimes they want long term but it still doesn’t mean they are seeking a deep connection and are bothered about getting to know you well on an emotional/mental level.

I was proposed to really quickly once by a man who was clearly looking for a younger woman he found attractive to fit the “wife” role. He talked a lot and barely knew me! I think he wanted sex, kids and someone to listen to him and it didn’t matter who that was as long they were young, attractive enough (in his eyes) and seemed interested in his chat.

Exactly! Hardly any women are going to say 'yes' if a man turns up on a date and says, let's skip the date and go straight back to my place.

It sounds like you’re massively overthinking it and trying to find issues with it.

He just sounded nervous, which is understandable for a first date.

If you’re not into him, you’re not into him.
I don’t think there even needs to be a particular reason, sometimes we just don’t click with people.

He sounds like an alright guy and it’s all good experience for your future dates.

He should have met where HE had arranged, not have you wondering around town.
Not asking questions about you- big no.
Don’t bother with anyone like this. If he can’t make the effort now he isn’t going to put effort into the relationship down the line.
Stick to your boundaries op.
I also agree many, many men just want a half decent looking woman who they can shag and get to do the grunt work.

He sounds like he probably just really socially awkward and not had much dating experience. He didn’t do anything wrong though and has accepted that you’re not interested so… everything is fine

@Thesunisanorange I see your point. I'm in my 20s and probably have a different experience of mostly online dating -

I get it OP, I had a date with a similar chap many years ago. Anything I managed to say - anything at ALL - sparked an anecdote about himself. E.g. what kind of music do you like? Oh, my cousin and I own a recording studio in Manchester, let me tell you all about it. Oh look, there's a pool table over there - do you play? Well, my cousin and I used to own a snooker hall in London, may I treat you to a ten minute monologue about it? Every so often he would say, "I seem to be just talking about myself, I'm really sorry how rude of me", then ask me a question that I would answer, triggering another soliloquy from him. In the end I simply redirected all questions to him, just to see if he'd notice, but he didn't.

The next day he sent a dozen red roses to my place of work with a card thanking me for the wonderful evening and asking me out for the following weekend. I declined, but it does illustrate that two people can be on the same date but it's a very different date for each of them, so I think YANBU.