To think 9-5 does not work

[Worryingwhy]

I now work 9-5 after being a SAHP. I'm realising how hard this is. Medical Appointments for me AND DC. Dental appointments, Pets needing to go to the vet etc etc. I don't know how I'm going to manage all this. Wondering if I have made a huge mistake in going back to work full time to be honest.

Is your workplace flexible?

I wouldn't need to take time off for the doctors or dentists, I'd just let my manager know and be back as soon as I can (same with appointments for DC).

Also for dropping the car off for a MOT etc or going with DH to drop off his car so I can bring him back in mine.

My DH's work is the same.

I never work 9-5. I do evenings/weekends instead. It’s so much easier for appointments, school stuff etc . I never did 9-5 before I had my children either- I’ve always liked days off midweek and mornings free for things like shopping.

For me 9-5 is the only thing that works, because childcare is available between 8am and 6pm, and my commute takes almost an hour. But yes, I work four days instead of full time, with Friday off and one short day WFH because that is the only way I can stay on top of everything and still have a good quality of life.

I will stay in this exact job working these exact hours until I no longer need to consider childcare, because so many jobs now require an 8am start or a 6pm finish or occasional weekend work mainly to weed out applicants with young children I suspect.

You must have childcare for the evenings and w/e when you're working, in which case 9-5 would be possible. I'm sure couples working 9-5 with children can manage most appointments and school things by taking leave.

we spent years with one of us working "8-5" (leave house at 6:30 arrive home at 18:30 earliest) and the other working split shifts including weekends, which meant barely seeing each other, but the split-shifter had 2 weekdays (usually, not always) where we had to put the appointments.

And one took the first 3 weeks and the other took the second 3 weeks of the summer holiday. Or else we couldn't manage (no family support, no holiday clubs)

I work 9-5.30 but thankfully from home so I can do the school runs etc but yeah, its tough and I don't think I could do it if I wasn't working from home. Genuinely wish I was a stay at home parent but unfortunately needs must.

I used to work for a company that had over 200 different working patterns to accommodate parents struggling with young children, nursery start times, gp appointments. Nightmare during the younger years. Best wishes!

This is one of the main reasons that I'm not going back to work full time. I do 3 days a week + 1 from home (but the workload is flexible so I often do this work evenings/weekends to catch up as my daughter is only in nursery 3 days a week).
Having 2 days for flexibility with errands/appointments is so helpful.

When my kids were younger I did 10-3 and then an evening job 6-10 three nights a week. It gave me flexibility but was knackering. I work 9-5 now. Without kids stuff to think about it doesn't seem difficult fitting other appointments in. With kids it must be very tricky.

I always though that 9 to 5pm in an office is something that is based around that the assumption that someone:

• does not have childcare and elderly care responsibilities or has someone at home who takes on that burden
• does not have disabilities/health conditions
• has a short commute.

The above might be fine for a young, able, probably male individual with no caring responsibilities but for everyone else that does not neatly fit into that category it is not the most productive way of working.

Flexible/remote working is definitely something that helps parents, older people, disabled people, carers to thrive at work.

No idea why so many employers and employees are so rigid about work arrangements.

Covid has shown that many jobs can be done flexibly/remotely and that it contributes to a better life/work balance.

Inflexible companies will just keep losing staff and having issues with recruitment/retention.

I agree op! 9-5 pm was designed for when there were many sahps and a bloke could go to work “unencumbered” by domestic preoccupations.

It’s a fact of life that everyone needs to visit doctors and dentists occasionally (in fact it benefits the employer if their work force is healthy) and so do their dependents.

It’s also a fact of life that most children under six years of age have frequent minor illnesses that require a few days of recuperation at home, preferably with a parent.

Why there isn’t built-in flexibility for these essential absences in 2024 I do not know! A few people swing the lead as usual but most people just want to do a decent job of work and be a reasonably good parent.

You're actually entitled to 18 weeks unpaid parental leave per child up until their 18th birthday: https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement That's for stuff that's planned in advance. Then you're also entitled to time off for unplanned situations where you need to take care of dependents. That can be as much as the employer deems ok, and can be paid or unpaid: https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

There is built in flexibility, or at least the law says employers must provide it:

Time off for sudden caregiving needs: www.acas.org.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Parental leave: www.unison.org.uk/get-help/knowledge/leave/parental-leave/

My workplace is not flexible, there is no time allowed of for doctors etc. This is why I work Saturdays and Sundays... so I get two days off between Monday to Friday. Hence why I'm on MN right now and off to do stuff...(still can't get a flippin' doctors appointment though!!)

I should say I'm not a parent..but I do work with mainly parents of very young kids, who do same...

unless your child has disabilities when there are often many medical appointments, how often do you do? most people rarely see the GP. Dentist is arranged during school holidays on the days I have booked annual leave. It's only twice a year. And yes, working is a lot harder than being a sahm but the long term benefits are worth it.

It’s hard OP. I couldn’t do the jobs I used to do now due to the kids. One thing I will say is DH shouldn’t be written off with ‘works too far away so can’t help’. You both need to sit down and calculate how you make it work- whether that’s one parent PT, making use of flexible working policies, compressing hours etc. if you were a SAHM presumably you may not suddenly need a FT income so could you do part time?
DH works in the office most days but could wfh but he does half the school runs (we use wraparound care) on our working days. I do a long day, a 2:30 finish and one day off a week so I do the other half. We aren’t ‘lucky’ to have these jobs we have actively sought flexible work and made sure our jobs work for our family. I’m a nurse so it took some doing but I’ve got a great set up now which I’m very grateful for!

I don’t have rigid work hours and if I did, I would rely on my parents and/or paid help. Ie, our nanny took our DC to the dentist and mine certainly took me to the dr. My parents did it by flexing schedules massively and/or taking sick leave for appts (permitted where we live) but I’ve also honestly never worked anywhere that would make me “make up the time” if I had a morning off for dentist. I need to get my work done but surely most office jobs are output based?

Myself and DH have been self employed for years and it is the only thing that has saved our sanity when our children were young. As long as our work was done on time, no one cared when we did it. So if we needed a couple of hours during the day for an appointment, we just did a couple of hours in the evening or at the weekend. If parent's annual leave has to be used up on appointments and covering summer holidays, separately, I do wonder how people's adult relationships can take the strain? We had no outside help, no family to step in during emergencies and we didn't use childminders or wrap around care, which saved us a fortune and took a lot of financial strain off our shoulders. I worked part time during the holidays so the kids had me as a full time parent, give or take a few days, over the summer. There is no reason why more jobs could not be more flexible - life shouldn't be an endurance test.