To think 9-5 does not work

[Worryingwhy]

I now work 9-5 after being a SAHP. I'm realising how hard this is. Medical Appointments for me AND DC. Dental appointments, Pets needing to go to the vet etc etc. I don't know how I'm going to manage all this. Wondering if I have made a huge mistake in going back to work full time to be honest.

Yeah when I was a nurse I did a year in 9-5 based role having always worked shifts I found it very hard to arrange appointments etc.

My DD combines dental with booked leave over the school holidays. I'm her childcare, do can do other appointments. Re doctor appointments, it's a nightmare whatever your hours. Audiology etc will try to prioritise children at school with later or early appointments, so it could mean only two hours off. My DD has had to take unpaid parental leave because of a hospital admission. Shared between two, it isn't as bad.

Actually. I found it rather hard even then with a commute and doctors/dentist surgery in my home area. That was me on my own. Now I have kids and pets and DH works even further from home so he can't do it. But yes it's changed now I've got other responsibilities than just myself. And yes it didn't affect me so no I didn't know how working parents managed. That's kind of what I'm asking. How do you all cope with these rigid working hours that don't fit with other services you might need to use?

my point is that if you had been paying a small bit of attention you would have realised they struggled and maybe, you know, spoken to them about it?

i knew about it before i had DC and right up to about 2 months before i had DC at quite a late age, i was adamant i was never ever having children. But i knew the struggles.

The only advice is: if you can afford it drop hours. Be aware that it will affect your future (pension, possible promotion, employment chances, etc)

is the father of your children struggling too? if he did his share, you'd only struggle half as much, for example.

I'd take annual leave in school hols and book dentist /dog vacs etc way in advance for those dates.

Doctors is trickier you need to either call in sick or book parental leave if it's your child.

Hospital you need to take annual leave if you don't get flexi

Is your work totally inflexible? I work longer hours and find it ok.

Dentist etc booked in advance for holidays. My appointments I try to do in my lunch hour or weekends. Banking in branch can be done on a Saturday morning (if I drive 15 miles to my nearest branch but that’s another story)

Dr is rare so I would just WFH and make up the hours.

School stuff I fudge and make the hours up on, although have done many work calls from the school carpark before or after an assembly/ play/ concert / sports day.

Child sick days I WFH or DH works from home. He works further away that I do so I tend to do anything that’s emergency on the day but we split as much as we can 50:50

It's hard to know if YABU really as you haven't said what the actual time impact of the medical appointments for you and your DC are, along with the vets etc. I have worked full time since 9 months after DD was born in quite high-expectation professional environments (the hours often are longer than 9-5). I am facilitated in this by a partner who is an active team member for all the family and domestic stuff, both of us being highly organised, and making choices that other people might not, e.g. DD being in full time nursery from 9 months, using wraparound care and holiday nannies etc. Fortunately we are all in robust health so don't have that aspect to be juggling. I think it's a question of building up,your own resilience and organisation skills if working full time again if what you want/need to do, otherwise drop down to 4 or 3 days.

9-5 is a dream compared to a 24 hour 6 week shift pattern which can be changed at the drop of a hat

However I do get appts are difficult to attend - medical appts should run until 2100hrs imho

Vets are open Saturday mornings - if yours isn't perhaps look around?

No DC but I have complex health conditions

Vet - found one that does evenings and weekends
Dentist - does a late night twice a week
Doctors - does emergency/urgent evening and weekend appointments which are really easy to get
Hospital - if it's a 10 min phone one I ask work or I use annual leave for the ones I have to attend
Blood tests every month - found a place that does Saturdays

Routine appointments you make in holidays.

Non routine appointments I tried to book beginning or end of day (DH and I both had flexibility to come in late or leave early if we worked early/late to compensate).

Non routine and no choice about them appointments you just have to book time off (making sure you share with your partner). And if you are booking time off that's the time to book in as many things as possible for maximum efficiency :)
Appointments for yourself try to book on phone or lunchtimes.

The average child (and I have a child with a long term medical condition so not an average one) does not really have that many appointments that have to be done during the working day. It just sometimes feels like that as they tend to cluster!

It doesn't matter if your husband works further away or not. He still needs to cover half of all appointments as now that you are working fulltime the children are his responsibility as much as yours.
You have a husband problem, not a working hours problem.

I don't think it's possible to work full time. Five days a week with children unless the other parent doesn't work full time.

No it's the attitude that because it's always that way it should always be that way and to suck it up.

You can only deal with a problem if the problem is recognised in the first place.

I have core hours 10-4 and we make up our hours to what ever contracted depending on how you work best. I have colleagues that do 8-4 or 10-6 or 8-6 with compressed hours. It means that we have a bit of flexibility and can start a bit later or finish earlier if we have an appointment and as long as work is all done in a timely fashion and you have caught up the hours within a week it's fine.
For my appointments I nip out and back and make up the time. For my daughters paeds appointments the parking is horrendous and you have to allow 40+ minutes to find a space and they are often running an hour late so I generally book a half day and work before and after. I could make up the hours but I find it less stressful to know I have time without rushing.
I'm currently on 4 days a week due to my own health needs I can't work full time. I can't work much on my day off but knowing I can catch up an hour does help release the pressure when we have appointments

Yep the whole 9-5 was designed for a male who has dependents at home who take on the life strain. I'm really hoping as boomers retire and the next generations start taking senior roles we continue to see more flexible working coming in. As we have become globalised and everything at a touch of a button why can't we all work different hours. If you are based in the UK but have colleagues on the west coast of the US and Asia why couldn't you easily start work at 6am for a couple of hours to catch your Asian colleagues before they clock off. Take the middle of the day off and then clock back in during the evening to liaise with your American colleagues. This allowing flexibility to pick your kids up, go to the vets, medical appointments etc. If that's a lifestyle that you are happy to choose.

I work school hours but I've had to sacrifice my career aspirations to do so. My industry is a fast paced 24 hour industry. Shifts generally fall at 12 hours and anytime over a 24 hour period on a shift pattern I.e 4 on/4 off. DH works with people all over the world and generally has most meetings late in the afternoon/early evening. Meaning he can't do school pick up at normal time or after wrap around care but could easily do morning drop off. I am finding it rare to locate a full time job in my industry whereby I do an early shift and finish to be able to collect the kids.

Working 9-5 plus a commute 5 days a week is awful. I used to leave the house at 6.30 and get home at 7.30. I still don't know how I did it.
I'm now very flexible and wouldn't do 5 days in office again. In fact I interviewed for a role recently which would have meant 3/4?days in the city. I immediately withdrew- it's too hard with primary aged children and I'd have no life.
I'm always surprised organisations still expect people to do that. Our values have changed a lot in recent times.

Just because it isn't possible for you, it doesn't mean others aren't able to manage to do it.

which is my point. All those years OP was childfree and presumably skipping her merry way to and from work without noticing that her colleagues with children were having a tough time? was she never expected to cover unexpected absences due to sick kids? tried and failed to book annual leave in July and August? etc etc

If we had more family friendly (all types of family) workplaces it would be a big start. I wonder if in 20 years OP will be here bemoaning the fact that working 9-5 five days a week makes it difficult to care for her aging parents? This is happening now - but people are wrapped up in their own bubbles and that is why, once you are through parts of it, you CBA to help people who ignored your struggles It is, unfortunately, human nature.

except that in a previous job as the oldest and only woman with children for a ling while, i made sure that those behind me could come back part time, or flexi time and that we had flexible hours on an ad hoc basis to cover childcare emergencies etc. But also carers weren't forgotten and so on and so on. Even though not a bit of it affected me, and i had had to struggle because asking for those things as the only one in the company wanting it meant i was met with blank looks and refusals.

You split this with your DH (it's not all your responsibility) and use annual leave.

I really struggled in my last job, totally inflexible and annual leave was very hard to book, lots of people fighting for the same days which caused conflict. Couldn’t make up the hours as the company worked literally from 8 till 4, it was a very small place.

so I left, went part time. I have no dh (widowed) so no one to help.

I'm really hoping as boomers retire and the next generations start taking senior roles we continue to see more flexible working coming in.

apart from this lovely ageism - i agree. don't forget a lot of the "boomer" women you are talking about have caring obligations for elderly parents. They could probably use flexibility too

Medical appointments for yourself can be taken during working hours.
For your children you need to book routine (e.g dental) during your annual leave. Same for pets.
For emergency medical appointments for your children you can take unpaid emergency family leave.

For everything else it's a juggle. Some flexibility in your working hours, other people (the other parent or family) helping. If the juggle is impossible and you cannot do the job you are contracted to do then you have no other option but to find another one.

I've noticed a bit of a divide between those who have grandparents help and those who don't in terms of managing work hours.

To be honest even before kids when I worked full time I struggled to keep up with appointments and let a lot go as I hate having to "juggle" things.

I seem to have managed to work a full time job and raise 2 children as a lone parent.
It is possible because I have great flexibility and supportive managers.
I am also in a senior, professional position so there is no question about the ability to get my job done.