Ds 8...help anyone?

[RaginaPhalange]

Posting for traffic and to see if this is normal for an 8 year old or if I'm expecting too much and if anyone has any recommendations of how I can help him.

Every school morning its the same routine for him, get dressed, have breakfast, put his snack and water in the bag, get teeth and hair done. Shoes on, jacket if needed and then time to watch something on the TV for about 20 minutes but rarely happens as he needs to be reminded to do all tasks and he usually ends up missing out on TV time. He just seems to get distracted or sits in a day dream or he's looking for something he has misplaced like jacket or school jumper (he has a chair in his room to put these on when in from school)

If asked to go look for something say in the kitchen he will quickly scan the room and say no couldn't see it. Then when either myself or dh goes in the object is in plain sight.

He has a couple of "jobs" to do in the house after school, bring washing down after getting changed out of uniform. He will occasionally do this without being asked though will often say he's forgot to do them, again same routine since he was 6. Teacher also noticed this in school they have set tasks they need to do in a certain amount of time and she finds he's just zoned out or taking his time. Often doesn't go to the task prepared like having a pencil etc.

If we're going out anywhere I can't give him maybe 2 or 3 instructions at once, like brush your teeth and get a jumper. He will come back doing only 1 then I have to send him back to do the other one. His teacher has also notices this in school

He is also getting grumpy when he's asked to do something he doesn't really want to do such as going to the shops, it's a big moan of why do we need to, I want to do xyz. I would expect that off my 3 year old. He's also a really bad loser, will moan and complain which makes it not fun.

Sorry its been a long one. I feel stuck with what I can do for him.

Snap except without the grumpiness and mine is a DD.

Yup, I am the proud owner of a DS 9 who wouldn’t notice his shoes if he was wearing them.
We had his eyes tested to see if that was the problem. It wasn’t.
i would hope he will grow out of it, but his fathers exactly the same. Drives me nuts.

This is perfectly normal in my world but my kids both have ADHD.

I have bad news. You have years left of this. 🤬 They are oblivious to the passage of time. It gets worse with TV and any sort of phone or gadget so I'd avoid them for as long as possible.

Lack of short term memory to follow a set of instructions can be a sign of dyslexia and adhd. How is he faring academically?

But unless there are marked issues, it's far more likely that he's just in his own wibbly wobbly world and not paying you a lot of attention.

I have been thinking ADHD for a while but I'm still unsure.

He already has a switch and tablet though these have now been limited to when myself and dh come home from work to see if his "jobs" are done as he was just going on them straight from school.

He does really well at maths and science. He is doing better with reading etc. He will confuse b and d all the time.

I have asked his teacher about my concerns but all she says is she notices this in school too.

My DS8 is exactly the same, older daughter is too. Very normal.

Step daughter was like this at that age and was later diagnosed with dyslexia (around age 10) and the issues with processing time were included in the assessor’s report as being features of the condition.

My son is dyslexic (not ADHD) and not being able to deal with a list of instructions was an issue for him when younger.

So go up to brush your teeth fine (and also get jumper - not)

We used to post it note lists!!

That is very reminiscent of ADHD. Poor working memory, poor executive function, general inattentiveness. It’s definitely worth exploring especially as it’s being noticed at home and at school.

Both my DSs (8 and 11) are forever saying ‘sorry, Mum, I got distracted’. Drives me mad but I accept that this is just part of being smallish DC and that I was similar but am a fully functional adult these days. So, solidarity, but I wouldn’t panic.

I would say he definitely has markers for inattentive ADHD. Some of your expectations are a bit high - I don't think most 8 year olds will proactively remember to take the washing in, nor do they always like being dragged out to do chores for example - but the poor executive functioning, struggling to start a task etc are pretty classic signs.

I could have written this myself. DS 9 needs constant reminders/chivvying to do absolutely everything. School were becoming very frustrated with him not even starting tasks because he’d zone out & not realise what was going on. We eventually had him assessed & he’s been diagnosed with ASD, scoring very low (like a typical 5 year old) for processing speed. We’ve now made adjustments & are basically having to treat him like a much younger child when it comes to independence & getting things done. He needs written reminders for pretty much everything as he just can’t process verbal abuse instructions at the moment. Might not be relevant to your DC but something to consider.

The moaning about going to the shops sounds normal, as he is still really little and of course doesn't want to do boring stuff.
The struggling with following instructions sounds like my dd who has SEN though. If school are noticing this is good, as it is something you can discuss with them and see if they would make the referral for assessment.

My 8 year old son is so similar that I've sent this to my husband.

The only different is he doesn't get particularly grumpy, but he can be so fucking emotional!

I think he's just not fucking listening, which he gets from his dad. I can ask him to put his toothbrush away and do his mouthwash and he will "forget" the mouthwash in those 3 seconds. He hasn't forgotten. He just wasn't listening.

I'm finding he's getting better as I tell him go look at me and focus when I'm talking. And we stick to a routine so he knows what's expected.

Weirdly, we've recently added that he needs to make his bed every morning and he very rarely needs to be reminded of this one - he just does it.

Sounds pretty typical 8 year old behaviour to me. DS is older and can still be like that ( no additional needs). DD less so but she was trickier in other ways.

My younger brother was like this. Would ‘pop out’ but because he couldn’t find his keys he’d just go out and leave front door wide open!!
He used to get sent to shops for 2 items and would come back with different items All together. Be sent upstairs for two things and only remember one. Couldn’t remember spellings. My mum was told he had a form of dyslexia which affected short term memory. Never formerly diagnosed though as kids weren’t back then

He sounds like my son. Constantly distracted and never able to complete a list of jobs. Get your shoes, bag and coat would result him coming back with one and if lucky two! He was diagnosed with visual processing disorder in year 4.

DD7 is like this, has been suggested being assessed for ADHD by every teacher she's had since nursery, being assessed this year as wanted to see if she grew out of certain things.

Getting b and d confused is common. I asked the teacher when my DD was in year 1 so age 6/7.

Love your user name 🤣 @RaginaPhalange

My very bright and academic 10 year old is most of the time like this.
After thinking ADHD (I have it) I think he's more likely to be dispraxic. His fine motor skills are awful, draws like a toddler, bad handwriting, can't ride a bike etc. But with quite some effort we can overcome the obstacles so I just support him the best I can.

Common in our house too, DD has autism but it's more of a working memory and processing problem than anything. Common in children with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or none of those. It has no relation on intellect but can impact how you deal with manipulating information in your head DD is extremely gifted, particularly in maths and can do very complex problems written down but ask her a simple multiplication or to add two two-digit numbers and she'll struggle or use her fingers. Same with spelling, excellent speller on paper, struggles massively out loud.

Visual pictures instead of verbal instructions world when she was younger even if it's things she does everyday.

Now she's older I WhatsApp her a list of things she needs to do and she works her way through the list without being nagged.

One of the key signs in school is following a list of instructions but missing half the steps, struggling to copy from the board as by the time you've read it and looked down to write it you've forgotten the start of the sentence. In this case it's better to have the teacher print out a copy of the PowerPoint in advance if there is a particularly long section of copying so he can copy from directly Infront of him. Or even 'fill the gap' exercises instead

@QueenCamilla it's worth talking to school about it, and if they don't do anything the High school when he moves up. These issues can impact his ability to learn successfully as academic expectations increase if the right adjustments aren't put in place. Often the adjustments are very simple but make a world of difference both to academics but also a child's self esteem if they just think they are slower than everyone else/ thick/ stupid whatever the word of the day is.

This sounds very much like a normal eight-year-old to me.