Ds 8...help anyone?

[RaginaPhalange]

Posting for traffic and to see if this is normal for an 8 year old or if I'm expecting too much and if anyone has any recommendations of how I can help him.

Every school morning its the same routine for him, get dressed, have breakfast, put his snack and water in the bag, get teeth and hair done. Shoes on, jacket if needed and then time to watch something on the TV for about 20 minutes but rarely happens as he needs to be reminded to do all tasks and he usually ends up missing out on TV time. He just seems to get distracted or sits in a day dream or he's looking for something he has misplaced like jacket or school jumper (he has a chair in his room to put these on when in from school)

If asked to go look for something say in the kitchen he will quickly scan the room and say no couldn't see it. Then when either myself or dh goes in the object is in plain sight.

He has a couple of "jobs" to do in the house after school, bring washing down after getting changed out of uniform. He will occasionally do this without being asked though will often say he's forgot to do them, again same routine since he was 6. Teacher also noticed this in school they have set tasks they need to do in a certain amount of time and she finds he's just zoned out or taking his time. Often doesn't go to the task prepared like having a pencil etc.

If we're going out anywhere I can't give him maybe 2 or 3 instructions at once, like brush your teeth and get a jumper. He will come back doing only 1 then I have to send him back to do the other one. His teacher has also notices this in school

He is also getting grumpy when he's asked to do something he doesn't really want to do such as going to the shops, it's a big moan of why do we need to, I want to do xyz. I would expect that off my 3 year old. He's also a really bad loser, will moan and complain which makes it not fun.

Sorry its been a long one. I feel stuck with what I can do for him.

@Singleandproud
I wasn't the best parent myself before I realised not that he won't... He can't. Takes a while to grasp the discrepancy when someone is so quick with maths and can spell without memorising and yet can't hold the scissors.
He gets extra lessons for handwriting but we are also starting on typing - maybe that will be easier.

But anyone thinking ADHD should also look into dyspraxia - there's so much overlap!

Here’s on dyspraxia:

I have a similar age DS who does all these things too. So far as I know he is NT and these are just his personality traits for now. But if you are worried about ADHD I think you should speak to your GP. Make a list of everything that concerns you and speak to his teacher again too.

I think this is very normal, sadly. My 11 year old is exactly like this. It's infuriating. I have raised the issue of ADHD with teachers because she is very easily distracted (but also very good at paying attention when it's something she enjoys). Teachers have all said they have no concerns about ADHD. I think it's just that getting ready and out the door on time in the morning is both boring and stressful. It is for adults too.

Yes, 'won't' and 'can't' are tricky aren't they and hard to separate.

There are also many conditions which most parents have never heard of in they don't work in education beyond the common, autism, ADHD and dyslexia like Executive functioning, working memory or processing issues, dyspraxia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia etc.

My DD is so academically clever that it really frustrates me when she can't do seemingly simple tasks, like go to student reception to ask for her coat back that she lost, or to hand in her trip letter but can then sit and do A level / university level school work before even starting her GCSEs but that's the 'tism.

I’d try breaking this down a bit more. Only ask one thing at a time from him. Then he’s more likely to succeed and can be praised rather than always getting things a bit wrong.

If he can’t find things help him learn to look. So if he says ‘I can’t see it’ go back into the room with him and direct him without telling him and he will learn eventually.

Giving him a checklist might be useful in the mornings so he can tick off what he has done and what comes next.

Maybe he’s got some ADHD/ dyslexia etc but he’s still the same child and working very slowly on gaining organisation skills will help. He’s also very young so don’t expect too much.

Could be normal 8 year behaviour.

Could be ADHD/Dyspraxia. Keep communicating with the school, they will know if it crosses the line of ‘normal’ behaviour.

Ds8 needs constant reminders in the morning too . He will be half way putting an item of clothing on and become distracted . I don’t think he would notice if he went to school in his pyjamas. If I give him more than 1 instruction at a time he gets a bit flustered and asks for them
one at a time . He is not grumpy but can be emotional.

My 8 year old can't follow more than one instruction at a time but she does have ASD. Saying that my NT 11 year old isn't much better but can at least manage to do both when asked to put his shoes and coat on.

@Singleandproud can you give some examples of the type of adjustments made? What specifically did you change. I have a dd who's very similar but school doesn't see any issues.

At school, if teaching a class who had to copy a chunk from the board I would print out a copy so students could have 1 per table to copy directly from or I would print out a gap fill copy with some comprehension questions or a similar task for those who weren't writing the whole thing out, so they had the information but had a task to take up some time.

If giving directions for an experiment (science teacher) explain it, demo with words, demo again without words. Method written/ drawn on a mini white board on the table for students that need it.

For DD visual routine when younger, as she hot older I WhatsApp her jobs to her and she works through it. For things like 'Tidy room' I got her to use Goblin Tools website to break the task down and printed and laminated the sheet so she can work through it independently.

I think it's probably easier to offer support at Secondary school. Primary are so focused on teaching the basic skills and many of those areas children struggle with many of them will grow out of with time as children develop at different rates. Whereas at Secondary, I really don't care if little Sammy writes joined up as long as I can read it. If he has large handwriting and wants to leave every other line that's fine, if he can write perfectly well but not joined up that's fine, if he wants to draw out his method instead of write it,that's fine providing he uses a pencil, ruler and the correct scientific diagrams, if he needs a word processor that's fine although slightly awkward and relies on the tech being up to scratch, WiFi etc.

Thank you. That's helpful

Thanks for everyone's comments, those are just my main concerns. I think I'll definitely try to have a proper conversation with his teacher and gp.