To disappear for a while?

[bendy75]

I am recently widowed (3 months) and have a 11 year old son, we have had an awful year and as much as I appreciate the support I have had, I really feel like I want to escape from it all.

I was thinking of an extended holiday, just me and my son (in the summer hols), for perhaps 3 or 4 weeks, in a cottage somewhere lovely and peaceful, however I have been told from quite a few friends and family this is a terrible idea, it's selfish and a waste of my deceased husbands money (in laws), I do know they are grieving too but I feel I actually need this.

Has anyone been in this situation? Did it help at all?

My first thought when I read your post was do it provided your son is OK with it. My son was 18 when my DH died suddenly and he received tremendous support from his friends. In fact his friend's parents were more supportive to me than anyone else in my life.
Having read your update then, yes, just do it. Nobody can tell you how to cope with grief. You do what works best for you.
My sympathies to all on this thread who have had deal with the loss of loved ones.

My mum died when I was a tot. Not long after, my DF took me and younger sister away on holiday. I slept in his bed with him and he created a new nickname for me which only he uses.

The holiday was for him and his girls to re-group as a new-shaped family, absorbing the hole that my mum left.

For us, it was a priceless time.

Go.

My friend lost her husband at the end of February and she has been on at least 3 long weekends away.

They'd been married 20 years.

She lives right beside her inlaws and they don't like her going away. (They don't understand why she'd go without him, on her own)

Now, to be fair, the first time she went away it was concerning for all of us as he's been her carer and looked after her, she can be a bit "daft" at times (and she did get drunk this weekend and post all over social media, but she was grieving)

The past couple of times she's just wanted a quiet break in places they both enjoyed going and speaking to people who knew him.

Please do what you feel is right for you and your son. Sounds like you have talked this through with your son and he would like to do this.

My eldest son died and I went on holiday with my youngest son (divorced from their father), and another holiday with my closest girlfriend. It doesn't change what has happened but does give you a little space to breathe without others watching your every move.

I needed space from those that cared for me as I felt I needed to be strong in front of them but to go away I could just be me and my son and not worry about anyone else.

I hope you find somewhere glorious to rest and relax and just be.

Sorry for your loss

Follow your gut instinct & go away

You can always return early or stay longer

Be kind to yourself

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

I agree with PP. Go. You and your son need a break. It's good to have your in-laws in mind as it shows you're thinking about everyone at this awful time. Go to places your dearly departed loved and take all the time you need. He will always be in your heart. I know this might sound wishy-washy religious, but I firmly believe he is looking down and smiling on all of you. He would have wanted you to be happy and to take care of your son and his parents. Do what's best for you, and if you feel you need to take a holiday, do so.

We had a holiday already booked which turned out to be two weeks after my dad suddenly died (fatal accident). A week out in the Mediterranean was absolutely perfect to release some grief, and I coped a lot better after that.

Your people telling you it's a waste of your husband's money are fucking idiots. Or at least they're being fucking idiots about this; as you say they've suffered the loss too and might not be in their right minds.

Don't listen to people saying you're selfish.

I would however, check with your son if he'd like this. A cottage may be a bit too quiet and give too much time to think. Maybe somewhere he can have some fun and socialise with other children and you can relax.