Do your kids like going to school?

[Howsaboutthatthenhey]

Dd had a friend over at the weekend (they’re 6 & 7)
They were sat playing together in the trampoline, chatting away.
I heard Dd say ‘I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, but I have to’ her replied ‘I don’t either, but I have to go’ he said it in such a sad way and they both seemed so sad. Minutes before they’d been playing so happily. Both very outgoing, happy kids.
Felt so sad to hear them and see the change in their faces during their little, private conversation
I often feel I’m making Dd go to school, are we doing it all wrong?

It’s ridiculous. I think anxiety is high in teens now because they’re catching it from their parents.

I have read that anxiety is spread through social networks - but at same time despite some threads on here I don't think it's entirely parents.

I think school environments at least at secondary have deteriorated - teacher union here say the same larger classes more substitute teachers. I think some ND kids who bumble though like I did and like oldest child did are now really struggling.

Having said that current situation with my youngest was exasperated one kids parent - who has various anxiety related conditions including agoraphobia got involved and made everything worse between the girls - we said it would likely die down after half term and to think long term - which her siblings also told her - and it has bar this one kid who at 15 is being told she not allowed to be friends.

Bit of a life lesson for our teen she gone above and beyond to get her mate into school this past year - getting there early and taking phone calls - we only became aware when pattern was already set up as our teen mentioned it and fact school staff have been encouraging it- and first sign of not jumping high enough this friend and her mother have been a bitch to our teen.

Oh I can understand how that made you feel sad OP. Maybe they don't actually hate it but just love being at home?
My DD is 13 and in year 9. She's always loved school. She's thriving and gets very annoyed if she's sick and has to miss school.
DS is 11 and in year 6. He's generally OK with school but he is incredibly shy and anxious so school has always been more challenging for him. I'm absolutely dreading him starting secondary school. This is when I think the real problems will begin.

Couldn't you have tried a different school first?

My DD is highly sociable and she loves seeing her friends, but she doesn’t love school. It’s rigid, the work is often not stimulating at the moment (year 1) as they’re pushing phonics and handwriting structure NOT a love of reading and creative writing. My DD values deep connection but struggles to be one of the herd of 30 kids that teachers have little individual time for. I feel the boredom intensely on her behalf and I recognize the free spirited, intense little child she is because I was the same at that age and school never really worked for me until I moved to A Level and could get deeper into subjects that interested me. I went from a bang average GCSE student (all Bs and Cs) to a top A level student (AAAB) in the right environment. I do wonder about ADHD as both my siblings have it and I suspect I do too.

On the whole, I’m just not sure that the current state school set up in many places is really that great.

My DS in year 7 loves school, high school not quite as much as primary but still very happy. DD in year 3 has ASD and struggles with school a lot and hates large parts of it. School are great but it's really just too large and busy for her. Unfortunately it probably is the best option as all state schools are huge where we are, private schools don't want her, she's too bright for bases or special schools (and they're full anyway) and she doesn't want to be home schooled. I'm already terrified for when how she's going to manage when she gets to high school.

Mine were ok in primary mostly - interesting topics, nice teachers and friends. But they pretty much hate secondary. Yes I worry about sending them esp one who struggles the most. I do wonder if current secondary schools are the right environment for them 😢

Not really. She’s pretty much nailed it on the head.

DD (6) loves school and is thriving, but she'd still rather be at home! Similarly, I like my job but I always wish I had the day off. I'd be miserable if I didn't have anything to do though. We don't always want what's best for us!

Of course it doesn't sound fun when you are comparing it to a fun day with a friend on a trampoline, don't take such things so seriously OP. If there was an actual problem or dislike of school, it would be obvious at other times. This is just kids essentially saying what a nice day they are having at that moment.

Lockdown showed that kids are mostly happier when they are going to school, they might take the good bits for granted and be a bit grumpy about the structure but being aimless for long periods doesn't lead to good mental health.

Your OP is the equivalent of being sad to come home from a holiday and concluding you would be happier unemployed. It's the adult's job to look at the bigger picture for our kids, that they can't see, not get caught up in transitory emotions.

DD hated it so much. I took her to a home educators camp before I pulled her out, to see if she was happier in that environment and so I could talk to other parents who had been through it, see how the kids turn out without school. I didn't send her back to school after.

She's happier now. Severe meltdowns almost stopped very quickly, she sleeps, she doesn't have sensory issues with clothes, no bullying (there are some worrying effective 4yo bullies), and there's zero pressure to be someone she isn't.

I think this sums it up.

DD loves school because she loves learning. But she hates school because the unruly boys who call her names, laugh at her, throw things, never get told off properly, but get rewarded on the few bits of good behaviour they exhibit. it’s miserable. She just wants to learn.

My children enjoy learning but hate school. I was exactly the same and would call it jail. They don't refuse school but they don't like it. I think it's much to do with the undesirable area we live in (Yorkshire) which has taken a nose dive recently. They feel better that we are moving away however. Teen DD was collecting books up around the house yesterday for reading, so I'm happy they want to learn. It is a shame they feel so sad about school. They can definitely hold their own so I'm not too worried about them being bullied. They complain most about favouritism displayed by staff. *Edited because I can't spell for shit.

My DS (6.5 years) says it weekly but then goes in fine and has fun all day. His main reasons are its boring and he would rather say home and watch TV. I think he's just hit the age where he realises that TV at home could be more fun that being in school all day.

Ds14 goes to school easy but he has solid friendship group and enjoys some subjects.
Dd12 doesn't want to school because lessons are boring and some children are not nice. Her primary was nice and she enjoyed that but I think the kids in her secondary are more rough than she got used to in her primary. Swearing etc

Fascinated by this - how does it work? Do you set her a curriculum? Will she be going back for GCSEs?

Her school was lovely and the best in the area; it matched every criteria we were looking for when choosing a school. No other school came close, and there's no other school we'd consider for her. She didn't want to try another school anyway, she wanted to be home educated 🙂

We don't follow a curriculum in the sense of an online school like Kings InterHigh, but our style is a mix of what would be termed "unschooling" and traditional home education. We're led by DD's interests and motivations - she wants to do the DELF A1 exam by the time she 'should' have finished Year 6, and GCSE Sociology by the time she 'should' have finished Year 7, so she focuses mostly on those from an academic perspective and we do worksheets and more formal work on this. Everything else is project based - she's into fashion at the moment so she's reading a lot about fashion through history and her projects tie into that; she is learning to code so we do a lot of that together; she's a member of lots of different groups (some home-ed specific, some not) so there's socializing and developing different skills through those.

She's come on leaps and bounds across the board since starting home ed - not just academically, but in her confidence too. It's been lovely.

Both of our DC hated it. So did I when I was a child. DW seems to be the only one in our family who liked school.

I hear those words daily from my youngest. Every single school day we have a "discussion' where I'm told school is a prison and teachers "torture" the kids and the work is boring and they don't learn anything and why do children have to go. Every single day. (ASD, PDA, EBSA)
And now the older one's school anxiety has progressed to panic attacks.
So fair to say neither of mine like school.

My 7 year old loves it. Was excited to see his birthday would be on a school day so he could celebrate with his friends. If I ask him on half term if he's excited to be going back to school he says 'of course'- he's a sociable little thing though and I think we've been lucky that he has thus far been quite popular.

Interesting post. My dc have always been home educated and likely always will be until they reach 16. They all love learning and have no desire to try school.

From my experience some schools are fantastic nurturing places, others destroy kids confidence and love of learning.

I hated school but I had a brilliant life out of school and everyone seemed to hate school. I tend to find now that because kids are staring at screens more rather than disappearing all day on their bikes with their friends, climbing trees etc they seem to enjoy school more as it’s the time they get their interactions. I think it’s quite sad how most kids won’t get to experience the childhood we had in the 80’s.

I realise I'm likely to be alone in this, but this is why, if I'm ever lucky enough to have children, I will be homeschooling them.

Day care/nursery/school etc is all institutionalised and cortisol (the stress hormone) goes stratospheric. Children need to be in familiar situations with familiar people and they need plenty of time outdoors to explore and play.

Happier children grown into happier adults.

OP, I hear you. My Year R doesn't want to go to school. And I do wonder, in reality, how many would rather go to school than be at home with their family. What I think is wrong is we are told to work, but not given enough AL to look after them in the holidays. It's all wrong. But we do the best we can. Hugs xxx

Absolutely! Keep it in proportion. The worry is those who prefer to be at school rather than being at home.