Do your kids like going to school?

[Howsaboutthatthenhey]

Dd had a friend over at the weekend (they’re 6 & 7)
They were sat playing together in the trampoline, chatting away.
I heard Dd say ‘I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, but I have to’ her replied ‘I don’t either, but I have to go’ he said it in such a sad way and they both seemed so sad. Minutes before they’d been playing so happily. Both very outgoing, happy kids.
Felt so sad to hear them and see the change in their faces during their little, private conversation
I often feel I’m making Dd go to school, are we doing it all wrong?

Dramatic much

My 11 year old has never liked school. She cried going in up to the end of Year 1. Now in Year 6 she understands she has to go so just gets on with it, but she counts down until the next school holiday. For the leavers assembly she has to write about her favourite time during her primary school. She started to write about Year 2, when Boris told everyone "You must stay at home" and she had a lovely summer at home, being taught by me and playing in the garden. Of course her teacher told her off and said no, it must be something you actually did at school. She was just being honest though, bless her - lockdown was her favourite part of primary school! It's also an 'outstanding' school and oversubscribed.

Mine is in year 11 and has never hated it, he'd probably prefer not to go and just do what he wants all day but he's never made a fuss about going in. He's almost done now though anyway.

I feel the same way about work to be honest!

I think 100% of kids from happy homes would prefer to be at home than at school, don’t you think?

My 2 love it but they’re year 1 and year 4. I do get some complaints from the oldest but very minimal and he always goes in and comes out happy. And obviously more reluctant after a school holiday.

Are you considering homeschool then? Obviously you DO have to ‘make’ her go to school. It’s a legal requirement as you know. Even if you were homeschooling you’d still have to make her do stuff and then would have no/less separation between school and home.

Wow yeah. ‘School is worse than prison’ dramatic AND naïve much??

I don't think it's dramatic. I think it's a really important point.

I think primary schools in the UK are usually really great nowadays. Secondary school is just so different and we have huge issues with teenage mental health. I feel schools are in a difficult position. They are trying to tackle poor behaviour which I understand but they are often becoming so strict, it creates an awful relationship between the pupil and the school. The pupil basically ends up feeling that they are constantly being told off or caught out for very minor infringements of rules. At my DC's school, they get a detention if they're not showing five stripes on their tie or something like that! In comparison, primary school is so warm and welcoming. The contrast is stark.

My DD (12, year 7) and all her friends constantly talk about how much they hate school and most the teachers. Think they are all struggling with how strict and serious it all is, all of the time. Especially straight after year 6 when they were all made really stressed and anxious about SATs.

Apparently a lot of them get 'screamed at' a lot and most of the time it is for absolutely ridiculous things.

lockdown was her favourite part of primary school

She sounds extremely introverted

Of course they’re not being bloody screamed at. Kids are dramatic, irrational and have no life experience. They’re fine. I’ll never stop being amused by how much credence posters on here give the ‘feelings’ of 12 year olds.

If we had the option of a grammar or an all-girls secondary, DD would consider going to secondary school (she'd pass the 11+; she's doing GCSE work at home and loving it). All we have around here is comps with more of the same horrendous behaviour (I taught in two of them for a spell 😬) so she won't entertain the idea of going back to school.

I worked with a new teacher who screamed at pupils; she definitely screamed at them. Great knowledge, not sure classroom control was her strongest suit. The students hated her lessons because they were afraid of her - not in the "I'll behave for her" sense, they were actually afraid of her.

I suppose she is. Is that bad? She did have a lot of interaction with friends on WhatsApp and Skype etc. She certainly had lots of fun.

My eldest (now an adult) hated school. I battled all the way through (and succeeded at every stage) to get him support for his Sen. He still hated it. Looking back I question was it worth it. Would his mental health be better if I'd home schooled?

My youngest is in fs2. I suspect he's also neurodivergent but he doesn't show it at school (masking very "successfully" 😔 for now). He likes school but I suspect that may change as the academic demands ramp up. I'm very torn as to what I will do if he goes the same way as my eldest did.

The school she attends had a teacher arrested (and charged) a few years ago because he lost his shit with a kid and physically attacked him.

But yeah, these bloody dramatic, lying little kids of course all the lovely teachers don't scream at them.

I can assure you they do.

Both of my children love school. I think they're in great schools with lovely teachers and we often talk about how lucky they are. They love the social aspect and each have subjects that they particularly enjoy.

I do think school doesn't suit some kids in the same way that many adults don't like work. It restricts freedom and forces you to focus on things you might not be interested in. I do also believe though that you get lots of things from school and work that you don't necessarily appreciate until you don't have them anymore. Many of my schoolmates used to claim they hated school but now as adults look back at this time as the best in their lives. It isn't because they suddenly appreciate the maths they learnt or the essays they wrote but that they can see that it was a special time that was shared with peers. I feel sorry for kids that are whipped out of school these days and are isolated at home. I know home ed isn't always like this, but I think it's an absolute travesty when it is and is incredibly harmful to the children.

Yes we are very lucky to have a great state girls school (non selective) down the road from us.

I do think it’s mostly that after half term feeling.

Our DC has mostly been happy to go during his school career. His first primary was a bit wrong for him in the end but he was still enthusiastic about what he was learning. The primary after that he loved and his secondary school. The sixth form college has been a bit big and impersonal. The main thing is that he loves learning even at the school where there was bullying, he could count in this aspect of school

It's varies over time with many variables outside my control - their teacher/teachers class mates/friendship groups sometime the atmosphere of the school - if they were struggling with the work even class size.

My youngest has been struggling recently as her friendship group kicked off about revision for exams and where they'll go after GCSE - but that settled so she gone in happier - but the school atmosphere is pretty terrible loud chaotic she really struggled with that earlier in the year.

Different teacher in primary next year it may be very different experience.

DS1 generally really likes his secondary (Y9). But I know it's a good school- I am consistently impressed by their good behaviour management and massive range of extracurricular clubs. He likes seeing his mates, he likes PE, he likes the extracurricular music club he does with his mates (the music rooms operate as a little clubhouse for the musical kids, it's great). He even raves about things they've learnt in eg Science or Geography or English sometimes! (Never has a good word to say about French, but hey ho, you can't win them all).

DS2 generally likes his primary (Y4) , even though I have some reservations about it (I do not like the head). He's awaiting an autism assessment, but seems to bimble along fairly well. I think in school he plays well with his peers, even though we're generally shunned outside school- luckily, this seems to go over his head. He's very academic, which aligns well with the school's general ethos. He did say he was unhappy a little while ago, and I narrowed it down to the fact that doing lots of writing makes his hand hurt (he's hypermobile). His lovely form teacher did say he would be allowed to do his writing on a tablet, but now I hear that they're making him write stuff out by hand and then copy it onto the tablet, so I'm going to have to talk to them again 🙄.

And how common is that?

It’s ridiculous. I think anxiety is high in teens now because they’re catching it from their parents.

No really, no. What's being referred to here isn't simply a preference for not working, a common feeling in DCs and adults alike, but low moods, high anxiety levels and school refusal, often caused by the environment they are expected to work in.

In our family, DD2 loves everything about school. She of course would rather be at home if given a choice, but she never complains about school and bounces in happily every morning.

DD1, on the other hand, absolutely hates it. She is at middle school in yr5 and regularly cries at bedtime and in the morning about having to go. She loves learning and puts the effort in, has a great group of friends, and loves the facilities she can access there (eg proper science labs, specialist subject teachers). However, the noise and crowds are overwhelming for her. She struggles in particular with travelling between classrooms, where she gets bumped and jostled, and with the lunch hall. She is scared of DCs who have had violent meltdowns in the classrooms where she has had to take cover under her desk, yet they have been allowed to return to class after a few days' isolation. She is terrified of being shouted at and punished with detentions and demerits when she has made small genuine errors or has done her best but it wasn't seen as good enough. She recently had a late mark and was shouted at because she got her days mixed up for a SEN intervention (for anxiety, no less!), and was late for her lesson by the time she'd realised her mistake. She has ADHD and ASD but is also only 9yo, so really should be cut some slack in this circumstance as she isn't a persistent offender. I wouldn't be happy being spoken to like that at work in the same circumstances. She is also shouted at and given late marks in most PE lessons because it takes her too long to change - unfortunately her (diagnosed) hypermobility isn't particularly compatible with the stupidly teeny buttons of her school uniform, so it will be a slow process but she's trying! It all makes for a very stressful environment where any positives are totally crushed by the downsides. She spends her day in a perpetual state of anxiety. It is much more than simply preferring to be at home. She flourished in lockdown with homeschooling, but unfortunately this isn't an option for us long term so we muddle along as best we can. Moving school isn't an option either, as the others all have much worse reputations for bullying, behaviour and SEN provision. This is as good as it gets.

Mine likes it some days, not others. But he has to go and get an education while also being socialised in getting along with others and understanding that he can't always do things he likes.

I also didn't like school sometimes. Oh well!

I completely understand homeschooling for SEN children who really can't cope with or benefit from the school environment. But for the majority of children, I think it's a very, very bad idea.

My DD is just turned 7, was crying all morning about going to school. She said it's so boring and she can't wait for the holidays. Are you really going to make me go. Eh YES!

She actually enjoys school she's just not very good at getting up in the mornings! Occasionally goes through spells of not wanting to go. Also thinks it's unfair that I have days off as I work part time. Tells me it's not fair and I'm so lucky to wfh!

Mine loves it (Y4). She is autistic though and I worry a lot about secondary school. She is in a small nurturing village primary at the moment.

@SkankingWombat where does OP say her daughter refuses school?