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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with my friend/childminder?

35 replies

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 16:59

I'm a single mum and work full time. I live with my parents after splitting last year from ex H. Mum has DD on the daysshe isn't working and my auntie, who died last Nov, had DD on tues/weds/thurs when my mum works.
My friend is a nanny and DD and the little girl she looks after are friends after going to play group together. When my auntie died I asked my friend if I could use her to look after DD on the days mum is at work, unless I can get a day off on one of those days (which I try to do). I pay her to look after DD as the other family do to look after their DD. On Saturday night my friend txt to say she isn't around on Weds as she and her Mum have things to do and she will be too busy and forgot to tell me!!?!?! I know I am not able to have Weds as my day off this week, so am now stuck. If worst comes to worst Mum may be able to ask to change a day or have a day off. I am actually quite annoyed by this as it is her job and I cannot call into work to say I won't be in as i'm too busy! I know the other family have an 'evening' nanny so i'm not sure if she will be doing the whole day for them. Also my Mum said the other day when my friend dropped off DD she said she was 'doing me a favour' by looking after her! I don't need someone to 'do me a favour' I need someone to have DD when i'm at work and when I pay them for doing it! I'm really cross!

OP posts:

hana · 06/04/2008 17:03

is she a registered childminder? do you have a contract?
this is why you shouldn't pay friends on the side for childcare, it usually goes wrong
hope you get something sorted out

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:06

Yes she is registered and we have a proper agreement. She isn't just a friend on the side doing it, IT IS HER FULL TIME JOB and what she does for a living

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 06/04/2008 17:10

if she is registered and you have an agreement, then she shouldn't just let you down like this

TBH i would find another childminder - she shouldn't view her job as doing you a favour IMO or let you down and GRRRR at telling you by text

hana · 06/04/2008 17:11

ok, no need to shout at me, it sounded like an adhoc thing
sheesh

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:13

Well I'm annoyed that it was rather short notice. Saturday night at about half 9, so I wouldn't even be able to find anything out from work til Monday and I already know I can't change my day off, also Mum only works 3 days a week and the only reason I have a childminder is because I don't have anyone else to look after DD! I did wonder about another childminder

OP posts:

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:14

hana, i wasn't shouting i was just making clear what i'd already written in my original thread

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 06/04/2008 17:14

capitals always look like shouting

BetteNoir · 06/04/2008 17:15

You need to either speak to her about the fact that you may be friends, but you also have a professional relationship, you need her to be reliable, and you need fair warning of her time off. Tighten up the contract if needs be.

Or find someone else.

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:16

yes they do, just wasnt sure how else to type it - sorry

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 06/04/2008 17:17

you can use bold - use an * either side of the word or words you want to emphasise

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:19

Well I'm not sure what the other family do, as I said they have another nanny, but it does seem odd for a nanny, who does nannying as a full time job, to be too busy to look after children one day? I understand if she is ill or perhaps her mum was in hospital or something? It just seems weird

bold - oooh yes!

OP posts:

nannynick · 06/04/2008 17:22

Sounds rather unprofessional of your nanny. As a nanny (someone who cares for your child at your child's home, or who cares for your child, plus a child from another family, at the other families home) is an employee - you are their boss, so if they want a day off, they need to ask you.
If your employee is unreliable, can you sack her? Can you find someone more reliable... either another nanny share, or a Childminder?

denbury · 06/04/2008 17:28

report her to ofsted. you have a contract with her aswell so she should have a replacement childminder in case of emergencys. good luck

PellMell · 06/04/2008 17:33

I'm confused is she a nanny or a childminder?

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:34

I didn't know I could report her to ofsted? She is a friend so i may just point out to her what a difficult position she is putting me in as I rely on her to have DD. I think I may look around for another childcare facility/nanny or whatever, so its someone who sees it as a job and not a favour for a friend

OP posts:

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:37

Well I belive her title is actually nanny as i'm sure thats what she studied for at college, however i'm not 100% sure of the difference?

OP posts:

paros · 06/04/2008 17:39

jelly check your profile and remove surnames .

purplemoon · 06/04/2008 17:41

In order to undertake paid childcare in your own home you have to be a registered childminder, ( even if she has Nanny qualifications AFAIK). Even if she is a qualified Nanny I believe she would be breaking the law if she is looking after your DD ( and the other families) unless she is registered with Ofsted as a registered childminder, she should have documentation to prove this.
Others will correct me if I'm at all wrong on tis.

BetteNoir · 06/04/2008 17:41

Does she look after your DD at her home or yours?

purplemoon · 06/04/2008 17:45

Sorry, I don't think I was very clear, I meant I believe she would be breaking the law if she is looking after your DD and others in her home ( which I understand she is from what you've said).
Sorry, I was very confusing!!

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:46

She looks after DD between her mums home, her home and the 2nd families home. I have her Ofsted reg number as I needed it to claim childcare

OP posts:

purplemoon · 06/04/2008 17:52

Is she registered in each place she works? AFIAK the premisis must be registered not just the person otherwise I think she would still be in breach of the law (please don't flame me if I'm wrong folks.
I'm sure she'd be fine in the other families home as their nanny but I'm pretty sure her house and her Mum's would both need to be inspected by Ofsted as suitable premisis.

Sorry I have to dash but will check back later to see if other more worthy MNers are able to clarify this for you

Original poster

JellyNump · 06/04/2008 17:55

I don't know to be honest? At the moment I really need to work out what to do with DD this week

OP posts:

laughalot · 06/04/2008 18:00

Jelly I was going through exactly the same last year with my friend she let me down no end and she was registered childcare. To be honest it has split our friendship up and we no longer speak. It must be a case of lets s*it on travel agents because im one too

CarGirl · 06/04/2008 18:09

I would start looking for a proper childminder or nannyshare. I think it's far better to have a professional relationship that develops into friendship than to employ a friend - recipe for disaster.

Hope you get this week sorted out, and check your contract for the notice you need to give your friend.

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