Aibu to ask how you work on your self esteem!!

[toopoorfortherapy]

As my new name shows I am severely brassic. I have adhd and menopausal rage.
Struggling
with life
with elderly parents
with keeping income coming in
with my weight
With the mess in my house
with everything
With social life as no money and keep hiding away
How do I build my self esteem?
When everything seems so 💩

Have you tried magnesium which is great for anxiety and stress. Research which one would suit you first though as there are several different types.

Bumping

Sometimes it is hard work just to keep your head above water. And the fact that you are sticking with it and keeping your head up shows that you are doing a great job - don't expect any more than that.

the worst thing about the claim that you need to 'work on your self esteem' is that is just gives you yet another thing to feel guilty about as if you aren't working hard enough.

you are already working hard - you have a lot on. So find one or two things to make you happy each week - a flower in the garden or a smile from someone and remind yourself that you are doing a great job just by hanging in there.

Oh gosh that reply made me cry! Thank you for being nice

I’m no longer in the UK so I don’t know what options for free therapy there are. II’ve cut back elsewhere for mine, which I have to pay for, but it’s been the best investment I’ve ever made in myself. I pay €60 per session.

I know friends who have done a degree in counselling with my country’s version of the BACP have to do a number of free hours before they’re accredited, so maybe contact a local university/college that offers an accredited diploma or degree?

Start a list 40 things u like or do well
These have to be things u generally like not what someones told u
Work on it every so often even if u start with one
And add to this list monthly weekly etc and refer back to it
Postives affirmations
Journalling
Write down one thing u appreciate every day/evening

Celebrate small wins for example u passed this test before or did x well etc
If u feel u want counselling/cbt for example ask ur gp to refer u or google charity's in your area offering free advice support and therapy
See if there are any charity's that can offer support groups confidence courses self development etc
Take a level 2 counselling course
Find things that make you feel good
Create a bucket list
Make a collage using art and writing, catalogues of things u like or who u are and what makes you you!
Start setting boundaries for yourself
Find a hobby
Online magazine called happiful
Self care this could be usual taking a bath time to yourself pamper night nails done hair done fake tan read a book etc or it could look like having a good cry, getting regular sleep etc watching comedy movies eating the ice cream !
Write a letter to your future self
Watch brene brown on youtube

Try some of the resources on this website OP https://self-compassion.org/

@parietal is right, giving yourself something nice like appreciating a beautiful flower will balance out the grind you find yourself in. You’re allowed to just exist, no one asks a tree or a bird about their self esteem.

Also eventbrite free online workshops
Hope any help good luck u got this your stronger than u think

Thank you all for the links. I will look into it.

I could written this myself -:I'm struggling with all of the above apart from not yet hitting menopause.

I'm struggling to keep all the plates spinning and have let some smash in the last month.

My saving grace is I am very self compassionate. I give myself the same grace I would a friend I am talking too. Life is bloody hard and I'm proud of myself for keeping those plates 90% spinning. Quite frankly it's a miracle I'm managing with 3 dependents (2 kids/ parent) when in my 20s, just looking after myself felt hard work!

My house/ car looks like a bombs hit it, dipping into savings in a way I haven't before, 3 Stone overweight. I'm chasing my tail keeping up with my very stubborn elderly and declining mothers needs who lives a couple of hours away.

Be kind to yourself OP.

I hope you find something that works x

@Eyeballpaula it all feels so much doesn't it. I

I saw this earlier on the amazing dani Donovan's Facebook page and it's how I feel honestly ; that's why I started this thread on Monday, in a heap/panic/spiral of what I hadn't done

Spiral of ADHD burnout:
Fall behind on work due to executive dysfunction
Stay up a late hyperfocusing to get it done
Feel run down so neglect self care due to exec dysfunc
Lack of self care means you feel worse, which means it's even harder to get work done

This sounds really hard OP. Have an un-Mumsnet hug from me. How are you getting on today?

Very gently, I would try to cut down on the complaining to yourself, or to others, it will only make you feel worse. Instead, try to speak to yourself in constructive terms about how to effectively deal with some of these difficulties you’re facing.

Each time you’ve completed a small task or dealt with a small situation, praise yourself, smile, give yourself an actual pat on the back.

Thank you for this. I have been googling a few things

I have always had extremely low self esteem for as long as I can remember and don't really know why, though presume it's being extremely sensitive in all aspects of life!

For me, waking up every morning and telling yourself (eg the voice in your head) Today is a going to be a good day.
Stopping the negative voices. Literally stopping them. It feels awkward at first but over and over in your head. I am a good person. I mean well. I am a good person. I am doing my best. I love myself I love myself.

You are basically tricking your brain to follow new pathways and it takes a lot of time and persistence but it does actually work.
You have to stop the negative thoughts. The more you do this the less they pop up!

Having a good cry when you need to. Literally shake it off when you feel anger, as in physically and with your body, arms, breathe out, shout if you need to!!

For me exercise. But I appreciate it's very hard to get into it, good habits build good habits but you have to break into it and keep the momentum. I can easily fall out of it. Starting small. Set a 5 minute time and do squats or lunges for example. I love weights and circuits and it honestly makes me feel like a different person but it takes time to build up to that if it's not something you do currently.
Walking is good for the soul. If you can find the time.

Oh and for me diet definitely plays a HUGE role, if I eat like crap I feel like crap! Can be simple and relatively cheap, eg porridge for breakfast with banana and honey, meals you can cook in bulk like spag Bol with loads of veg. Always making sure you have a few treats too!
Also cutting out alcohol.

There's a free app called Finch. It's basically a self-care tamagotchi. You can do all kinds of positive things mentioned above with it, like positive affirmations, journalling, gratitude, exercise etc. It's not a replacement for real therapy, but it might still be usefull.

Write a list out everyday of what you have achieved / what you have done for others / what you have done for yourself.

Even if it's very small wins, just acknowledge them and give yourself a huge pat on the back.

Stop focussing on the things that aren't done or are overwhelming you and close your day with an inventory of all the good you have done.

So today would include

• reaching out for help from others
• giving myself a break that I can't do everything
• saved money by not getting takeaway / whatever steps you did
• helped parents with xyz
• picked up after kids breakfast
• made self presentable / skincare / brushed teeth whatever you managed

The key things to try to get on that list every day would be

• nourished my body with healthy food (even if it wasn't all healthy, at least most of it!!)
• prioritised sleep and gave my body the rest it deserved
• did xyz to look after myself

Tiny things that make you feel a bit better. So you look at eg the mess and you’ll know there’s one thing that pisses you off more than anything else and see can you work on that. You have a good list above to start looking at to see what stresses you most. Then as people say things like easing off screens and reading more, more fresh air, walks, water, chatting for fun to people etc.

For the cleaning stuff mn is amazing if you search tips/ hacks/ help how do I cope type things. Open up a new notebook and jot them down. Oh and remember not everything has to be fixed now x best of luck op!!👍👍👍👏👏👏👏

Thank you all
I do have that apo oddly enough
Wil try it more

Hoping to meet some other moms like me. I'm a stay-at-home mom of five children at home. I am a children's book author. I have ADHD and I am also going through the beginning stages of menopause. So I'm hoping to connect with other moms who relate.

Nearly a year on I am not much better on

What have you tried to raise your self esteem?

Have you read the Six Pillars of Self Esteem? There are also workbooks you can go through at your own pace.

Thanks for this! I’ve been wishing for exactly this type of app but hadn’t got around to searching.

I’d like to recommend this article. I’m suffering from low self esteem / motivation too and this gave me a laugh as well as tips:

How to Make Progress When You’re Just a Dried-out Husk of a Person