Neighbour staring

[Nightmarenextdoor88]

Name changed so is not outing.

Nextdoor neighbour is continually staring as drives past our house. I mean craning their neck to stare at our driveway and house as they drive down the street. A while ago there were a few occasions they saw me see them do this and this still hasn’t put them off! They have also commented on what we are doing in our garden which also means they have been peering into our garden out their window. It’s making me not want to sit out. Other people who have been in my house have also witnessed the staring into driveway behaviour and commented.

Its making me feel really uncomfortable like I’m in big brother or something but I don’t know how to handle it as I’d like to remain cordial, don’t want to upset anyone and there’s no law I guess about staring at someone’s house. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

Try to ignore it if you don’t feel you can say something. They may just be interested in whatever changes you are making to garden or just be nosey buggers. There isn’t really anything you can do.

I had a majorly nosey neighbour for ten years - We were chatty, took in parcels etc. but they rubbernecked at any activity. I ended up just tuning it out as otherwise I wouldn’t have used my garden. Used to comfort myself with the thought I could never be burgled as there was always a witness!

Do you live in Surrey by any chance?
im only asking as I have a neighbour who does the same

That’s a good point re never being burgled lol. It does make me feel really watched in the garden and I hate the idea the kids are being watched playing too.

No lol I live opposite end of the country, but I’m sorry to hear you’re going through something similar

I would ask him directly if there's something concerning him. If he denies there is I would question it because his behaviour indicates otherwise. I would definitely confront him.

Id get yourself one of those huge foam hands with the middle finger sticking up so you can raise it up every time you see them doing this. Or a big laminated sign saying “it’s rude to stare!” I’m not even joking. Nosiness does my head in and they need to get the message.

Tempting though it is to confront my OH is really against doing so and I don’t want to make it worse for us if it causes them to ramp up their behaviour

Haha brilliant, I did suggest to my OH that we hung a big king size sheet size sign out the window saying hello with their name but he vetoed the idea sadly

i absolutely can’t abide nosiness either, there’s no need

They have also commented on what we are doing in our garden which also means they have been peering into our garden out their window

That’s just having a normal conversation like normal neighbours do. What’s the difference between “peering” and “looking”? It’s normal to look out of your windows. It’s normal to look at your neighbour’s gardens.

They say: “Ooh, are you laying a new patio?”

You say: “Yes, we looked at decking but it was a bit expensive, so we’ve decided to go with flagstones. We got them from town garden centre”.

They say: “The garden centre in next town is very good and a bit cheaper”.

Hey presto, you’ve made useful friends.

Thanks. I would say when they are commenting on if they can have things in my garden because they’ve watched me move them and noticed I’m not using them that is not normal however.

I’d also go the route of asking them if you can help them, you’ve noticed their concern and is anything wrong?

Also - your DH isn’t the boss of you, if it’s bothering you, just talk to them!

I too have an overly nosey neighbour.
For a relatively low cost, I had my window panes covered on the inside with an almost colourless film...
I can see out, with ease, but outsiders can't as easily see in, unless I have a light on when daylight starts to fail.
I get you op, it does feel off, and I really value my privacy as much as I can expect to in an area where housing is so close.
You're worse of than I, coz the neighbour that is OPENLY nosey lives across the street, so it's only the front.
I know I can't expect much given where I live, but surely I should be able to not feel "invaded" if it's not how I like to live.
I get the pp who pointed out that you're being looked out for re burglars, and I suppose I should be thankful for that aspect....IF they actually let me know, and didn't just watch any burglary being played out.... who knows these days, as folk can be so very strange .. well at least they feel pretty odd to me.
I really can't remember the name of the company that fitted all my glass with the screen, and at the time, they were a start out company and I felt I was charged a good price for my peace of mind.
You may be able to buy the same kind of materials and DIY if you're confident.
I believe it's pretty difficult to avoid laying it without incorporating air pockets, which of course apart from looking unattractive, it would rather give the game away as to them not being normal glass.
Don't feel bad about it getting to you, coz if that's how you feel, then others really ought to respect your misgivings.
Can you get lots of fast growing shrubs to act as a shield re where your children plat in the back garden?
Do be careful not to show your fear to them. It's good to make kids aware of stranger danger, but it could be damaging for them to feel at risk in their own space.
Take care.

Next time he is driving and staring at you, turn your head to at ahead of where he is driving, and make a shocked/panicked face like he is about to hit/run over something. 😲 Eyes on the road Nigel.

Just wave really noticeably and dramatically everytime and they will soon stop it knowing that you can see them looking in

sometimes it’s really useful I had nosey neighbours at the back of me and they knocked to let us about a missing roof tile

How can you even tell neighbours are looking out of the window when you're inside the house, unless you're looking at them too?

Install some net curtains / voiles / venetian blinds and draw your curtains at night.

Ignore them when you're on your drive away or plant hedges.

We have neighbours who do this - on the day we moved in, Vinegar Face from directly opposite was stood staring from the window with her hands on her hips looking extremely passive aggressive (we've since learned in all our years of living here that she IS a nasty, vindictive person who tried to stop road painters from installing a disabled bay that I need and told my husband that "I don't believe you're wife's ill because she's not dead yet" - lovely woman.
We get loads of people staring into all of the houses on our street and it's really odd behaviour and becomes quite invasive - we've installed blinds now.
A lot of them are neck-craners too - it used to really irritate me but now I just think it makes them look really undignified.

We had a similar nosey neighbour. Always remained cordial with her. They do have good points though - she noticed a man driving our car off our driveway when we were away for two weeks, and immediately texted us to let us know. We had arranged for the car to be serviced while we were away so it was legit., but I was quite pleased to think somebody was keeping an eye on our property. If your neighbour is otherwise reasonable I wouldn't do anything about the staring.

Thanks but unfortunately they have no shame and despite being caught in the act several times by us do not stop!

Thank you, myself, OH and several others visiting my home have clocked them staring. I have noticed them when I have been working at my desk in the window, when I’m getting in my car on my driveway, when I have been stood planting etc in my front garden, when I have opened my curtains, the list goes on.

I don’t see why I should have to install nets, screen my windows or live in a permanent state of darkness because they can’t control their nosiness.

We do have hedges but as we need to get cars on and off our drive and live in a three storey home unless we plant some massive lleylandi hedges that piss off everyone on the street, park our cars on the street and knock down the top storeys of our home I’m not sure how we can prevent being stared at? 😂

That’s nice of them, I definitely wish to remain cordial with them. I just wish they’d stop staring so blatantly and all the time.

Fair enough if they notice our bins are out for weeks or the lights are on when they know we are away or something but they’re the type of things I feel you can do as a good neighbour without staring.

lol might try this

Thank you Mumsnet for having deleted the above personal attack.

We have a neighbour who does the same. She hears and sees everything and listens to us in the garden and then cheerily tells me her pov about whatever we have been discussing when she gets chance. Tbh it doesn't bother me as she's harmless and kind hearted (albeit shamelessly nosey), not like Op's awful sounding neighbour.
And no you ANBU. You shouldn't have to redesign your house and garden to have some privacy. Like others have said I'd be minded to say something to them and try to nip it in the bud...

Our neighbours garden gone to rack and ruin since we installed blinds . Was Always nosing . Not anymore lol