Neighbour staring

[Nightmarenextdoor88]

Name changed so is not outing.

Nextdoor neighbour is continually staring as drives past our house. I mean craning their neck to stare at our driveway and house as they drive down the street. A while ago there were a few occasions they saw me see them do this and this still hasn’t put them off! They have also commented on what we are doing in our garden which also means they have been peering into our garden out their window. It’s making me not want to sit out. Other people who have been in my house have also witnessed the staring into driveway behaviour and commented.

Its making me feel really uncomfortable like I’m in big brother or something but I don’t know how to handle it as I’d like to remain cordial, don’t want to upset anyone and there’s no law I guess about staring at someone’s house. Am I being unreasonable to feel this way?

If you can't ask email or send a letter.

I don't think you are wrong on being concerned, but I wouldn't jump to conclusions either. I often peer at my neighbors house when I am not really paying attention to what I am doing, or pulling out the drive in my car, or putting the bins out. Its completely innocent and where I am not really looking at anything, as in, I couldn't tell you what the neighbors are up to I am just staring into blank space. That could be the case in your situation and you might just be hyper focused on them doing it. BUT it could be the case you just have nosey neighbors, then I'd suggest talking really loud in your garden (on the phone) when you know your neighbors are home, about people peering in your garden and that it's making you uncomfortable. Then you don't have to comfort them to their face, but they know that you know.🤔

You keep referring to your neighbour as they and them.

Are you talking about a couple, an entire family, or one person? If it is one person, is that person a he or a she?

Why should you want to remain cordial if they are gawping all the time or worse?

If they are looking at you not the road in any case, they are not paying attention to others.

Ostentatiously cheery wave, maybe?

My mum was a dreadful rubbernecker at other people's houses. She loved a walk at dusk so she could see in their houses while lights were on and curtains still open.

It was mostly to gawk at their decor. She absolutely loved decorating and getting ideas from other people's houses. Maybe your neighbour is dying to see what you've done with that awkward alcove in the front room...

I agree with another poster who said your husband isn't the boss of you - if it bothers you and you want to ask them what's up then just do it. You can do it in a non aggressive way.. wave and smile when you see them staring, approach and ask if everything is ok as they seem to look concerned whenever they see you.

When we first moved into our house, our (now deceased) NDN used to stare into our front window whenever he walked past with his dog. One day I cheerily waved at him, and he never did it again... 🥇

How long have you lived there OP? Is this new behaviour or since you moved in? I too would ask 'Hi Tom/Mary, I've noticed you intently looking at my house and am wondering why? What are your staring at?'

3yrs ago, we bought what had been a long standing derelict property- falling apart and completely overgrown garden, which we've been renovating. We've had comments and stares from people daily! Most are fine, but some feel the need to tell us what colours THEY would have chosen, how THEY would have done the drive etc and some stand outside chatting away and commenting when I'm in full view and saying hello. Other people are just weird IMO!

Our neighbours opposite do this too, we've had it for over a decade now.

They even complained that we let the shrubs in the front garden grow "too big", as "now we can't see into your living room anymore". I shit you not. Oh but don't worry, they can still see into it from another angle, they found that out not long after.

The nosy bastards even have peered over our back garden fence, on many occasions. Gossiped to our other neighbours about things they saw in our private back garden. They also caught me in my kitchen in my nightwear when peering in. When I say peering in, they literally would need to stand on something to see over our back fence.

They aren't harmless either, they really are nasty bastards, everyone in our street can't stand them, they are real bullies, and act like they own the whole street.

I’m a bit of a starer because I’m short sighted and need new glasses. And even then I’m a hit absent minded and could look like I’m looking a certain way but I’m thinking of something else.

Jesus Christ @ReadingSoManyThreads that's awful!

I'm living next door to the nosiest neighbours that I've ever had the misfortune of meeting. It's got to the stage that I am ushering the children into the hallway to discuss things for fear of them hearing. They listen to everything that we say. They sit on their back doorstep for hours and when I walk into the kitchen, they stop whatever they're doing. I know that they're listening to us as they've brought up countless things that we speak about. Somehow, they knew how I'd decorated certain rooms...I can only assume that they've got a bird's eye view from one of their own rooms. I've put up film in the kitchen but it's a bit annoying as I can't see out! I don't dare go into the garden anymore either. I only moved in a couple of months ago but already want to leave because of it. They're living in my head rent free now! I've started finding any excuse to leave the house. I wish people would mind their own. Your home is supposed to be the one place that you can relax.

@twilightermummy I know how you feel, we say nothing on our driveway (they are ALWAYS out doing their front garden), and wait until the front door is closed before speaking to each other. They have attempted to isolate us from all of our neighbours by making up nasty things about us. Fortunately, the other neighbours like us and don't believe their shit. I've had the man ranting and raving at me on my own driveway, swearing at me in front of my young children, honestly, I'm actually counting down the years until he croaks. He's worse than the wife, as he's the real nasty bully, but she's extremely nosy. I can put up with her peering in though, as long as I know he's dead lol

You could try telling them as politely as possible howvuncomfortable you feel, but I dont think it will work. Sorry but if really is unbearable you might just have to move.😀

I forgot another nosy neighbour incident. As mentioned up thread, we've been renovating. I kept seeing a head over the top of our back fence when I was in the garden and finally managed to get there quick enough to confront her. The neighbour gleefully showed me the stool she'd bought specifically to see over my fence to 'Check how our renovations were coming along and so she could take photos to send to her son in Scotland!' WTF!
I'm in South East England if relevant, and the neighbours son didn't grow up at their current property seeing our home!

I have a female neighbour who does this, found out from another neighbour who has known her 30yrs she is jealous of younger slimmer women, always been like it.
A lot of these neighbour issues are just jealously and someone being jealous of you isn't your problem. It's their problem let them stare

Could you make a scarecrow effigy of the neighbour and prop it up in your front garden next to this sign?

Direct confrontation is always the best solution, it builds self confidence and awareness with others. Not saying poke their eye while peeping, just make them first notice that you acknowledge their behaviour.
Then move into confrontation, it can be in a Friendly neighbour to neighbour style, it doesn't have to sound angry. At least put it out there and make them uncomfortable the way you feel.

Just wave. If that fails. Flash your tits.

Get some carboars cut outs of people and put them jn yohr windows. Maybe a police officer staring out. In your garden mow the lawn in a design of a giant middle finger. They will soon get the message.

If it was me I'd probably turn on the passive aggressive charm offensive and start smiling and waving at them, making it really obvious I know what they are doing without actually saying anything xx

Savage lol

My neighbours do this and it infuriates me!. Basically if we have anything if our garden that they don’t see us use they think they have a right to it, and then get really pissy when we say they can’t have it. They’ve even stolen from our front garden when we have left items out to use later. It really is awful to have such nosey neighbours OP- it’s so intrusive and really does impact your enjoyment of your home. If you ever want to rant DM me!

We had the same!!! When we first bought our house she got a stool to look over into our garden. In the end I lost it when she was watching my son playing in the garden without noticing me. She quickly changed her tune but she’s still nosey in other ways 😬

@Nightmarenextdoor88 have you got a really nice front garden? Maybe he's just admiring it?x

we have some neighbours that are very similar. They literally spend hours each day, staring out their front window- which is directly opposite ours.

I am breastfeeding a baby and whilst I’m not shy about it and feed comfortably out and about, sometimes at home I just want to relax and have a little less modesty with clothing ( I.e lift my top rather than use a nursing flappy top or something). Their constant staring in was making me uncomfortable, so I just stated to leave the curtains closed on that aspect window. The neighbours next door to the nosy ones told me recently that the nosy ones had been complaining about this, “ because they can’t see in anymore” 😂.

Theyre not unpleasant, we speak to them to say hi and they have taken a couple of parcels for us… but they always want to know what’s in them. We recently got a trunki delivered for our DD which they took in, and I was sooooo tempted to tell her it was a giant sex toy just to see if she’d be horrified into not ever asking again, but I decided against it in the moment.

I think they’re just bored in their retirement and probably enjoy seeing the kids playing, but it is unnerving knowing your watched constantly!