Would you be pissed off?

[Ionasmum19]

So my partner has been at his brother and SILs all day, leaving me and our dd at home, which is fine. However, he has just come in and I have told him his dinner is in the microwave (made a roast) and he is telling me they all went out to eat. Am I right to be pissed off by this? Surely it would have been decent to let me know? 🙄

YANBU

Are you uk time? Because by 2124 I would have expected him to have eaten

Yeah UK time. It isn't unusual for him to come home at this time and not have eaten, so had no reason to think otherwise

Would you have not cooked the roast anyway for you and DD or are you saying you would've liked to have been invited out for food?

Stick it in the fridge. That's his tea sorted tomorrow...

Yes it would be reasonable to expect him to let you know.
Is he always bad at communicating with you?

Definitely YANBU.
Really irritating of him.

I'm not bothered by him eating out, I'm just bothered that he didn't tell me. My daughter has additional needs so is a struggle to eat out at times. If he had told me I wouldn't have went to the time and effort of making a roast, I would have made something quick and easy for us.

Meh, it wouldn’t bother me. One of us would have it for lunch or dinner the following day so it wouldn’t go to waste!

Totally understand you being pissed off about it OP, he should have let you know.

Why did you not go to his family?

When I do cook a roast I like to eat together. Just seems a lot of effort otherwise. Definitely would have been nice for him to let you know. I wouldn’t be too pissed off though as long as it’s not a regular occurrence or he didn’t specifically ask you to cook a roast and said he’d be home to eat it with you all.
he can have that tomorrow and you can cook something easy tomorrow. Then he can cook you all a roast next weekend.

I didn't go as I wasn't asked, he spends a lot of time with his brother

That would piss me off, not the cooking

YANBU, it was thoughtless of him.

But honestly don't be making roasts to please someone who's not even there - next time he's off to his brother's, just cater for you & DD and leave him to sort himself out.

Oh it does, we've had many an argument over it, especially when dd was a baby

Yeah, I would be more pissed off that you guys have a child with additional needs, and he frequently leaves you to go to his brothers all day, and you are not invited. You're focusing on the wrong issue here!

The fact that I'm not invited doesn't bother me, I'm not his brothers biggest fan, and he feels the same about me. I'm used to being left alone with her, it doesn't bother me in the slightest, she's my little best friend 🩷 what does bother me is that he just expects it to happen, like he knows if he goes out I will be here, but if I am going anywhere, for example I had a hair appointment yesterday morning, I have to double check with him that he will be here and its OK that I go, if that makes any sense?

Hes really close to his brother who does not like you?

jeeze! You are more tolerant than me 😁

Is this really about your husband not telling you about having eaten or about him not stepping up for you and your child? So he can come and go as he pleases expecting dinner to be ready while you have to "double check" if he's ok w "babysitting" his own child when he's at home and you have got an appointment? Seems unfair don't you think ?

I have got a selfish husband as well so I feel for you. But I don't make dinner for him if he's out enjoying himself, let him have cake..

My partner and I don't have the best relationship. It has its issues. I do feel alone at times but i don't mention it, I know it would lead to an argument

A bit of both tbh, I remember one time not so long ago, he asked me to make him something for dinner, and because I didn't automatically jump off my seat and scurry off to the kitchen he began kicking off, telling me I was lazy and I do nothing etc. When he's in a good mood it's fine, but if something has triggered him off it can be a living nightmare

Sorry but I think yab a bit u. If someone is out for the day with friends/family, most likely they will have eaten a meal, and most likely a decent one. Normally sharing a big lunch or going out for something will be part of the day.

See, this is a totally different problem though. In this instance, yanbu and hibad (he is being a dick).

A lot of the issues are relating to our daughters disabilities, he finds it hard to deal with.